Disclosure success, dating app prospect

Happy to be posting in this section, sharing a disclosure success story.

Hopped on a dating site that is generally known as a place to meet hookups. When I received my diagnosis, I thought I would never be able to responsibly use that dating app again but my thoughts on that changed after educating myself about relative risk, starting antivirals, and becoming more comfortable with the prospect of having to have the disclosure conversation.

I matched with several people and began chatting to get to know them a little. One stood out as being particularly interesting to talk to so I focused on my communications with him. Our communication was easy and fun but we quickly moved beyond small talk to discussing real stuff. I know it is generally advisable to wait until you've met and humanized yourself before disclosing, but we had been chatting a while and an opportunity came up for me to bring up the topic of safe sex practices, so I went for it.

First, I asked about his approach to safe sex and when he last had STI tests. In providing answers to those questions, I had an opportunity to share my own thoughts and provide my own STI test history. This was over text. There were times when I typed and erased certain parts of the disclosure because I could sense I was being defensive and wanted to provide the information in a more objective way. It was challenging but I was able to do it, then took a deep breath and sent the message.

This man is quite young (20s) and I had readied myself for the possibility that the stigma would be too great to have much disclosure success with younger guys with less life experience. Not true in this case. His response was compassionate, acknowledging what I had shared but also reassuring me of his continued interest and attraction. He went on to share that he has tested for HSV and is positive for oral HSV1. When he received that diagnosis, he was pretty freaked out and educated himself, so he is aware of how transmission works with HSV. Thankfully, he was able to apply what he understands about his HSV1 to a partner with HSV2. He thanked me for being open about it, I thanked him for sharing about himself as well, and then we moved on to discuss other things. It didn't change the course of our overall conversation or intentions and we plan to meet soon.

That's wonderful! Best of luck!

@MMissouri Thank you! We met and really hit it off. Feels so good to have moved out of the mindset of feeling like everything would have to change and my sex life would have to be less spontaneous and fun. It was just an extra little conversation. No biggie.

@optimist.. You're welcome! I bet it does feel good! Enjoy!

hey optimist, I'm really curious how you phrased it over text. I've just started dating again after being diagnosed 6 weeks ago and I'm trying to prep myself for these conversations.