Starting to see the light.. But still lost

I haven't been on here In a long time. But I contracted HSV2 last February and although I understand its okay and it's not a big deal it has taken a huge tole on my life. I told my cousin whom was my best friend. Needed support and I knew she would give it to me. But she made it out to me as if I was horrible person and its completely my fault. And it wasn't and she knew that. I haven't always been careful but the way I got it was bad in its self. Cheating boyfriend ... Left me with a wonderful present lol...

Oh my any ways, I lived in a town of no more then 12,000 so every age group knew everyone kinda thing. And my cousin told people about me, cause she "had to talk" to someone about it... Baloney, talk to me? And lots and lots found out and I got harassed and talked about all the time like i was a walking disease. So it felt. I got very depressed.. Get teared up thinking about it. Very depressed but not so much over the disease but everything that happened to me over it. I eventually decided to move to where my dad lives. Fresh start... But after a year I find my self very lonely and very secretive... And I met someone that I want to get to know and him me to. But I'm so scared to tell someone I care about when my own blood deceived me.

I used to be so bubbly so happy and so full of life and I have lost my self.

I don't find my self depressed any more got some help for that part, but I'm lonely I have bad trust issues and Im so scared...

Please lend me some advice. . . . : )

Oh honey...a big hug for you...its so hard when you feel betrayed. You have been hurt and you are protecting yourself from it happening again. Trouble is life is life and we get hurt more than once...and just because people are family it doesn't mean they are any better people than those we don't know.

Maybe you could look at it differently about people knowing....that it gives you an opportunity to shine. They might talk about you negatively but what could happen if you only react with grace and dignity, and take the opportunity to be bigger than H? That bubbly person is still there...you just have to consciously bring her out. We can all be bubbly and fun when things are great...its when they are dark and challenging that we get to prove it :-). H has a way of challenging us to do just this.

When you tell anyone if your intention is because you care enough about them to be honest and act with character...you shine. Their reaction tells you all about them...are they kind and understanding, compassionate and caring...or are they judgmental and uncaring. And how they react tells you whether they are good for you or not...if they are keep them if not..let them go with thanks!

You are not a horrible person...and you have to learn to believe that. If you are then so are all of us! You will find yourself...it takes time and practice. Work on being the best you can be...exercise, eat well, be with people you feel good about, do stuff you love...its about creating a life. H is only a skin condition....and believe me I have had the dark times too but I decided I didn't want to stay there, I wanted to enjoy life and make a difference. You can make a difference too. Hold your head up and smile, you are worthy and you aren't alone. So glad you posted here, keep posting and asking for support if you need it. We are here for you :-) and we know how you feel. x

It really stinks that your cousin did that. But the fact is that the H is really very common. In fact when I told my therapist I have it, she was like, "you know basically everyone has it." An exaggeration but still. What people think of you is more about them than it is about you. Your cousin obviously has her own issues but those issues have nothing to do with you. You are an amazing, beautiful, open person and don't let any other person convince you otherwise. xoxo

Reading your post actually made my heart ache for you....I know how traumatic gossip can be in a small town setting. I'm so glad to hear you were able to get out of that environment - hopefully you're somewhere much more nurturing. I can also empathize with how alone you feel....only a few short months ago, I was still shut off and cocooning myself, and felt so so alone. Look at how you're reaching out! The fact that you got back onto this forum to write what you did took courage...and that step will hopefully help you to know you're not alone. Congrats on finding someone you really care about. Just remember the past does not have to repeat itself....this person is not your cousin. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt :) xo

It's a shame your cousin reacted the way she did. Not a great way to start out when all you're seeking is support. This site definitely helped me reshape my attitude towards H. I know it's not the end of the world. And if someone doesn't want to be in your life because of it then that's on them. You are still you. Don't let H take you down. Seek out and surround yourself with loving people who see you and only you.

Thanks guys I appreciate everything : ) it's amazing how words them self have help and meaning. : )