BAM! Ella Dawson's Herpes Interviews: The Guy At The Bar

:I met an actual sane human in a bar and then I had sex with him and then I interviewed him about it.

HAPPY STD AWARENESS MONTH EVERYONE!"

https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2016/04/02/the-herpes-interviews-the-guy-from-the-bar/

Hmm. This got my wondering if there are herpes Swingers parties.

God I need a guy like that. He sounds awesome!!!!

@whitedaisies

Then take note of Ella's approach. She's 100% comfortable with her status. She was totally open in the group at the bar (she did work her way towards her Herpes status, but the reality is she doesn't hide from the facts when she gets to that part of herself), so she's going to attract men who like her straightforwardness, confidence, and honesty.

It's unlikely you are going to meet someone like this AND maintain their interest if you are not willing to accept your H status and be ok with however the other person is about it. Not to say you can't find love, and a wonderful man who will adore you exactly as you are, but if you want "a guy like that" then you need to figure out how to take Ella's approach. Go back and read what he said

I was also impressed by your forwardness because the better sexual relationships that I’ve had have been with girls who are very forward upfront. Most relationships I’ve had that petered out quickly were with people who either played mind games or were reserved sexually.

So my point here is that if she had been ashamed of her status, or if she withdrew (because of fear of rejection) or anything like that, odds are this guy would have quickly turned off.

Some men want this kind of of confidence in women. Some are ok with women who need time to warm up and process the relationship at a slower rate. However, the odds are that the former will get you more prospects than the latter ;)

Agreed. Easy for feel confident though when one doesn't have too many prodomes or outbreaks. Ella hasn't been affected too badly physically. I have. A lot harder to feel confident there.

I can't be "out" I have young children.

Yes I can be more confident in my disclosures. I am a smart, professional, educated, empathetic and attractive woman. Just been dealt a really shitty hand.

I think this forum has a bias to say herpes is just a skin condition and if that's how it affects someone an outbreak here and there I see how that confidence can be had. When it's a constant nuisance and physical reminder, it's wayyyyy more difficult. More difficult in feeling confident one can protect their partner, feeling confident a decent sex life can be had wtc.

I get what you are saying but sometimes I feel it's over simplified. Let's just pool all h people into one group. Its a much more difficult struggle for some. If I was asymptomatic my confidence would be a lot less of a problem.

Anyway I appreciate your advice. I haven't been on the dating scene long. One date disclosure of which the guy doesn't believe u can get hsv1 down there so I guess I should end that relationship.

Well, you just don't seem to get it that you have done more swabs than anyone I know and EVERY ONE is negative. That means that if you do indeed have genital herpes, you are hardly shedding at all. So that part really is much simpler for you than you realize.

I get it that they symptoms are a downer and that it makes life harder, but honestly, as I've told you many times, the fact that you just plain can't seem to get even ONE positive swab tells me that your risk of passing H on to someone is slim to none, esp if you use condoms and or antivirals. So as far as the disclosure, you are in a FAR better place than most. Now, as far as LIVING with it, yes, you are certainly more challenged and it will take a man who is empathetic to your "bad days" to be with you.... but again, that is an opportunity that your H is giving you to find a man who will stand by you even on the "bad days" much earlier in the relationship. :)

And you don't have to be "out" - we are talking about disclosure. Ella just does it more publically. In your case, you can do it in private one on one. My point was more about how she OWNS is and doesn't let it stop her from living her life :)

It's not even that shitty a hand. To go further with that analogy, the best Poker players can probably win with almost any hand.

One thing to avoid is using herpes as an excuse to get down on yourself. It can be a mind fuck when you first find out you got it, but then you will get used to it.

@hippyherpy I am two years in. Outbreaks twice a month with prodome on and off quite regularly.

I have ob on my breasts, thighs, lower back, neck.

No matter how much therapy I do. I can't get over this fact and Antivirals don't help much. Decrease duration of ob but not whether ob come.

I really don't think a guy exists that would be able to put up with that.

Hoping the hsv2 vaccine will be quickly transferred to hsv1 before I am an old soul.

Do you take extra lysine supplements?

I do on and off.