An Update & Encouragement for All: Two Years After H

I can't believe it's only been two years since H became a permanent resident in my life. The quiet homebody doesn't bother me much these days. I mean that on a physical, emotional, & spirital level.

Two years ago to the month I was diagnosed with H at an urgent care center around 11:00 PM, 4 days after having sex with my giver. Sex I regretted immediately, eventhough I had no idea why at the time.. Intuition, I guess. The weeks following my diagnosis were wrought with guilt, grief, and sorrow. I think we often forget how natural it is to grieve what once was, after all that is the first step to healing.

Fast forward a few months and I got into amazing shape. Suppressive therapy kept me outbreak free, yoga kept me fit and healthy and sane. I came out to my closest friends and family. I was surrounded by the love I was lacking for myself at the time. Full transparency is me sharing how unlovable I felt, no matter how good I looked.

In August of that year I started my first post-H relationship with a man who hardly batted an eye through my tearful disclosure. I had had some practice on my friends of talking about H without crying, but I felt horribly exposed to him when he time came. I waited after about two weeks of dating, but before the sexual tension became too much to bare. He held me and understood that even the nicest people experience some shitty things, but that didn't make me less than. We got tested for everything else together, practiced safe sex, and eventually even that went out the window. We broke up a few months later for unrelated reasons, but I was so elated to have found not only love.. But the ability to love myself again.

In the months following our breakup, I came out several times. I never had a bad disclosure. I didn't end up committing to any of those people, but none of that had to do with H. II credit my success that to the amount of time I waited before sharing my status, the way I shared it (less tears, more educational, much more confident, and the quality of that person's character (not everyone deserves you! You are a gem.)). I even had a casual hookup during that time with an old flame!

I am currently in a long distance relationship with the most wonderful woman (LGBT community, this is for you too <3). We've been seeing each other for 6 months. She asked a ton of questions when I disclosed, but ultimately decided for herself that 1) the risks of H1 were small and 2) I was worth that risk. She told me last night that she's so happy I decided to love myself so that she could love me too.

So! I'm here to tell you that it does get better. I'll be 23 this year. I will be living the majority of my life with H and I am not afraid because it is a part of me, it does not define me. A minor nuisance on the road of life. An unwanted resident, but remember! You're the owner. ;)

XO

Great to hear from you again. Happy to hear that life is going well for you right now.

That is so inspiring. Thank you!

Thank you for this story. I was just recently diagnosed and it's reassuring that there can be a light at the end of what seems like a very long tunnel

You sound so inspirationally positive

Thanks for sharing ;)

@serendipity515

Soooo glad you checked in with us! And soooo happy for you!

For anyone who is recently diagnosed, you can click on serendipity515's name and go see her journey with us..... I think you will see a lot of what you are feeling now in her early posts.... which may help you to realize that your ATTITUDE has a LOT to do with how well you end up dealing and living with Herpes.

(((HUGS))) all around!