Living with herpes

I found out I had herpes about two years ago. I was with my boyfriend at the time that i was diagnosed with it. We broke up almost a year ago, and it was an abusive situation so I have been single since. I have started talking to a new man, and things are progressing.

I have not told any man that I have herpes, since my last boyfriend, because I haven't had to. I find that there is so much stigma attached to STI's, that I am very scared to tell him. Even though I have been living with this for two years, I am still very new to this. I have been trying to come to grips with the fact that I have it myself. I had it very bad for the first year, where I would have an outbreak last for a month, go away for a couple of days and then return for another month. I didn't have too many non-outbreak days in the first year.I find that now it is getting better with the time in between outbreaks, but they still last two to three weeks. But I do get a break in between for a couple months, which is great now.

I live in Ontario, and valtrax is not covered for me. I have tried other medications, but they only made me sick. But it would be great to take valtrax everyday to help with the severity of my outbreaks. But the medication from month to month is very expensive, and being a single mother, I cannot afford the extra expense.

I fear that if I get into a relationship, I will be scared to spread it along, and I wouldn't want to do that. I fear that when I tell this man that I have herpes, that I will be rejected. I fear that I have to put my guard down and seem vulnerable to any kind of judgements. He is a great man so far, and it may not happen, but what if? I fear that because of all my fears, I will back down, shut him out, and once again feel like I don't deserve to be with anyone because of this. I sometimes feel like it would be easier to date someone who also has herpes, because they would feel everything I do, and the understanding would be there.

I try not to judge others, and this is not why I am writing. I am wondering if anyone else has these fears when stepping into a new relationship, and any advice that can be given would be greatly appreciated. :)

Hey there :)!!! Let me tell you iwas in the same.position but iwas with my government for 4 months and caught H within the first week of being with him threw oral -.- . Itook was in an abusive relationship with him. Well iendex that relationship in January. Before igot with my giver iwant in a relationship with a man fir a year and a half and ended it and while iwas with my giver my ex came back into my life and we hung out a few times and he told me he wanted to work things out. I was SOOOOO afraid to tell him that ihad it in fear that he would reject me and not want to be with me. Iwaited almost 2 weeks to tell him. Ifinally grew the courage to tell him. Iwas expect the worst that way invade he did iwouldnt be as hurt. But idisclosed that ihad contracted it and I've had it since ibroke up with him and he was very supportive and accepting of it :). He told me it didn't matter to him its not a big deal at all. Were about to celebrate 2 years!! But ialso have a few Guy friends idisclosed ihad it to them and they said "dude its no big deal ihave dated chicks that have had it just be careful and that's it". They are so right there are plenty of people that are accepting of it some people arnt as well but its just a skin condition that flares up once in awhile is all :). Ihope that helped you :).

Much love,

Tiffany

Yes yes yes I totally understand hon. We all have these fears....and I have learned if he is a great man then you telling him will bring you closer. I have disclosed to a few and have never been rejected..some were easier than others (although never totally) and the last one was the most scary because he mattered to me the most. But he proved he is a great man...accepted me, took responsibility to find out about H on his own so it wasn't such a burden for me - and told me that H is a small part of the package that is me and he thinks I am amazing. That is the kind of great man you want...anything less is not the man for you.

H is giving you the opportunity to be greater...by being brave while feeling vulnerable (and there is beauty and goodness in that), being bigger than your fears. I can understand you feeling like this with having a rough first year - I did too..now 18 months later I rarely get an episode. I didn't take suppressive medication until a short time ago and then stopped as I wasn't in a relationship - just started again as I am now in one. We are moving in together and I want to minimise the risk for him. Taking has not made any difference to the frequency of episodes...it just helps me know I am reducing the risk. Sex is wonderful with us and we are just more creative!

So get your life healthy in every way. Treat yourself well, eat well, get into shape with excercise, be with people who make you feel good about yourself and ditch the rest, find things you LOVE doing and give up anger and resentment. No pills can replace doing all those things and these will help you heal and feel fabulous. And honey don't limit yourself to only men who have H...there are so many good men who don't and will love you for you. x

I appreciate all of these words of encouragement :) Thank you so much for sharing your experiences as well, as it helps me gain the courage to tell him.. If he isn't worth it, then I will know by his reaction.