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My BF has Herpes. He uses herbs from garden and kitchen. Is anyone doing the same? Does it work?


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My BF is not taking any medication for his Herpes. He claims that he doesn't need. I am confused. He uses some ayurvedic stuff. Is anyone using neem oil and neem paste?

 

Does it work?

I am worried.

We are marrying in Jan (we are not intimate now) and I am scared about this self-treatment.

 

He does look better in general. He looks vibrant after using them. But I am very scared. It makes me angry at times. He is a nice, honest guy. I am not sure about trusting wholly in herbal medicines though. :(

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I was on antiviral therapy at recent time of diagnosis, but now I am taking the holistic approach, for as long as I can..

 

You can still have sex and take precautions...the ladies here are better with the stats than I am about condom usage and suppressive therapy.

 

Hugs!!

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@Francina7

 

Well, here's the thing. He obviously would prefer to not use medication and I think that is a valid personal choice. I have heard of people using Neem and it certainly doesn't hurt...and may well help. There are a lot of things we suggest here for people who would prefer to not take the anti-virals that work for most people to at least knock down/control OB's. Anyway, he's making a CHOICE about what he wants to put in or on his body....

 

Now, YOU have the choice about whether you want to marry him, KNOWING this. I can't tell you what is right for you ... but perhaps you need to really research the virus to see if you are buying into the stigma, or if this is something that is a dealbreaker for you (neither one is "right or wrong"). But I don't think you are going to change his point of view about alternative/herbal medicine, so likely this will keep coming up with other issues....so you may have to CHOOSE if this is something you can live with ...

 

(((HUGS)))

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@Francina7 just a little insight. I married my ex husband and didn't have sex until after marriage, knowing he had HPV. W that said, I was obsessive about catching it and very paranoid. We always had sex w condoms and him wearing boxer briefs, which really ruins the moment to prep like that. One day he said to me: "if you only plan on being w me forever, why do you care so much about getting it? It makes me feel like you're not planning on being w me forever." And you know what? He was right . we were in the military at the time and in a relationship. He was due to come up on orders and we didn't want to get separated. I knew marrying him wasn't the right thing for me and is why I hid it from my family. I even cried the day we walked out of the court house, like what have I done!?? I also did it, to help him financially and I thought I loved him. Eventually I think it started to make him feel insecure and like I was one foot out the door. He ended up cheating on me when I was away for a month in training. He begged me to stay w him and I did. Three months later, he left me for a different woman than he cheated w. I was 22 when I married him and divorced in less than a yr. I'm 34 now. I was angry and didn't understand then what I figured out about 6-7yrs ago and I do not blame him completely for cheating, I have some responsibility in it as well.

 

I emasculated him and gave him no sense of security based on all of this. He was right... I couldn't see myself being w him for life. It didn't feel right and I didn't want to catch something and be rejected in the future by soneone because of it.

 

I share this w you, because it will give you a lot of insight to your situation. I thought I was already in love w him, when we found out he had it. I had him get tested after dating for three months, before we had sex. He wasn't sure what the bumps were until he went in for it. People told me to leave him, including my father who said he got it in college and that's not baggage i want to deal w, but I thought that was awful and couldn't walk away from someone I cared deeply about. I call what I had, more like puppy love, but none the less, I felt it was real, but I still knew in my gut, he was Mr. Right now, not Mr. Forever.

 

So do some thinking and deep inner reflection to find out where your anger and fear is really stemming from. Are you maybe uncertain he is someone you want to spend the rest of your life w and don't want to risk catching this if things don't work out?

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Interestingly, the CDC reckons that anyone who is sexually active will get HPV at some time in their life...and while you can ID Genital Warts on a man (which is one type of HPV), there are 38 others that we STILL can't test for in men...

 

And with HSV, there's a 1 in 6 chance you will be dating someone with HSV2 and 4:5 chance that someone will have HSV1 ... so with that in mind, remember that dating someone else doesn't mean you will avoid this problem again (tho they may be willing to take the anti-virals)

 

Point being, @2Legit2Quit is right - look REALLY hard at why you are marrying this man. You say "He's a nice, honest guy" ... but I don't hear any words of LOVE ... don't marry him just because he's nice and honest ... marry him because you can't imagine life without him... even WITH Herpes ;)

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If you're concerned about contracting it, the only thing that suppresses viral shedding an ibs, are antivirals. Herbs will not minimize the viral asymptomatic shedding. If you are marrying him, why are you scared and refraining from sex.

 

We just want to wait until we get married. We are pretty old-fashioned. To be honest, I have been a commitment phobic all my life. This is a big step for me. Thanks for telling about antivirals.

 

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I was on antiviral therapy at recent time of diagnosis, but now I am taking the holistic approach, for as long as I can..

 

You can still have sex and take precautions...the ladies here are better with the stats than I am about condom usage and suppressive therapy.

 

Hugs!!

 

Thank you!

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@Francina7 just a little insight. I married my ex husband and didn't have sex until after marriage, knowing he had HPV. W that said, I was obsessive about catching it and very paranoid. We always had sex w condoms and him wearing boxer briefs, which really ruins the moment to prep like that. One day he said to me: "if you only plan on being w me forever, why do you care so much about getting it? It makes me feel like you're not planning on being w me forever." And you know what? He was right . we were in the military at the time and in a relationship. He was due to come up on orders and we didn't want to get separated. I knew marrying him wasn't the right thing for me and is why I hid it from my family. I even cried the day we walked out of the court house, like what have I done!?? I also did it, to help him financially and I thought I loved him. Eventually I think it started to make him feel insecure and like I was one foot out the door. He ended up cheating on me when I was away for a month in training. He begged me to stay w him and I did. Three months later, he left me for a different woman than he cheated w. I was 22 when I married him and divorced in less than a yr. I'm 34 now. I was angry and didn't understand then what I figured out about 6-7yrs ago and I do not blame him completely for cheating, I have some responsibility in it as well.

 

I emasculated him and gave him no sense of security based on all of this. He was right... I couldn't see myself being w him for life. It didn't feel right and I didn't want to catch something and be rejected in the future by soneone because of it.

 

I share this w you, because it will give you a lot of insight to your situation. I thought I was already in love w him, when we found out he had it. I had him get tested after dating for three months, before we had sex. He wasn't sure what the bumps were until he went in for it. People told me to leave him, including my father who said he got it in college and that's not baggage i want to deal w, but I thought that was awful and couldn't walk away from someone I cared deeply about. I call what I had, more like puppy love, but none the less, I felt it was real, but I still knew in my gut, he was Mr. Right now, not Mr. Forever.

 

So do some thinking and deep inner reflection to find out where your anger and fear is really stemming from. Are you maybe uncertain he is someone you want to spend the rest of your life w and don't want to risk catching this if things don't work out?

 

Big hugs to you girl!!!!

 

Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much! :o You didn't have to tell all that but you took time and did for a stranger! It helped me realize many things. I want to be with him forever as he has brought great deal of joy, happiness and peace to me. Thank you girl. I will be with him and deal with this. I will never date anyone again as it will never give this joy.

 

PS- My anger and fear stems from keeping my guard up to prevent getting hurt. Most of the time, the guard I have me suffocates me and hurts me. -_-

 

 

 

 

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Interestingly, the CDC reckons that anyone who is sexually active will get HPV at some time in their life...and while you can ID Genital Warts on a man (which is one type of HPV), there are 38 others that we STILL can't test for in men...

 

And with HSV, there's a 1 in 6 chance you will be dating someone with HSV2 and 4:5 chance that someone will have HSV1 ... so with that in mind, remember that dating someone else doesn't mean you will avoid this problem again (tho they may be willing to take the anti-virals)

 

Point being, @2Legit2Quit is right - look REALLY hard at why you are marrying this man. You say "He's a nice, honest guy" ... but I don't hear any words of LOVE ... don't marry him just because he's nice and honest ... marry him because you can't imagine life without him... even WITH Herpes ;)

 

I love him lots and he is my best friend who truly loves me. I was just being worried as I am a germaphobe and borderline OCD with lots of issues. LOL Thank you girl. I get freaked out at times.

 

All that matters is that we love each other. Thanks for reminding me. I can't live without him. -_-

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Thanks to everyone for you input. It shows you guys really care about others. I was worried as his friend suggested him a book and he claimed that he is "cured" now. It made me very angry that he was being misled. The book was written by some guy Richard Teddy Frank or Prank or Whatever on natural cure who is not even a doctor but an accountant and wellness expert. I was like "Seriously?!?!?!?"

 

He bought it and started following it like it was Bible which made me a bit stressed and scared. He does looks better from doing all that breathing techniques, detox, healthy diet and exercise. But that is NOT a Herpes book right? That's about wellness. I hate when people think Asian medicines has all the cure.

 

I got tired trying to reason out. Maybe I can reason with him when he gets his next outbreak to start taking antivirals. No matter what, I will be with him.

 

Thank you.

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A couple of comments I'd like to make ;)

 

As far as HPV(above mention)I also have HPV, I was diagnosed about 15 years ago and lost part of my cervix...my husband at the time sought testing, (I was with him 13 years), it came back negative but we were informed it is very very difficult to diagnose a man with HPV, (the strain that causes cancer)

 

HSV2, I am newly and oldly diagnosed (long story) but I'm told it's more common than we think also, I'm starting to think it's more of an emotional disease for me.

 

There is no cure for HSV.

 

Take care

 

Hugs!!!

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@Francina7

 

No, there is no cure and your BF DOES need to understand that ... he may be able to help his body to control the virus better through diet, supplements, etc ... but the virus hides in the nerves and is (at this point) impossible to eradicate. Perhaps you can send him here for info... tell him that his friend is NOT a professional and likely not well educated at all about Herpes ... and that this group has people who have had it for many years (I'm a 35 yr veteran).

 

Believe me, I'm a Massage Therapist and I believe that if you can support your body with supplements FIRST then that is my preferred method ... BUT .. reality is that each person's body reacts to the virus AND the different control methods (drugs AND supplements) differently. Each person has to find what works for THEM to CONTROL the virus and with luck put it into a latent ... but reality is, THERE IS NO CURE. It can ALWAYS rear it's head at some point in the future.

 

As for your germphobia/OCD issues, perhaps this is a great place for you to come to peace with some of that ... sometimes life sends us things to help us learn a lesson ... so get yourself educated about the virus and how to do what you can to avoid getting it (including what to do if you are concerned he may be shedding when you want to get freaky ... see links below) AND perhaps consider how you would deal IF you get it ....

 

http://herpeslife.com/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5807/list-the-ways-to-protect-my-partner-from-getting-herpes-hsv2 Safe alternatives to sex

 

 

Worst case scenario: You get married. Somewhere down the line you get it... AND you *could* get a rough case of it (lets be honest here) that might take some time to control. And you could later end up splitting and you are out in the dating scene... and you have to disclose... If you love him enough that this "risk" is worth it .... because RIGHT NOW you can't imagine life without him and you both have every intent to be together for the long haul, then you go forward making the CHOICE to be with him and the chance you could get it....

 

If not, you leave, knowing that you could STILL get it from someone who has no idea they have it, or someone who chooses to not tell you (we have a conversation on here right now with someone who is trying to come up with every reason to not disclose and there are MANY out there with that mindset).

 

Part of being an Adult is making Adult Decisions where we have to weigh up all the possibilities and then move forward accepting whatever outcome we get. None of us have a crystal ball ... we have to choose and then move forward and know that we did what was right in that moment no matter what happens, and have NO REGRETS.

 

If you can take every day, and every life event with this attitude, you will be well ahead of most people out there because you will never be a "victim" of what life throws at you.... (even when it really sucks!). It's a powerful place to live from... :)

 

(((HUGS)))

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When I said HPV, I was referring to the strain that causes genital warts and yes, he had them on his penis when we married and finely engaged in sex. They were covered by the condom and the boxer briefs were an added coverage. Also, I never got it.

 

I'm really happy that my personal story helped you to realize so much. I too had the same OCD issues as you. I'm not sure of your age, but once life started hitting me hard, a lot of those issues dissipated. OCD is just a way to feel like you're controlling your anxiety, because you have nothing to control it w, because you don't entirely understand where it all comes from. I was the same way. Have you thought about seeking a therapist or some antianxiety meds? Not anything like benzos, I feel those things are really, really bad for people and your body comes addicted to them w in 3 weeks, even on tiny doses, so long as you take it daily. Something like Prozac maybe?

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@2Legit2Quitt"

 

I am 34 but I always had minimal exposure to the real world. Most of my phobias are based on facts (like Adrian Monk claims). I don't take medication. I try to do the right thing and everything stays normal. Only when I lose focus of what needs to be done, I get into obsessions, addictions and stress.

 

Thanks for telling all that. Sex is too much info to process. You have helped more than you realize.

 

Hugs to you!

 

 

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Great I am so glad to hear! Maybe yoga and meditation would be a good start. I have also found at this age, we tend to be vitamin D3 deficient and that contributes to emotions being out of whack. Please start taking some along w pure magnesium, not magnesium oxide, as your body won't absorb that. I feel a huge difference in my brain fog and depression and anxiety, when I haven't taken my supplements for a week or more.

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@2Legit2Quit

 

Thank you!

 

I used to be different before I became a Christian. I had no fear and anxiety. I was tough though I wasn't street smart. I was always a topper in class and first in everything like dancing, acting, etc. Too ambitious and slightly arrogant. I never cried. Was a commitment phobic as I had trust issues. My aim was to become richer than Dad and walk out saying I can take care of myself.

 

Everything changed after I became Christian. In the beginning of my Christian journey some of the bad fake Christians did a lot of harm by their constant nagging telling I need to be humble, must give away all that I had to them, shouldn't be single, shouldn't be ambitious, etc.

 

Result: I am in trouble. I felt constantly guilty on my every success and compliment. I started getting more and more plain, dull and 'humble' which didn't suit my true nature. Then I started getting scared. Every single one of them said that I have studied too much already and must stop it and marry the guy God has shown in vision (which was the pastor themselves or their relatives- mostly). When I reasoned out that there is no limit to education or achievements just to make them understand that I am not proud as there are people out there who are more educated than I am or more ambitious than I am, they would say I was being too worldly.

 

I was few months away from becoming a Chartered Accountant as I had a very good coaching and I was aiming for a rank in top 5 in my exams. My teachers (CAs) were expecting too. These pigs ruined me so much that I got scared that I will get lost if I write exams and take the partnership position my teacher offered me. I lost 7 years now. I couldn't take normal jobs as it won't support my lifestyle. I just stayed in my apartment and became even more sad & unproductive. By the time I understood that they were doing all that just to con me out of money and things, I lost my career and tons of money.

 

These so-called Christians did too much harm than any criminal can do to me. I do love being a Christian. It is personal. I think people shouldn't force religious views on others and use Bible verses to their advantage. I just don't understand why I listened to them. Usually I never listened to any stupid suggestion or idea.

 

I just wanted to share this with you as you made some effect on me.

Thank you girl.

 

Hugs!

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You're exactly right, which is why I don't believe in religion and I tend to be of a more spiritual person. I don't like how organized religion makes people feel bad about themselves and tends to be very cult like, IMHO.... Find your own relationship w god and let him guide you what is the right thing to do for you. It diagusts me when I see so many pastors that are millionaires and pekoe treat them like they're the messiah themselves. You don't need religion or a church to connect w god. Maybe start your own routine at home, where you dedicate some time to be w "him".

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@2legit2Quit

 

I don't attend any church or religious gathering at all. I just pray by myself. I am trying to write my exams now and have started preparations. Time is less. So many amendments and new case laws. But I can do all things through Him. Getting healthier. Started yoga, pilates and just being myself again.

 

Thankyou so much for having a nice chat.

Hugs.

 

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