It could have been addressed earlier

I am a 58 year old man and a widower for 2+ years. I met a lovely woman several months ago and the relationship has grown wonderfully. Last week she let me know she has hsv and has had it for many many years. It is apparently of low intensity and she reports minor outbreaks Every couple of years. She thought the virus was only active when she had an outbreak and consistent with this belief she told Me when she felt a sore coming. But my research online tells me two things. 1- she can shed the virus at anytime and so her info was not correct. And 2-that typically, discussions online go ballistic when disclosure is made after having had sex.

I am definitely not happy with how thislYed out but I have reason to believe her story is essentially true (even while the facts may be true she may also have feared the ramifications of sharing this with me). I am mostly interested in moving forward with this woman who has so wonderfully come into My life but my trust has not been fully restored yet. Am I crazy to take her explanation at face value and work to build the relationship? Or is there something about this unfolding that warrants specific attention or a reality check? This is a relationship I want to build but I also do not want to ignore an important factor in the foundation of our potential future

Many view failure to

Timely disclose an unforgivable. I suspect members can provide a broader perspective.

Thanks

Actually what she told you, many doctors still tell patients that to this very day! Guessing based on your age and her having it a long time, that was actually what they thought back then. They actually didn't know there was something called asymptomatic shedding taking place for a long time. It's not uncommon for that to happen and Dancer can attest to it as well, as she's had it like 30yrs I think.

W that said, the risk of transmission is pretty low. Not sure if she takes daily meds for it or if you guys used protection, but the statistics are as follows, sex 3xs a week for a year.

- no condoms or meds: 4%

- condoms or meds: 2%

- both condoms or meds: 1%

I have many friends who have never transmitted to their partners. My beat guy friend was married to a woman w HSV for 7 yrs and he never got it. It is harder to transmit female to male than the other way around.

I understand your reservations, but her info is based on what they thought some yrs ago and as I stated, some still say that to this day.

Now the risk while low, is still there and you need to ask yourself if you are OK w getting it and would you resent her. Once you come to those answers, then you can decide what direction you want to go w the relationship.

You can always ask her to get on daily meds, to lower the risk for you.

Thanks so much. your perspective is really quite helpful. The stats provided are interesting too.... where are they from?

From this site who works w west overheights who is the leader in treating herpes and research. Dr. DeLeon is the one I believe who did the study to determine statistics.

Thanks, that's great.

Np... There's a lot of misinformation out there online and this is one of the only sites that has the most up to date and accurate info.