Mother lost and looking for help

Our daughter informed us that she has genital herpes and I did what any mom would do with that news, held her, encouraged her and told her it will be ok and then at night I surfed and read anything and everything I could, thought about the what if's, her future and cried a lot. Now I am looking for help so that we can be there to help her. I know when she started to have the outbreak she went to a clinic and they did a swab, not sure how long it takes to get those results but it has been almost a week, are there any other tests I should suggest to her to get? Where can I go to find information for parents on what to do or how to support and help her? It was a shock to her/us because she never had any symptoms before (and he said the same) and then after this one time with this person they both broke out a few days later. Not knowing much this seemed strange to me. I worry about her health, self esteem and future. I need to know how to be there for her if her news ever comes out as I know people can be so cruel. There are so many sites and so much information but just not sure what is actual helpful info. So any help that anyone can offer I would greatly appreciate, I need to be pointed in the right direction so that we can support and be here for her.

Sorry about the potential news, but the swab isn't back yet so maybe its folliculitis or something unimportant. Have they come down with fever at all?

It's sweet to read a post about unconditional love and support, not everyone here is lucky enough to have such a caring parent! You've been doing the main part already: encouraging, holding and just being around. You could make sure she's stocked up with fruit and maybe multivitamins because she'll probably feel tired and run down for a while if it is hsv.

Baths and anything to relax is step two. (Other threads will describe natural remedies for adding to the bath and treating sores) For girls, it'll help with stinging internal sores especially.

She's probably gonna get quite depressed, but you really have to help her appreciate the small things. My mind went into fight or flight mode, but it helps to remind myself it could be HIV or cancer, and life won't really change. I still have a lifetime to travel, learn, hang out, find love etc.

If you're in the US they can both take a blood test and if the number is quite high, they've been building immunity for a while. In case you'd like to understand who passed to who.

Keep reading and educating, and recommend that she does the same. When you read up on it, not only do you realise it's not a big deal, but you see the word every day and it just becomes kind've boring.. takes the shock factor out of it!

Good luck and don't worry.

@veryblessed

Welcome mom! You have already done everything right and coming here and posting looking for REAL information and support is fantastic! The more you read on this site both for information and support you will see that this is one of the best resources for all your questions. Our forum "mom" @WCSDancer2010 will chime in and give you a plethora of links and information to narrow it down for you (right dancer? :)

The swab is typically a reliable test as long as it's done properly so the result would be accurate (may take up to 2 weeks for results). As for the simultaneous outbreak, that is quite interesting but we can carry the virus and not know it then one day it appears!

I can speak to the emotional realities and the stigma.... having herpes for over 15 years you learn a few things...

The early days, weeks and months are the hardest. Some people take years, others take days but the process is usually the same. It starts with a feeling like your life is over, that you will never have a happy and healthy relationship again now that you have herpes. You think that life will never be the same again and you are "damaged" goods that no one could possibly be attracted to. The physical discomfort only adds to the emotional pain and feelings of shame. BUT..... over time, it gets easier. The more you learn about the virus the better you feel, you learn that 80% of people have herpes and 1 in 5 have genital herpes. That is A LOT of people! This forum is just a snapshot of the millions of people who have herpes and have awesome, fulfilling lives. The reality is, herpes is a skin condition. A virus. Not life threatening and certainly not worthy of the stigma and shame attached to it. Once your daughter goes through the stages of grieving and fear, she will find solace from the others who share this reality (as will you). Stigma is only as powerful as we let it be, so many of us have gone public or disclosed to others only to find that there are a lot of really smart and open people who don't run when they hear the word herpes. Instead, they stay, they learn and they love us :)

Herpes actually weeds out the ignorant people from our lives and allows us to find deep and meaningful connections. You will read about many success stories on this forum and in my experience, herpes has been a blessing. It has helped me determine what I really value in life and it has made me stronger and more informed. There is no shame in herpes, only shame in letting it define you in a negative way. So the best advice I can give you, is to be a mom.... just as if she skinned her knee, caught lice or any other normal thing that happens to us as human beings. IT WILL BE OK. Support her, love her and find out as much as you can about herpes, learn and grow TOGETHER. Just know that this is not a life sentence, just a bump along the way. Your daughter's journey is just beginning but take it from me, if herpes is the worst thing you have to deal with, you are doing just fine ;)

@veryblessed

Hello and Welcome!

What a beautiful thing that your daughter trusted you enough to come to you with this! So many are afraid that their parents will take it badly or reject them (and sadly there ARE many mis-informed parents out there) so Well Done for raising a daughter who knows you will love her unconditionally 🙂

I can't add a whole lot to what has been said already ... right now your daughter just needs to know that Herpes doesn't define her and you are one of the best people to help her to see that. Just LOVE her and let her know that she CAN find love, she CAN have babies if she wants to, she CAN have a great life. Tell her to come on here if she needs to hear from others who have gone before her in this journey. We have everything from late teens/early 20-somethings who are also recently diagnosed to old farts like me who got it over 35 yrs ago.... there tons of support and experience and love here for her if she needs it. The Success Stories will help her to see that whatever happens with her partner, she can find love "even with" a H- partner (most of our Success Stories are with discordant couples). @Adrial has a ton of blogs on here. I'll post links below with self help ideas and some basic info as well as a link to a young girl's blog who has become an internet heroine of the H community.

The bottom line is this: Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Your daughter can either choose to allow herself to buy into the stigma, withdraw, beat herself up, and believe her life is over. Or she can choose to realize that it's just a virus that causes a rash in a really inconvenient place that she will have to learn to manage. And @fitgirl is soooo right about how having Herpes can help you to weed out the negative people in your life ... I'll add a link about what that means too 🙂

Quick primer on tests: Swabs are generally pretty accurate if they come back positive... if they come back negative though it's possible it's because the virus was just not shedding at the time (usually because the person didn't get swabbed early enough in the outbreak). There are blood tests here in the USA ... some countries won't do them ... but they won't come up positive for roughly 4 months post exposure ... so if they both get blood tested, odds are one will come up H+ and the other won't ... if they are HSV1+ odds are that they got it from oral sex (which would be odd to have both come up with an OB at the same time though ... ). The thing they both need to remember is that 80% of people don't know they have herpes ... which is one of the main reasons why so many people have the virus ... by remaining silent, it has a better chance of being passed on 😞

We are here for both of you. Ask all you need to and if your daughter wants to come aboard we will welcome her with open arms... and know that she WILL be ok ..... alright Mama??

(((HUGS)))

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/dating-with-herpes

Treatments/medications

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6024/dealing-with-outbreaks#latest includes links below

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/

Links to some of the items suggested in the links

http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum

http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream

http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil

http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil

http://bit.ly/Zinccream

http://tinyurl.com/bactine

http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose

http://tinyurl.com/DMSO4HSV

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Herpes facts video:

I was diagnosed with GH almost 5 months ago. I, too, felt like my world had ended. My mother was the first person I told when I found out. When I had stopped crying so hard and could actually tell her what was wrong, the first thing she said was, "Oh, that's it? We can handle that." She talked me down from the ledge and tried to tell me how NOT a big deal it really was. She even told me how many of her friends also have it (quite a lot). Once I got past the initial outbreak (which was admittedly very painful), I realized she was right. In just a short amount of time, it has gone from feeling like the end of the world to being a minor annoyance at worst and something I often forget about at best.

I would encourage your daughter to sign up here. Hard facts and seeing just how NORMAL this is will help her, I promise. The more I read about others' experiences and the realities of this infection, the less scared I became. As for you, I would suggest you try and NOT approach this as a scary/earth-shattering/evil thing. She will feel that from you and it will not help her state of mind. Being calm, rational and normalizing this will do your daughter wonders. It WILL be okay.

I wish to thank ALL of you for your support, information, guidance and kind words. It is comforting knowing that there is help for both my daughter and myself. I know we will get through this but I know that I need all the information that I can get so that I can support her and help her through this little "bump in the road" and all of your comments have helped. And it helps to know that there is a place where my daughter and myself can turn for help, information and advice. Thank you again..

@veryblessed my daughter has told me she has ghsv1 as well. I am the only one that knows besides the boy she thinks gave it to her. I did exactly what you did, helped her, took her to the doctor, cried, and then started looking up as much information as I could on the internet. I worry about the same things you do. She seems to be coping quite well right now, but I don't know how she will feel the first time she has to tell a boy, especially if they reject her. I am on this website daily reading all the posts and telling her as much information as I can. I also had her join, but I don't know if she has been on. She has recently told one good friend I think because she just wanted someone to talk to. The friend was very supportive, but it upset my daughter in one way at the ignorance that is out there because the friend wanted to know if my daughter was going to die from this! Other than that, it helped her to have a friend to talk to about it. I think in time it will get easier, but since she is so young, it could be tough for a while because teens are really cruel. If you ever want to talk, you can message me. I hope your daughter and you are doing fine now.

Thank you thank you thank you @veryblessed for supporting your daughter at this time!

Ella Cameron, a brilliant young lady who has become the "Poster Child" for the Herpes movement, just published this blog that may help your daughter :)

https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2015/10/20/to-the-teenage-girls-who-have-herpes/