Day 2 of my outbreak ... My thoughts

I always believed that god doesn't put you into situations that you can handle but I don't know of I can believe that anymore . I know I'm a strong girl but I don't know of I'm strong enough to handle this . It's to overwhelming . I feel like I don't deserve this . I know what I did was stupid and I regret it so much . The pain is unbearabley and there's nothing I can do about it . I'm just another statistic , young and dumb like the rest of them . I know my life isn't over but it sure feels that way . If this is what I have to look forward too then I don't have much too look forward to . The pain is excruciating makes me wanna cry all day . I'm disgusted with myself. I'm such a disappointment , to myself and others. Everyone thinks I'm such a nice beautiful girl but they would probably beg to differ if they knew the real me . They say they wont look at you any different but I know for sure they do . I have noone , I'm in this alone . My whole body hurts inside and out . I'm hopeless . Everyday tasks are like challenges to me now . I alwys feel sick and tears seem to be always stingy my eyes . I try to be happy but the thought haunts me . I really don't know of I can do this . Wish I could just disappear .

Will I ever feel the same ?

I am so sorry you are feeling this way! I want to wrap my arms around you and give you the biggest hug around! I honestly know EXACTLY how you are feeling...but don't ever for a second allow this skin irritation (and that's what it is) dictate your life and define who you are. Herpes is NOT who you are! Do I need to tell you again? Herpes is NOT who you are! Herpes is NOT "the real you". You are still a wonderful, caring, beautiful, nice girl who happens to have a skin irritation. You're still going to be the world to someone, even if you can't quite see it right at this very moment.

I'm telling you, after reading this site pretty much from front to back, I've grown to understand that H really is an opportunity. It allows you to search deep within and helps you learn things about your body and your mind that you might never have taken the time to get to know otherwise. It forces you to take care of yourself and to take control over your own life and your emotions, it helps you to focus on YOU! It also helps you to soul search and to really discover all of the positive aspects about yourself. When you look at the big picture, herpes is so tiny in comparison. It could be sooooo much worse!

Read the statistics, they always make me feel better. Look at it like this, we're lucky that we know we have this, about 80% of people who have herpes don't even know....poor buggers ;).

I know it hurts right now, both physically and mentally, but keep pushing through...you'll be shocked at how resilient you are, you'll bounce back and in the end you'll come out of this a better person, I promise you.

Big hugs and much love YoungOne

Brighteyes

Hey YoungOne,

I've been feeling a lot of what you're feeling, and it is getting better. Day by day, it's getting better. It surpised even me...that horrible feeling has eased a bit. Little by little, it'll get better for you too.

No one deserves this, but things just happen. You should not think that you're a disappointment. Ever. When I found out, I was feeling so lost and so afraid, it was overwhelming. But I started to think of all that I have in my life - how fortunate I am to live where I live, to have my friends, my family, my pets, my job, etc. And I have to remind myself to put things in perspective. I can guarantee that there are a lot of people who would trade places with you in an instant if they could. There are some ghastly diseases out there and we don't have one of those diseases. Just as brighteyes says, we have a very common, very treatable skin irritation. Every so often it may become an inconvenience, but we can treat it and move on. And you have your youth! That may sound so cliche, but it's true. Enjoy it. Keep reading this forum because it is helping me bounce back and they will help you.

If I were in front of you I'd reach over and give you a big big hug.

Hi YoungOne,

I want to join in with brighteyes and coffeepal and wrap my arms around you; giving you the biggest hug in the world. I just want to hold you and explain to you that everything is okay. You are still a nice beautiful girl, with so much to offer to the world, other people, and yourself. Please let your heart be open and see yourself as the beautiful being that you are.

I know exactly what it's like to shut down bc of Herpes. It was the 1st time in my life that I was angry at God. As I processed everything; I realized that God never stopped loving me. I got herpes, and I had to stop making it mean all these things. I made up a million stories that I got herpes bc I'm a bad person, or bc I deserved to suffer in some way. Now, after having herpes for 10 months, I've realized that I got herpes because I got herpes. There's no meaning behind it. It just happened. And in the past 10 months, I've found a love for myself that I've never known before. I hated myself at 1st and thought that I was unlovable to the world. It's just not true though. You are still so lovable. As a matter of fact, I love you dearly. It breaks my heart to think of you suffering.

I was talking to my friends the other day, and we started to have really authentic conversation about hardships in our lives. It's really amazing to hear what others go through in life; scared to talk about it with others bc we're all so afraid of judgement.

My friend said "You know, I heard that if everybody was open and honest about their difficulties in life, it wouldn't be so hard for everyone to deal with them. We all live in fear of others, when all that everybody wants is to be loved. Also, I heard that if everybody took their hardships and openly threw them into the street, when it came time to clean up; everyone would want to take back their own hardship. After seeing what others are going through, we realize our own difficulties aren't so bad."

Big love to you. You will absolutely feel the same.

You are the same.

Love,

Katie