Roller Coaster mode

After finding out I had HSV-2 in October I fell off the wagon. I had been working out like crazy all year trying to improve myself and get in the best shape of my life. Well 365 days from when I started I dropped 20% body fat and 22 pounds. This was beyond what my goals were at the start. But throwing a positive test result tainted everything. I don't feel attractive even when girls approach me or ask me for my number. I know Im being self-destructive by disqualifying myself before I even get their name.

I wanted a relationship when I first found out but now I realize that I can't bring someone into this situation. I know there is nothing I can do but work through it. I've gotten back into the gym again which has helped greatly. I'm hoping to try and make the next Herpes Opportunity weekend workshop. I know I have too much self loathing to accept myself and accept the fact that I am not my herpes. I guess I don't feel comfortable asking someone to bring me into my world until I have a little more control over what I have and how I handle myself day to day.

I have held it together minus a few breakdowns when I get home from going out with friends. I go out and want to approach a girl who I think is cute, but my mindset immediately goes to "whats the point?" I know for all I know she could have it too and we could be perfect together, but Im so insecure now that I won't even allow myself to allow for any vulnerability. Kinda lost and see I rambled on. Thanks for listening everyone.

Nick

Hey Nick,

Hang in there!!!

This is only one small piece of the awesome person that you are. Keep reaching out and getting support.... Sending good vibes your way...

I'm sending you a big hug Nick...I know just how you feel. It does get better and this time last year I was in the same situation - diagnosed in the October too. It is a process to feel more confident, and its often one step forward and two back.

I have met several men over the last year who I have disclosed to and none have rejected me. I haven't got intimate with most of them (and not because of H but I just didn't want to go there with them for other reasons) but it was great practice! I have now just met someone special and he sees past it. I contracted it from someone who disclosed to me...he was special, only it didn't work out because of circumstances (I could deal with H, just not being 'mother' to his three teenage boys who came back to live with him!).

If you can get to one of the H Opportunity seminars GO! It will be the most amazing thing for you - I know from others who have been its helped them heal and grow. DrSuz is right - hang in there, reach out for support and remember H is just an annoying skin condition that you happen to have like the rest of us. Let yourself be vulnerable - there is power in that :-)

Janice

Hi,

big hug from me too.Well i am getting more comfortable with herpes too but i dont wanne met any guy neither, i am far to scared to bring him in the same situation i am in now.Even if its only skin condition but i dont wanne make somebody suffer..i can see your point.you never know but maybe somebody nice will come around some day and you will not be scared that much anymore...at least i hope this will happen at one point.Lets try not to take herpes part over our whole live, i went today to gym too and i will start training next month....some exercise cant be that bad:) wish you good luck.Judith

Thank you everyone. I appreciate the help.

Hi NS...I don't have any words for you today. Just sending you a warm hug and wishes for peace and strength for you.

Have you listened to the call How to Never Feel Rejected Again? (link up and to the right?) Adrial interviewed me and another member of our community. It was helpful for me even just talking it out.

I had a painful encounter with someone I met online who HAD herpes. He was all up in my kool aid and psyched to meet me...so much so that he flew two hours to see me. We spent the day together and had a great time...or so I thought.

Long story short...he called me when he got home and said he wanted his d**k to get hard when he kissed me and it didn't, so...he didn't want to continue to have contact. I felt really hurt, but then I came to my senses and realized he was a huge ass and I was glad things didn't go any further.

Rejection is a part of life. What we have to learn is how to respond when it happens. We'd experience rejection even if we didn't have herpes. It is the story we tell ourselves about our herpes that causes us to hide and feel like damaged goods. But that story is a lie.

So what is the truth about you, NS? What do you have to offer a woman in a relationship? I bet it is all kinds of good. Will you share a few things here?

Stay strong,

Kristin

Hey Nick,

Kristin has a great idea there. Build a positive list of all that you have to offer (I'm sure it's more than H). Making lists like that has helped me with other things in the past, it just takes some effort and time to get the focus to be more positive. There may also be things you can offer that others will help you identify, and like Lelani said, it's a process. Reach out for support as often as you need, and even sometimes when you don't. I've found that just being on this forum and trying to help others has made a huge difference in my attitude.

Judith also brings up an interesting topic. We often times limit ourselves by taking the choice away from others. By not giving them a chance to show us who they are we believe that this is how we maintain control in a vulnerable situation. What we're really doing is feeling guilty about possibly passing H on to others. They are adults, and when we are honest they have the ability to make their own choice. We wouldn't feel guilty for their other life choices, why should we on this one. The only thing I like to do is make sure they understand their choice. That ability to be vulnerable on that level with another person is where we can find our center of power and confidence.

Remember, whatever seeds you choose to plant in your own mind will determine where you go from here. Plant positive seeds and they will take you where you want to go.

:) CBK