This is easily the scariest thing I've ever done in my life. Constantly weighing the best (more like mediocre) and worst (especially worst) case scenarios; the right words, the right place/time/tone/everything. The list is infinite. So I practiced my disclosure and finally picked a day. This is the date the game changes, that the last skeleton is let out of the closet to breathe. I truly felt confident that this person understands and adores me enough to make it over the hurdle —yet there are always those insecure voices that just will not leave your head ... damn them. The day comes and one of the worst things I imagine happens: completely unknowing, he makes a joke about herpes right in front of me and friends. My heart sank straight through to the opposite side of the earth and I completely shut down. I try to regroup and realize that even though I feel back to terrified square one, now more than ever this thing that has been crushing me for weeks must come out of my mouth today.

I know what and how I intended/imagined I'd say did not happen exactly that way, but that had absolutely no bearing on him responding like the genuinely caring, sincere, adoring person he is. Like I had been trying to engrain into my own brain, his reaction was essentially 'that is so not a big deal in comparison to everything else, so what do we need to do to work around this?' and completely brought me back to my senses with 'honestly, if you'd told me you'd killed someone, I would've asked if you needed shovels.' Many more details, stories and other types of disclosures then rolled out so simply and naturally after that, the conversation ended with us confessing our love to each other for the first time. This is so far beyond best case scenario. I may be getting ahead of the game, but I feel so confident now that I'm imagining this as the first and last time I'll have to disclose to a partner — whole new level of amazing.

I would be remiss if I didn't pause in this gooey, gushy love-fest and sincerely, intensely thank everyone I've encountered through this H support system, especially Professor H. This journey could have looked completely different for me had I not had the opportunity to absorb and build upon the strength you've worked so long and hard to build yet share so freely. Thank you.