We met over the phone last night for (h) group. I, for one, was humbled and inspired by all of you who showed up and how you showed up. How you all shared with one another and gave feedback felt so loving and supportive. Felt like we were all swimming in it! 

Here were some memorable topics that we touched on ...

Can I just stay in acceptance, please?
We all share a process of healing. That process we all go through toward acceptance can jump around a bit, stages can be revisited and skipped, and they don't always happen in order. A main theme that ran through last night's shares was the fear of disclosure. We might find ourselves in full acceptance mode — "Hey, I am okay with herpes." We feel perfectly good about ourselves and our relationship to having herpes — then, all of the sudden something happens (a disclosure rejection, a Valtrex commercial) that will plop you right back into the anger stage.

Just because we make it to acceptance doesn't necessarily mean we're done with processing what we need to process. And the more compassion we can have for ourselves when we do find ourselves revisiting past stages of the healing process, the more we can continue to heal. Naturally. 

Choice and empowerment
Someone on the line shared their experience with acquiring herpes when choice wasn't an option. This person's share simultaneously broke my heart, had me hating evil people and inspired the shit out of me. Many people who get herpes get it after exercising their choice to have sex. It's easier to see that you aren't the victim of herpes when sex is a choice. 

But when herpes is acquired through rape, when you don't have choice, it seems it would be harder to let go of the anger, the victimization. It's sad to consider that people could be so disconnected from their hearts, so pitiful to do such things to other human beings. And this person's share had me realizing something so profound … This person has so much compassion. This person discloses to potential partners. This person has so much integrity and love at the core of their being. This person could easily have reacted in revenge mode, not disclosing to any partners, giving out exactly what was given … but this person didn't. That is exercising positive choice: the choice to maintain personal integrity and compassion. This person turned the tides. The strength of character is undeniable here. This person insists on loving instead of lashing out. I want to say a sincere thank you to this person for being such a beautiful role model. You inspire me. 

The healing power of connection & community
After each person shared their experience of living with herpes, multiple people jumped in to give feedback and reflection to that person. It was beautiful to witness so much support and love. There was laughter, deep feeling and everything in between.

I felt that, even through painful shares (maybe especially through the painful ones), there was so much connection, so much loving attention from all the group members. All directed toward this one person. It was a connection through shared experience. Even though all the facts of our stories are different, our feelings are the same. We have all felt pain. We have all felt lonely. We have all felt like we aren't enough. That's where the opportunity for connection is blown wide open. There was so much of that last night.

After many of the shares and feedback, I sat back in awe of these people. Brene Brown was right. When shame isn't held in anymore, it releases its power. Vulnerability does equal connection. I felt it. I know everyone on the call felt it, too.

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