I guess I'm a veteran

Hello everyone!

I'm glad I found the website! I'm probably what you would classify as a veteran. I had my first (genital) outbreak a little over 15 years ago, and I still have issues dealing with it. I'm hoping that joining this forum will help me get over them.

I'll start with the admission that HSV was not my first STD. HPV was. Scared me into regular STD testing and I thought I was good to go.

My husband has HSV1. I didn't know this until about 6 months into our relationship, when I noticed he was getting cold sores. He admitted he had problems with them since he was a child. A few months later I knew something wasn't right with me- I was doubled over in pain and the lymph nodes in my groin were so swollen. I visit to the doctor confirmed my suspicions of herpes. I was shocked when they said that regardless of his having HSV1 I could have had herpes all along. (Because as many of you know, they don't test for that)

So, here I am. I have no idea if I have HSV1 or 2. I have so many questions about it. Although I've had the virus for so long, I haven't ever discussed it with anyone other than telling my mom after I was diagnosed- and she told my entire family-so that they could clean their toilet seats after I visited ya know?

I've been reading your posts for weeks and finally got the courage to join. It's such a relief to read your stories. Even though you know there are others out there that have it, it's still nice to have a confirmation that you're not alone.

@MMissouri

Hello and Welcome!

Sorry you still struggle around Herpes. I'm a 35 yr veteran (50 yr if you include Oral Herpes) and for me, it's just a nuisance (got an oral OB going on right now ... :p )

I would guess you have HSV1 but it wouldn't hurt to get a blood test so you know for sure. It helps when it comes time for disclosure to know because you never know it the other person is also hiding this "big dark secret" .... and given that 80% of people have oral herpes, odds are that you will date people who have that and if you have H1 it takes some of the pressure off of you around protecting them (they can still get it genitally but normal precautions should be good most of the time)

And tell your mother that if shes THAT paranoid she likely has Herpes herself because with 15-20% of the population having id, her can has likely been on MANY seats that have been sat on by people with Herpes ;p

(((HUGS)))

One of my struggles is the lack of reliable information out there. I've always been a researcher but one site says one thing and another says another. So confusing!

Another issue I have is revealing it to doctors. I've avoided going since I've had my girls. 13 years now, I just can't bring myself to go. I recently started working in the medical field (MLT), so any testing I have is going through the hands of a coworker/fellow classmate. I know these are issues I need to get over.

You are too funny! My mom had a cold sore on her mouth today! I didn't say a word, however, when she drank out of my coffee- so many poor jokes came to mind lol.

It's just the stigma associated with the "genital" part of it all. I don't know how many people I know that have HSV1 (although they just say cold sores) and yet they look down on HSV2 people.

I hope your outbreak goes away quickly! Thanks for the warm welcome :)

Well, you know what? Maybe you can use your Medical field training as a place to help others to get educated. We need advocates in the medical field who can make sure that the first people that a patient sees after diagnosis are properly informed and trained and compassionate.

As for getting good info, the following are the most reliable 9besides us!)

Medhelp

Westover Heights

The CDC

Anything with Dr Peter Leone, Nurse Terri Warren, or the Medhelp Dr's

Most University info

What specifically are you looking to get cleared up?

And if I was you, I would "educate" your mother ... nicely of course. But if she has grandkids or young children in her life, she needs to at least know that sharing a cup with an OB is really not a good idea ... especially for the kids. 60% of young kids have H1 orally by the time they are young adults, often caught from a doting adult.... and you may want to let it slip that it's a "potential" STD if you have oral sex ;)

(((HUGS)))

I agree with the need to educate doctors and medical professionals. Even in the lab there are judgments passed and jokes made. It is sad that the people working in the health field behave this way.

How do I educate them?

For this job, I've studied STD's. Viruses, bacterial infections, parasites.. It was mentioned, joked about, and glazed over. It still is a "dirty" subject.

I've tried talking to my mom. She's an odd one (sigh.. lol) My girls all know about HSV1. They know their dad has it, and not to drink after him when he gets cold sores. My oldest made a joke the other day that I should get tested because if he has it, I might also. I've decided to pull her aside and tell her the truth. Does that fall into TMI?

(((Hugs back at ya)))

How to educate the Doctors where you are at? A lot depends on just how far you are willing to go to make a point.

I am 100% out .. and I just got the OK to meet with all the medical staff at the OBGYN group that is in the same building as me. Most know that I am an Advocate and noone has made any remarks or whatever (this group is actually a REALLY good group when it comes to their attitudes). They are going to be my guinea pigs for a talk that I hope to take into as many Doctor's offices as I can where I will be addressing how they can best support the newly diagnosed. Given they don't have time to counsel someone I'm going to give them resources to give to the patient, and Adrial's handouts. I'll be emphasizing that THEIR initial reaction is sooooo important ... that being too "apologetic" ("Oh dear! Well I really hate to tell you this but you have Herpes... Poor thing!") can make the person feel that their life really IS over ... but conversely, being too brusque can be just as devastating. ("Well, you have Herpes. No big deal. Here's a script for Valtrex". I'm hoping to make them aware that it's soooo important to get the person into some kind of support system ASAP, and to get them good, solid info (and warn them about Google!). We'll see how it goes :)

As for your group, they are likely more ignorant and will need more educating .. ESPECIALLY about professionalism. I might see if you could meet with them as a group (do they have staff meetings?) and point out that:

1) (Optional. This is totally YOUR call, but it could be VERY powerful) ... you have Herpes and you would like to educate them because you have noticed a lot of things that made you realize that their understanding of the virus may be lacking.

2) That odds are MOST of them likely have one strain or the other ... and MOST of them likely didn't know it. So many of the jokesters could be unwitting carriers.

3) That even if they *only* have HSV1 orally, it's a *potential* STD if they like oral sex. That 50% of new cases of genital H are caught this way.

4) that most of them likely have never been tested.

5) That H doesn't care if they are a Lab Tech, a Doctor, or the cleaning lady ... it's just as prevalent in one group as any other. That having H doesn't mean you sleep around. That many people get it in committed relationships from an unwitting carrier. That even more are passing it on unwittingly because most don't know they have it.

6) That H jokes may seem funny but to someone who is living with it... especially a recently diagnosed person, it can be devastating.

You would be amazed at how empowering it can be to just make a stand, state your truth, and create the intention to create a better world for those who cannot make a stand for themselves. ;)

As for your child... how old is she? I told both my girls when they were becoming sexually active. It was a good excuse to have "the talk". So if your daughter is old enough for sex, she's old enough IMO to understand that STD's are a REAL issue and that even if she's careful, something *may* happen, and while it's not the end of the world, you hope she can avoid getting anything by being smart around her sexual health.

Well said Dancer and kudos for meeting with the medical staff and educating the staff as well as general public. You go girl!!!