Words of wisdom from somebody who was recently diagnosed with HSV-1 oral (and probably genital too)

When I was first told I have oral herpes and that I may have genital too my inital reaction was something along the lines of this.....

When I first got told I had HSV-1, I panicked. I thought that nobody would love me or care for me again. I bought into the stigma that is the media realizing that I was doing the exact thing that I was preaching against before herpes, buying into the media. If you think of it, the media and TV is mainly 5 to 6 companies that own everything! (or if your Canadian like me 2 to 3 companies). I realized that i've been through way worse in my life and I am still here. Through Pre-School to Grade 9 I was picked on almost every day because of a jaw disfigurement that I had as a kid which caused me to drool. Everyday they would call me "Drool boy" or "drool kid" and many other things. as the years progressed, things only got worse for me in public school. I had trouble admitting this before because I felt people would treat me like i'm stupid for this or look at me in a different way but now i'm more than happy to admit it *deep breath*, I have Aspergers syndrome which is a functioning form of Autism. I hated myself for it when I was younger because I was socially awkward and I made it worse by trying to fit in. By Grade 7 I was put in a different school with a principal that didn't give two shits about bullying and usually punished the victim and favored the bully. I was super depressed to the point that I was ready to kill someone or kill myself. But I didn't and with the help of a mentor, who helped me with my social skills. I started to gain some of my confidence back. It was hard cause every day I was beaten and made fun of. Then in Grade 8 I went back to my original school where things were better, but I was pretty antisocial. The bullying got to me. but I gritted my teeth through it and graduated public school with the few friends I had standing next to me. I've been through a lot as a child. I was physically, emotionally, and even sexually abused once. I didn't really see my father because he rode off on a bike when I was little (like real young 3-4) and I didn't see him that often because he was "too busy with work". come to think of it, I originally got cold sores from him while he was with strippers. but then something changed by Grade 10, I suddenly realized that I was not being myself in the process of "Fitting in" and in the end I was dressing like the preppy kids too. So I stopped caring and did what I liked and wanted to do. I started going to comedy groups and we did skits together that made people laugh. and even though some kids didn't like me for being different, I didn't care. And I kept to what I wanted to do, AND IT WORKED! more people liked me than ever and I made some seriously solid friends that are still good friends to this day. and this year alone so much happened. I lost my virginity to a girl I was in a relationship with until she left me cause I wasn't going to change my entire life (she wanted me to choose her over my friends, quit partying "Sidenote I only partied once a month when I was with her and she REFUSED to hang with my friends always", and smoking weed which personally with all the SHIT i've gone through is a real good stress relief). I was depressed so I drank and had a one night stand and now I got these cold sores on my face, and if the test results are positive I may have gotten genital herpes too. and the cherry on top of all of this is the home I lived in with my Mom BURNED DOWN TO THE FUCKING GROUND! and I lost everything I had collected over the years including the scrapbooks with memories, and my prized gaming collection (I'm a HUGE gamer so I had collected many of consoles and games over the years. Including two different gold Zelda cartridges for the original NES which were worth over 100$ but it was priceless to me as a family hand me down). the only thing that survived the fire were my three guitars which I cherish. My point to this is, I've been through all this and I'm still standing with my middle finger still stuck up at those who judge me. So what the fuck is herpes really? a harmless skin condition that well yes, it's lifelong. but if I look back at all the stuff that I've lived through I think to myself. "at least it isn't going to disable me" and "I could have gotten way worse so this was just another life lesson to not screw around with people I randomly hook up with". As I said i've been beaten, tormented, physically, emotionally and sexually abused and I'm still standing here with my pride! So I ask again what is herpes really. A skin condition that rears it ugly head once every few months and lasts for a couple of weeks at the beginning. I'm a survivor. And even though I needed therapy as crutches to use until I was able to walk again. Herpes won't define me as it hasn't defined all you lovely and beautiful people. If anything I love it because before I was judgmental about things like this. and it taught me not to judge. Cause you people are some of the sweetest and most kind people out there. As a matter of fact, writing this whole thing has taken a lot of stress away from the thought as I look back and reflect on all the obstacles I've climbed over. On the first day or so I thought "My dick is going to fall off" and "Nobody will want to hang with me with a fucking cold-sore! until I saw others with them. People can make jokes about Herpes around me and I don't get super offended. mainly cause I love offensive humor and I crack jokes about almost everything (I.E. celebrities die and I've cracked a joke about them. Like Amy Winehouse overdosing when I said "Welp, she said she wasn't going to rehab") so what makes this so special and so sensitive to joke about too, that's just falling into the stigma.

Now looking at this outbreak on my face (there is more than one sore), I realized that this is no worse than it was when I got it back in public school. The only difference is (And thank god) I'm 19 now and people don't judge like we did back then. I mean my buddy from public school patted me on the shoulder and said exactly that "Just like Grade 5 eh?" meaning that some people have seen me with a cold sore before. just not since public school. So I don't think people are going to judge me for that way too much.

Chris Hadfield said it best: "The next time you walk into a spider web, you don't need to panic and go into with your caveman reaction. The danger is entirely different from the fear"

if I could underline any part of that is "The danger is entirely different from the fear" because that is exactly the same as herpes. The danger is minimal, you get an irritation. The true killer is the fear you get which can lead to suicide in some if they let it get to them too much.

As someone who is suffering from way more than one mental illness (Depression, ADHD, Aspergers, Severe Anger, and mood swings which I am taking pills for that control it, though I may go for my green card), herpes is truly nothing compared to everything else.

The link is to Chris Hadfields speech from TED Talks. Truly inspirational about facing your fears.

Hugs all around to all of you. And having you people here for support has really eased me about this quicker than It would have before the internet. cause I realize i'm not alone. Far from it actually!

"The danger is entirely different from the fear"

LOVE THIS! So true!

I tell people "Don't believe everything you think". Same idea :)

Thank you for opening up about everything you have been through.... it's easy to forget that *most* of us have had some pretty shitty things happen to us in our lives that are FAR worse than Herpes. You sound like a truly amazing person and you should be proud of how well you have come through all of your trials.

So glad to have you with us on here :)

((HUGS)))

Just to add one last thing, The stigma comes from the media. The media wants you to buy from big pharma. And if we go by the media's standards:

1. You look horrible in these clothes, here buy some expensive stuff from Abercrombie & Fitch

2. You look horrible without makeup, here buy some of these expesive shades of lipstick and acne cream to look beautiful

3. You are a loser for being different, listen to what we have to say to be accepted by society

4. Televangelist tells you that they can clear you of your sins and can perform the miracles of god. So send 10$ to the church of the sacred bleeding heart of Jesus, located somewhere in Los Angeles, California (Rolling Stone reference anyone) and have you seen the vehicles and homes some of these ministers on TV own? I'm talking Porsche and Mercedes! Not really that honest about where your money is going.........

5. You have herpes, and that makes you a horrible person. So buy our pills that cause you to have liver problems and all the other side affects that make you need to take even more pills! AND TEH MARIJUANAS IS BAD BAD BAAAAAAD! so we'll use our legal drug money to keep that illegal.

If you are living you life under the way the media wants you to, you will forever be a slave to these big corporations. I for one buy all my shirts from underground places in Toronto cause A) they're cheap and B) Why am I paying 100$ for a hoodie that is basically just an advertisement? They can pay me to wear those shirts before I pay them!

@WCSDancer2010 I was going to go back to the shell I was once in before but then I realized, That would just be Pre-k to grade 9 all over again. And I sure as shit don't want that again!

Plus as I reflected on everything else, I realized that I had these exact same thoughts when I was told I had aspergers.

Why am I paying 100$ for a hoodie that is basically just an advertisement? They can pay me to wear those shirts before I pay them!

I say that all the time :)

And glad you didn't go back into your shell.... :)

Also, If that is the only thing on your mind all the time I have some advice, get into a hobby. or more than one hobby. I find that with my mental illnesses, hobbies are a great way to relieve stress. I personally use gaming as my way to get away from it all, and anime. I go to conventions and they're cool.

I play Warcraft and when im stressing I do PVP.