New Here, My Story.

So, My story might be a little different from others, I didn't get herpes from another person, but myself. I remember this fondly, this was the beginning of the year of 2014, and I remember prom season was up. Now I'll confess I've have cold sores since probably 2nd or 3rd grade, I probably got from a kid from school or something , either way I remember ALWAYS having a cold sore on my lip, big huge ones and I'd have to go to school with that, and HS - MS, well that's a whole other sad story not mean't for this forum. I dipped and dabbled into the weed scene and I'll confess I smoke it regularly. So one night I'm smoking, I get turned on and I decided to masterbate. And god I didn't know I was getting a cold sore into the next day I saw it! I did thought I felt the "tingles" that day but there was never a head, and it went away , at least I thought that. Btw I'm a Virgin to. So I literally google this and went on yahoo answers like a idiot to see if you could really give yourself herpes down there. And most of them said no there's noooo way, nope it's fine, that hardly happens. So next month rolls around and I get Sick, like terribly sick, back hurting, neck hurting. Then, I saw bumps... I googled herpes pictures and it matched. I didn't wanna believe it. I got sicker and sicker. To the point where I had to go to the doctor, everything was hurting, especially down there, and god what happens next is just so traumatic to me that texting this is tearing me up alittle. But anyways, I went to a hospital and got checked out.. The doctors was nice and all but i had to get this pep smear and the thing was big so it hurt a lot, and well after that I asked him does it look like anything and he said it was a yeast infection. I'm was so happy for it be that, I thought ok let me take this medicine and I'll be fine. The stuff he gave me was kinda like a tampon kinda thing where I had to stick it up my vagina and out the medicine in there. Mind you I'm a virgin so it's just painful and I get it and I'm crying and just hoping for it to get better, so then the next day it's worse. The first time I went to the doctor I told my mom it was a yeast infection because that's what I thought. So when this time it was hurting I told her and she says just take the medicine and you'll be fine so I try to take another and it was so painful I couldn't even, it was just so bad down there I can't even explain , those memories always haunt me. So before this I told me sister in tears my masterbation story and how I thought it was herpes and stuff. But after this I knew it was something wrong. So I went back and this time it was a different doctor. This time female and ironically enough the male doctor was much nicer then she was, I wish I had him on this day. Well she took a peek at my vag and took a swab, meanwhile me and my sister wait, but my sister left for a small moment to go back home and I kinda had like a panic attack in the room like crying breathing hard, my nose even started to bleed. And nurse came in and kinda just told me to lay down and gave my tissues for my noise. My sister came back before the test came back. When they did i wanted her out the room . It showed up I have herpes. HV-1 , genital. For life, by myself. Virgin. I cried right there. She's gave me some papers and sent me on my way . Kinda like , here what you have, good day. Or atleast that's how I felt. My sister came in and saw me crying and she was still confused ... And i told her I have herpes and we had like a crying session. So only she knows , and well now my best friend . But I'm still pretty much alone with this. I'm 18 and graduated with no knowledge on how to drive a car,because of that I haven't been to the hospital since and when I get outbreaks it's comes in like a rash. Like how babies have rashes ... And while my self esteem sucks somewhere in my brain I KNOW I'm a beautiful girl, I get told it a lot, but with my HS past of bullying and then herpes it's just SO hard to stay sane. I do feel like a statistic I will say, and I know I shouldn't but when I hear "1 out of 5 women " I just wish I wasn't in that. And I'm sorry if this comes out very vulgar and stuff but I know down there I'm good looking :/ and I wish I could the choice to if I what to have sex with someone that I can then and now. Like if I talking to a guy and he says very flirty stuff along the lines of sexual, I really can't help to think about telling him this story. And deep down I know I guy would accept me ... But I don't know I get down about it a lot cause I am a virgin with herpes.

Hello and welcome to the forum!

So first things first, your love life (tho has yet to begin,) is far from over.

And in time when you think you are ready to be in a sexual relationship, there are ALOT Of helpful succes stories on herr as well as some of @Adrail's videos to help with disclosing.

Just because something is different about you, doesnt mean you arent desired.

i used to think no one would ever want me, i almost paid to get onto a herpes dating site...and then, i met him. A wonderful outstanding man that not only accepted me, but accepted me with herpes too.

Now down to the nitty gritty of it all....

have you ever recieved oral sex? I ask because there have been quite a few people.. alot actually.. that end up getting hsv1 gennitally due to oral sex.

50% of new cases of herpes is caused by the hsv1 (coldsores) via oral sex..

Things will be ok. And thats a promise.

I've never had oral sex , the most I've done is kissed someone , so I'm sure i got from my self

@Kayamii

Hello friend ....

Well, you certainly got H in a very rare way ... most of the time once you have HSV1 orally you have enough antibodies to protect you from getting it elsewhere from someone else through skin-on-skin oral or genital sex, never mind managing to pass it to yourself through masturbation ... however, the world is NOT coming to an end and you WILL be ok.

I got HSV2 from my first sexual experience at age 17 (I also have H1 orally from childhood... go me!!! ) ... and we have a few virgins on there with H though the others got it from Oral sex. Anyway, I've had it 35 years and I can tell you that it's been mostly a blip on the timeline of my life... yeah, I've had a few failed disclosures, but I have learned that those failures were actually a blessing... those men were not what *I* am looking for in a life partner.

Right now, one of the best things you can do is read as much as you can on here ... especially the Success Stories... so you can get to your core that you CAN find love with H ... even with an H- partner ;)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/categories/herpes-talk-success-stories

The "good" news is that up to 80% of the population has HSV1 ... so there's a very good chance that anyone you date will at least already have oral HSV1 (whether they know it or not)... and while they *could* also get it genitally from you, you do need to know that your situation is an extreme rarity and if you are very careful (and you can take anti-virals if it helps you feel better about the risk) you should be fine :)

Stay around here... read all you can ... ask questions ... vent when you need to ... we are here for you friend :)

(((HUGS)))

Thank you :) I've been dealing with it alone for the most part, and at one point I did put it out my mind and thought it wasn't real that I had this, until a outbreak came, and that sucked. I don't think anyone I trusted enough to tell would ever judge me I just feel like when the day comes when someone does I don't know how ill deal with it.