Successful Disclosure (male to female)

Been hanging out with a new girl for a couple of weeks.

We really like each other and it has been pretty difficult to avoid sex. Told her on saturday. Asked her if she'd been tested, she said yes, and was clean. She asked me back, I told her I had been tested, and while I didn't get cold sores on my mouth, I got them below the belt. She said, okay lets use condoms and didn't bat an eye. That was it. I told her the stats on the risk, just to let her know that there was a risk of her getting it, although low.

We might have had great sex like 10 times since the disclosure. The disclosure was a hell of a lot easier than worrying about it for 2 weeks. After having sex a few times, she asked how it was transmitted. I told her that it was skin-to-skin contact and could be transmitted in the absence of an outbreak, although it was much more likely to be transmitted the same way a mouth cold sore was transmitted if an outbreak was present, and gave her the stats again and showed her a website that confirmed the numbers I gave her. (showing w/o protection, w/ antivirals, and w/ condoms and both)

Disclosure seems so hard. I was all worked up about it because I really like her. But I haven't had any unsuccessful disclosures yet; no one really seems to care....and it really is pretty common. She told me about a few friends that had it after we did the deed.

Wonderful it worked out for u!!!!

Enjoy the deed. Lol

YAY for YOU!!! As you say, the anticipation of disclosure is often harder than the actual fact .... yes, it *may* not work out but you don't know till you try.

Congratulations!

Thanks.

I should add that I didn't freak out, act nervous, upset or sorry for myself. She had no emotional reaction - I could have told her it was raining outside and gotten the same level of emotional response. All I said to the effect of self pity, was I wish I didn't have it, but I do, and physically it hasn't been a big deal in my life. I feel like the same person because I am the same person.

Pleased for you :) x

Awesome budz!!!! So happy to hear a male's disclosure!

Wooot woot!!

Thanks for sharing dude. I'm totally inspired now :D Congrats!

this is one of my greatest fears(disclosure) i have lost every drop of confidence in myself and cant seem to get it back... i been living with H for 20 years and still cannot cope. everytime i seem to get closer to a woman i break it off with her because of fear. would be nice to shoot me some pointers on how to conquer this fear..

xrcb - good job man, I'm really happy for you. I've disclosed quite a few times and quality, rational people do NOT freak out.

bigmoreno1 - I just replied to a similar post with someone who is having confidence / fear of rejection issues as well. Hopefully you can get something from it:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/comment/17825#Comment_17825

@bigmoreno1

These are 3 blogs I've written on disclosure ... I hope they will help you.

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

We have a great event coming up - the Herpes Opportunity Weekend - that I think would benefit you immensely... I'm going to be on staff.... it's going to be an AMAZING weekend. If you can make it, it will change your life ;)

http://herpesopportunity.com/

(((HUGS)))

DAMN!

Just what I was looking for!

I COMPLETELY agree with the outcome of this disclosure, it's really not a big a deal as we think others might believe.

The truth is, since we are usually quiet, and keep this within inner circles, we rarely ever get to see it in the proving grounds.

Thanks so much for sharing bro.

I don't see many male to female disclosures. This is gold!

bigmoreno - you just have to tell her. I know how it feels, but it's seriously all in your head. If you are going to just break up with her anyway, why not tell her?

Think about it this way, if you had a cold sore on your mouth once when you were 5 yrs old, would you freak out about telling her? I made the analogy that it's the same thing when disclosing. Not carried in blood, semen or anything else. It's considered an STD because of the inconvenient place it shows up. We're not even using condoms anymore. She just said she trusts me to stay on top of my valtrex usage, listen my body, and that she's willing to take the risk. (but also, I have a major problem breaking condoms, it happens almost every time, and it's not because i put them on incorrectly). Just act like it's not that big of a deal. This girl is std-free (showed me a sheet from her doc including hsv blood tests for both 1 and 2), and has been having sex with me raw and giving me blowjobs. We had sex 4 times yesterday, if she likes you, it's not going to change her mind and she's prob not gonna care. If you think her interest level is high, and you like her too, just tell her!! Breaking it off with a woman who likes you, because you have herpes is really unfair to yourself.

Kilo - no problem man. That's why I put this up there, the vast majority of disclosures I read online were from women. Wasn't even two weeks when I told her, but she was literally trying to rip my clothes off whenever I saw her, so I couldn't delay it any longer..lol.

Thanks for the pats on the back everyone.

It's not as hard as you think; It only takes a sentence or two. I seriously have been having more sex with her on a daily basis than I ever had with a GF pre-herpes.