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A nice but rather dull fellow - 27 Years +


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Been asked to write a few words about my experience with her peas...er Herpes.

 

In 1987 I was a 20 year old Marine stationed overseas. Like many young Marines I liked to drink...beer...lots of it. They don't call alcohol liquid courage for nothing. It tends to make you feel invincible and make bad decisions. Add to that many, many young ladies throwing themselves your way, disaster lies just around the corner. as Dr. Sheldon Cooper would say...bazinga!

 

After 3 different swabs came back negative a doctor finally told me it is definitely herpes. He said 30% of herpes cases will not test positive. The navy clinic would never order up a blood test, so to this day I have never had one to test for herpes. My next doctor appointment is set for October so I am going to ask her to order one for me then. I got a prescription for Acyclovir and it cleared the outbreaks up in very short order.

 

As time passed I just didn't talk about it. Nobody would understand. A few days before I got out of the Marines I got a 90 day supply of Acyclovir. Got my discharge and drove halfway across these United States to get home. A couple days after getting home I got careless and left the Acyclovir bottle sitting on top of the dresser. After 4 years away from home I forgot how nosey mom could be. She saw the bottle and just had to read the label. Great. The very last person on planet Earth I wanted to know about this. Being a nurse she knew just where to go to look up Acyclovir. Do you know what those pills are used to treat she asked. I thought, goddammit, I don't want to talk about it. She told me what it was for like I didn't have a clue. I remained fairly unresponsive about it, and that was the last time the subject was ever brought up between us.

 

I did my damndest to avoid relationships. Never asked anyone out. Hung out with the guys and did shit guys do that didn't involve the women folk. At the workplace I never flirted with the ladies. I kept a respectful distance. Never ran stupid pick up lines by them. Tried to always present my self as a nice but rather dull fellow. Then, one fateful day, the sister of one of the ladies at work came into the store. My sister really wants to go out with you she said. Dammit, why me. What the hell did I do to make an impression on her. Anyway April(not her real name, just her birth month) wasn't there that day. It would be a couple more days before she came to work. When she got back she apologized for her sister. April didn't know her sister was going to try and play matchmaker before she came to talk to me. A few days after that we ended up in the break room at the same time. Remembering she had been out sick for the better part of the previous week I asked if she was doing ok, She admitted that she really hadn't been sick sick, she just didn't want anybody to see her. Why not I asked. She told me she had had a big huge cold sore on her lip and it embarresed her to be seen with one. Hmmm. I know what cold sores are.

 

Well, the short of it is, we did eventually go out. I did disclose. We always used condoms. After a year or so the relationship played itself out. I went back to my old ways. A nice but rather dull fellow.

 

1996. I had begun to notice .com every where I looked. What pray tell is .com? The World Wide Web I was told. What pray tell is the World Wide Web? Computers. Hey, my fuddy duddy Dad has one of those. Dad, show me the World Wide Web. Wow, this is pretty cool. Guess I better get a computer. Got a Packard Bell. Windows 95. Still remember the ooohs and ahhs I got when I told folks it had a 1 gigabyte hard drive. That was a monster hard drive in 1996.(As I sit here writing this I have an HP with a 500GB hard drive with a 3TB external plugged in.) My next stop was America On-Line. Ahh, the days of dial up. Am I really that old? Anyhoo, I soon discovered chat rooms. As I remember you used to be able to scroll down a list of chat rooms. Click on the room name and there you are. Lo and behold, one day I come across a chat room named Herpes. Click. I found myself warmly welcomed by those already in the room. Wow. Spent that first time mostly sitting back and observing.

 

I soon after created a new screen name. Ihaveittoo. Yep, I resurrected it for this forum. I made many friends there. I opened up for the first time about herpes. I realized that I am not alone. I found out about a local herpes support group thru that chat room. I went to my first meeting in June 1996. Talking to others face to face was a revalation. every one was so normal. I met a -/+ couple. I would never have Imagined that possible before. I began to feel confidence in myself again.

 

Later that year I met my wife in an AOL Herpes chatroom. We discovered we lived in the same state. 250 miles apart, but the same state. We started talking on the phone. We continued chatting online. The next logical step was meeting in person. So, of all days of the year to meet in person for the first time, Valentines Day 1997 was it. So, I made the 250 mile drive to a city by a river that has this arch thingy. This city also has a baseball team that I despise because they became a bunch of whiney little cry babies over an umpires bad call in the 1985 world series. If they had manned up my team might not have kicked their asses so bad in game 7. Anyway, by the end of 1997 we got married. We had 2 lovely little girls. Herpes had no impact on either pregnancy. Now, almost 17 years later, we are still married. Ready to strangle one another from time to time, but as I understand it most married couples, with or without herpes feel like that sometimes.

 

So, if you are newly diagnosed, what can we learn from my mistakes? Well, by coming to this site you are already avoiding my biggest mistake. I remained silent. I did not talk about it at all. Do not be afraid to participate in this forum. If you have questions, ask. If you need to rant, rant. Rave and drool to your hearts content. Find a local support group. Confide in someone you can trust. Deal with it. I spent the better part of 10 years not dealing. Even with April, once I disclosed that was it. Nothing more was said.

 

A herpes diagnoses is pretty overwhelming. You will eventually realize that it is not that big of deal in the grand scheme of things. It will take some time. Nothing anyone like me can say will change that. Just know that you need to take control of the virus. The best way to do that is educate yourself about the virus. Explore this site. Print out the handouts and read them once, twice, three times if you need to.

 

Damn, I'm worse then a preacher tonight, Been long winded tonight. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

  • Thanks 1
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This is beautiful. Thank you @ihaveittoo ... I think it's sooo important for the newly diagnosed to see that we "old farts" who have had this forever live totally normal lives once we stop allowing the stigma of herpes to run our lives. I'm grinning from ear to ear here.

 

And thanks for the laugh about the Dubya Dubya Dubya .... I remember those days all too well .. I had an IMac that was the all-in-one in Cool Blue. Waiting for ages while it "booted up". Cursing at it when it took forever to load. Telling the kids to get off the phone so you could use the computer. LOL. Those were the days! We are OLD!!!!!!!! Ha!

 

(((HUGS)))

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First let me just say thank you for your wonderful story. You and your lovely wife are very blessed to have each other. 17 years is a great accomplishment nowadays!! Secondly, I love the fact that you used the phrase "pray tell"-lets me know you are not dull at all as you seem to be a very well read gentleman. Third, thank you for your service sir. My father was a Marine and served in Vietnam.

 

Have you considered a career in writing? Your writing is very good. I thought all your little quips and quirks were very funny and entertaining :).

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@lotussmoke and @jasonswife,

 

Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad this story was a help to you in some way. Never really considered a career in writing, not sure I have enough patients for it. Its always been rather hard for me. I will write when inspiration strikes though. Yeah, for me writing is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration. ;-)

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

Thanks again everyone for your kind words. Glad to know my story can be of some help to you good people.

 

As I said above, I never had a positive test result back in the day. All swabs came back negative and the US Navy doctors never saw fit to run a blood test. I accepted things as they were. Finding this site and getting back up to date on my herpes knowledge inspired me to finally solve the mystery. Which type of herpes do I have?

 

This past Wednesday morning was my check up with the doctor. I explained my history with herpes and why I wanted to finally find out. Thankfully, for an internest, she seemed very knowledgeable. She ordered an IGG. This morning her nurse called with the results. Negative for Type 1, positive for Type 2. More or less what I expected. I've never had an oral outbreak. Until a few years ago the genital outbreaks were very active. Fits type 2 profile.

 

Thats it for now. You folks in the USA have a great Columbus Day weekend. Our Canadian friends celebrate Thanksgiving on Monday, so to you I say Happy Thanksgiving eh.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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