3 weeks in and still truckin'

This is prob going to be long, but i hope this helps others who think now how i thought then.

First... quick background

I was dating a guy, an hour out of town, went on for maybe 4 months... He was much older than me, but not wiser, lead me on only to ignor my existance for almost 3 months. Hurt and lonely as all hell i agreed to go to my neighbor's place dec23-2013 for some drinks. Stupid one night stand. Guilt and disgust overcame me on my shamefull walk home. Not even realizing that i paid into wayyy more than i barganned for, 2 days later noticed tiny itty bitty bump, i honestly thought it was hpv (warts) cuz i first got hpv in 2007..fast foward.. jan3-2014 test results possitive hsv2.

Devistated. Ashamed. Slut. No one could possibly like me now.. or love me. Why did my ex n i brake up? F***!....

Alcohol? Empty stomach?... i downed a 26 of vodka that night in less than 40 mins. in hopes i wouldnt wake up sat morning.

i did.... and as soon as i stopped puking around 4pm that folowing sat... i drank again... and again...

is it april already? What is this (h) opportunity forum all about?...

Freedom hope and love!

Blood test in april said negative hsv1 and negative hsv 2. Hmm?

Started feeling human again thanks to everyone here!.

Throughout everyones help i learned that test (even though it was done 3and a half months after possible transmission) could be a false negative.

Oh well who cares if it is? I finally learned to love myself, and h helped me to "filter" out all the assholes in my life that i thought were my friends!

And then the unexpected happend....

i met a guy.. well, not just any guy, a sweet, understanding guy. Redneck just like myself!

We were making out on his couch one day after a fishing trip, he wanted to move to the bedroom...

at this point i believe he and i only knew eachother for 3 days...

"Uhm... babe.. i cant do this!"

"Why?"

"Well its just a little to soon.. ya know?"

"Thats fine i dont mind waiting!"

"And theres a big chance i might have herpes, im getting another blood test june 1st.. so i know.. and so you know. And as awkward as you might feel at this moment, imagine how awkward and devistated youd feel if i didnt tell you! I dont want to pass it to you, risks are low, but not low enough especially since we're still getting to know eachother, theres like a 4% chance of me passing it to u and..."... (i prob said all this a lil too fast, but in a "i dont really, and i hope you dont really care" manner)

"Oh...kinda wish u told me this before we wentto my bedroom"

.."and i totally understand if you dont want to do this anymore.."

He kissed me. Again!

Next thing i know were still talking and visiting eachother, we decided we liked eachother alot, made it official bf/gf june first.

i got the call from the doc a week later .. possitive blood test for hsv2.

I asked him if he was still ok with dating me and he replied with

" babe i already made my desicion a week ago, i mean it sucks, but we can work around right?"

and so now, here i sit, typing away on my phone to all of you to say thank you, thank you for your hope, for giving me hope. For helping me through a moment of insanity. Thank you..

and i hope for those in a wrestless mindset right now... i hope this helps you guys.

its not easy. But it becomes easier, i now ignor the stigma like how i ignor my ex friends.

xox

Good for you Willow! Glad you made it to the other side! Whooohoooo!!!!

Thanks Dancer! Dont know what i would have done if i hadnt found this forum, and met u!

Very happy for you Willow. You've managed to do in 6 months what took me 10 years.

To all you newly diagnosed who read this I cannot stress enough how lucky you are to have this site available. Back in 1987 when I was brand new to this, all the info that was available was in a pamphlet. No internet, no real effectve means to network with others. Please don't hesitate to comb this site for all the information you can glean from it. Don't hesitate to jump in on this forum. No question is so stupid it should not be asked. No fear or despair you may feel is totally unique to you, we have all been there at one time or another. Herpes is no more than a speed bump you hit at 70 mph when you should have been doing 25 mph. Sure its one hell of a jolt at first, but after you come a complete stop, catch your breath, and possibly need a change of underware, you get on with life. I would say Willow is a perfect example.

Yay Willow!! You're awesome!

Xo.

Thank you @ihaveittoo!

Its weird, i hate the internet, i dony have facebook, i only mad an email 8 months ago for my cell phone plan.... and if it werent for the internet... *shiver* i dont know where id be with this emotional roller coster.

Thanks again everyone, i dont know you guys, but u saved me..

I LOVE this @ihaveittoo

Herpes is no more than a speed bump you hit at 70 mph when you should have been doing 25 mph. Sure its one hell of a jolt at first, but after you come a complete stop, catch your breath, and possibly need a change of underware, you get on with life.

:)) :)) :))

It takes the speed bump analogy to a whole new level....thanks! I will quote you on this one!!!

*update*

Just thought id let everyone know my bf and i are still together. And herpes (as much as it is a part of my life) hasnt really ever been an issue between him and i.

Weve been dating for 5 months now.

im on supressive therapy. (No condoms as im allergic to latex)

Im also on birth control too.

with supressives ive had 2 very minor o.b.'s and sure it was frustrating not being able to have sex for a while during those times... but you kinda get over it. Cuz u know. In just a week or 2 your sexlife will be back on track.

I wanted to post an update because i noticed a lot of new commers on the forum, and saw their worries about a future with sex and herpes and relationships.

I think about h alot. But not negatively anymore. When i think about it, im more so thinking about my body, and if im keeping care of it enough. I think about the strangers i see throughout the day, and wonder if they have it too...

Seeing as next month will be our 6 month, im going to see if hes intrested in getting tested, basically just to calm myself... because i worry about transmitting it to him sometimes. So ill let u guys know whenever that happens..

Not every relationship is easy, and ya.. sometimes he and i get in little tiffs once and a while, but its never about herpes.

He's still the super sweet redneck guy i remember when we first met.

So anyone reading this who may still feel awkward and insecure.. just know..

once you have worked thru ur own issues (not h related) you will be able to find that special someone. Its not the end of ur dating life!

Thanks again to everyone who has helped me with my struggles!

Thank you for the positivity!!!! I am so happy for you and how far you have come! I hope to join you there one day!! :-) posts and stories like this give me hope and the motivation to keep going! Some days are certainly better than others, as we all know!!!

Happy for you!!! Thanks again for sharing!!

Thank you @willow for the update... I know that these posts help the newbies a lot ... especially if they can see that you were just as scared as they are when you first got here....

(((HUGS)))

happy but jealous. you let him know he is a lucky man and im here waiting for him to mess up. :)

honestly i hope he doesn't, you deserve happiness.

Thanks everyone!

And @seeker, todays my bday .. i said i wanted to go fishing... and he let me decide what lake i wanted to fish... haha usually the guy always decides..

ill keep him around a bit longer...

catch anything? im in florida so we get all these sea fishermen but i still prefer a nice lake. and willow you will like this, my boy has told me he wants to go muddin. told him its best in rainy season down here.

oh and happy birthday

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear willow, happy birthday to you. ( and many more)

Awww thanks!

And good parenting!;) haha

And no... bf had a cpl bites tho! But we were fishin in the dark thanks to the daylights saving... haha oh well..

Haha thanks! You guys all need to go buy a cheap reel and rod and head on out here!!

buy??? between my house, my parents and my uncles down the street from them there are probably 30 rods.