Tonight is MY night

Hey everyone,

Its been a long time since I've posted on here. I hope everyone is doing great. I recently signed up for a regular dating site to shake the rust off of dating. First few weeks were terrible, mainly because dating isn't that fun. Crazy how I thought I was missing out on this because of H. Well I met a girl and we talked for a few weeks now and are going on our 2nd date tonight. And I am going to tell her. No idea when but probably towards the end of the date. I'm as nervous as ever, but not because of herpes but because I don't want to lose her. We have both decided that we want sex to be the last expression of intimacy we have, and thus far we have been able to connect on so many levels its terrifying to me. How did I date all these years where it was sex and then intimacy??!! Seems so backwards now. So thank you Herpes for allowing me to connect with someone without having to have sex. Sure she may be scared, she might even have that be a deal breaker. But for better or worse I have started a relationship not based on sex and that feels amazing.

Love you all,

Nick

Hearing this touches me, brotha. I think we as men can by default bypass the intimacy part, somehow thinking the sex is where it's at. But ultimately we come to find (if we're lucky) that truly awesome, mind-blowing sex is actually the incredibly hot expression of (and vehicle for) intimacy. Beautiful to hear you so touched by this and to see that it's possible. Enjoy the talk tonight, bro. You got this.

Thanks Adrial, I just think back to 19 months ago when I was diagnosed and stumbled onto this site and how uneducated I was. Now I'm more positive then ever, and not just positive with Herpes. Yes, I made a joke. Keep on fighting the good fight everyone. I'll keep you posted good or bad with what she says. Either way I'm taking the next step to this truly being an (H)opportunity

Ok everyone, I disclosed last night. I knew I was going to have to all night and as I knew it was winding to a close I knew my time was running out and I didn't want to put it off for another time. She could tell I had something on my mind and so I just told her I had something on my mind that I wanted to discuss with her because I felt such a strong connection with her and that I felt safe to be vulnerable with her. I Highly suggest telling people this when you disclose. It was amazing how that instantly bridges the trust gap. And once I got it all out in a very not smooth manner she sat there holding my hand and realizing that she had an honest, responsible, and a guy who wants something more than just sex. She understood and even told me honesty is attractive. And she even said "You're being too hard on yourself" and shes right. But I did something last night that I was terrified about. And this morning I woke up happier than Ive felt in over 18 months. I met friends for brunch and they even said "Nick, why you so giddy? You get laid?"

Nope even better.

Love you all

Nick

PS she already wants another date. And that is absolutely happening

Well, I officially changed the label on this to a "success story." Congratulations. ;)

You just took the Opportunity by the horns and rode it all the way home! Good job on using that courage of yours for the sake of intimacy and honesty. That's a foundation for an awesome relationship. And by the way, that good feeling you describe is called "integrity." ;) And the more you act on your integrity, I have a hunch that that feeling will grow and grow. And by the way, that sense of integrity doesn't only grow when we are "accepted" in the disclosure talk. It's about following what's true for us, what we know to be right and good. Sometimes we will get what we want, sometimes we won't, but we are following our truth. And this goes way beyond herpes. It's life.

Big ol' celebration to you, bro. Soak it up. Enjoy the intimacy ride. You deserve it.

How did I date all these years where it was sex and then intimacy??!!

I KNOW, Right?????

so I just told her I had something on my mind that I wanted to discuss with her because I felt such a strong connection with her and that I felt safe to be vulnerable with her. I Highly suggest telling people this when you disclose. It was amazing how that instantly bridges the trust gap.

Yes, vulnerability is sexy .... VERY sexy ;)

Intimacy = Into Me See ..... you just let her into a very tender and delicate part of your world .... and that is a beautiful thing. Well done my friend!

(((HUGS))) and a Happy Dance over here for you :)

Hey everyone,

So as I let you know last week I got the nerve to disclose to this girl I met on only our second date. Yes, I know that seems quick but heck when you know, you know. Well This past weekend I went over to her place for dinner and ended up spending the whole weekend together. It was my first sexual experience following my diagnoses and it was extremely nerve racking because I truly care about her. Well after it was all said and done. I don't think I have ever had a better physical experience in my entire life. And I know this is because of being open with her and disclosing. We have a level of communication that I did not know before this site. I'm on cloud 9 right now.

I finally get what Adrial has been telling us over the years. Honestly I was a big skeptic about me finding someone. And it wasn't until I met this girl that everything thats been said on this site finally made sense and most importantly, gave me the mindset to properly disclose and begin a very healthy relationship. Yes ladies and gentlemen I have a girlfriend. And I would not have been in this position if not for the pure and real love I get from all of you anytime I post here. Thank you everyone.

Love you all

Nick

I just got chills and I'm grinning like a Cheshire Cat. YAAAAAAY!!!! Soooooo happy for you!!!!

(((BIIIIIIG HUGS)))

Ooh, I double up on what Ms. WCS said. :D

Thank you for sharing yourself. With her and with us. Enjoy, brotha!

Congrats man!!! Super stoked for u!

Woo!!

Thanks everyone. Its been a spectacular couple of weeks with her so far. A lot of great progress in what appears to be a promising relationship.

So happy for you!

*Grinning from ear to ear over here :) *

Thanks WCSDancer!!

She is coming to visit this weekend for the first time. I've been cleaning my place every night trying to make it not look like a typical bachelor pad. We've also decided to have me go on repressive therapy. I know there are some drawbacks, but we talked it over and decided that for right now we both feel more comfortable taking as many precautions as possible. Safety is Sexy.

I certainly feel like a teenager just gushing about this girl but I honestly couldn't be happier. I know when I was first diagnosed with Herpes I saw it as a condition or a flaw. But she sees me for the quality guy I am and herpes is just something that comes around from time to time. And she even tells me Im perfect for her. And anyone who is on here knows that you feel far from perfect some days so hearing that is such a motivating statement.

Keep on fighting the good fight, and anyone who feels lost or not sure on here, please don't hesitate to message me. There is a lot of great information on here. And like most information you don't realize how valuable it is until you have that AH HA moment.

Love you all,

Nick

I pretty much advise new discordant couples to use suppressive therapy for the first year while you are getting to know each other and how the virus is acting within your lifestyle.... after a year, if you are solid enough to want to try going off it, then at least you do so knowing that it's not the H that is keeping you together *if* the other person gets it ;)

I's my opinion on the matter and each has to do what is right for them as a couple ....

Aww your story makes me soo happy to read about!

WCSDancer, that is also our mindset as well. Its amazing how my stress levels have dropped since I disclosed to her. So I can tell my body is treating itself better. I luckily have a strong immune system so thats been a plus. Either way I know Im super excited to be having sex again, and its better than all the times before. Who would have thought 1 diagnoses would have changed my life for the better. Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.

Love you all

Nick

Nick,

I am thankful that you shared this story. As I was reading the initial post, I could feel myself getting nervous for you! It is encouraging to see someone who has overcome the fear, and who is giving true intimacy a chance. You two are fortunate to have found each other!

@unsure123

You see, that is what you will learn here ... that H forces us to find other, better, healthier ways to find love and experience intimacy ...

Nick's story is so beautiful because when he came here, he thought we were all smoking some really great stuff and that this concept of slowing down the sexual side in favor of really getting to KNOW someone first was just plain crazy .....

This is the perfect place for you right now. I hope you will hang around while you are navigating living with this crazy little virus ;)

Good Morning everyone (well its morning here in South Carolina),

So my girl came down Friday night and we got all dressed up and went out on the town. As we were laying in bed I realized I truly loved her. Not just in a physical, thanks for having sex with me type of way. But in a way that was unselfish and just pure. So I dropped the L word. Its very mutual to say the least. And some of my friends are skeptical (heck I would be) but when I went on our first date I said I was going to be open, honest, and real. Well, she did the same and we have cruised through every barrier that was a "hurdle" in my past relationships. I'm now happier than I have ever been and its because Ive accepted myself. If I'm the most stubborn person I know, I think anyone who come on this site is capable of the same love.

Sorry if this is turning into a journal for you. I just feel like I have something so positive to share with anyone who doubts their own chances out there like I did just a few months ago.

Love you all

Nick

Journal??? Heck yeah! Keep journaling and bring us with you! I'm loving these updates and your revelations and insights!

For anyone who doesn't know @NSgreenville 's story... you can click on his name, then "Discussion" and go back to his first posts when he first joined while his world seemed to be crashing all around him. So beautiful so be with you on your journey.... and see how you have grown .... through your "journal" ;)

(((HUGS)))

Hey everyone,

Been super busy with work and moving into a new place. Made some big steps this past weekend though. She was confident enough to introduce me to her son on Sunday. I am also going to be meeting her Mom, sister, and brother this weekend for the 4th. Needless to say I am nervous as can be, but only because meeting family is always nerve racking. Other than that I can honestly say this is the healthiest relationship I have ever been in by far.

Love you all,

Nick

Ahh congrats man! Sounds exciting!!!!!

Reading this makes me so happy . This is awesome congrats