HSV1 genitally, having constant, intense herpes outbreaks

Hi everyone:

About six weeks ago, I was diagnosed with HSV-1 genitally, three weeks after a one-time encounter I had with someone who disclosed his status to me - at the last minute, right in the heat of the moment - but didn't have an active outbreak and we used a condom. Although, looking back, we had lots of skin-to-skin contact before the condom came out.

I'm still totally upset and completely shocked and astounded as to how I could have contracted it, as I now realize my risk was really quite low, as it was a one-time thing, and I understand that it's very rare to get this type of HSV genital-to-genital (we didn't have oral sex).

What bizarre, horrible luck. Regardless, I now have it, and I know I contracted it from him.

Exactly three weeks after our night together, I began having symptoms of an outbreak and immediately went to my local sexual health clinic to be tested. I was diagnosed with HSV after a visual exam and later, the swab taken of my lesion confirmed it was HSV-1.

I took my initial dose of Valtrex for 7 days, and I started feeling better almost right away - it gave me much relief, because when my first outbreak happened, my symptoms were very intense, with itching, burning and especially the tingling, and eventually, the emergence of a cluster of small bumps unlike anything I had ever seen before.

But as soon as I finished my medication, my symptoms returned.

Over the next two weeks, I tried to tough through and wait it out, and tried to make the lifestyle changes to encourage a healthy immune system - lots of exercise, eating well, trying to rest and just take care of and be kind to myself, thinking that at some point, it would have to calm down and give me a break, at least physically, for awhile.

But the symptoms just wouldn't stop. So I went back to the clinic and got a prescription for medication to cover several more outbreaks.

Since then, I have gone through another several doses for two more recurrences. All in less than two months from contracting the virus.

And I'm still having the constant tingling as well as itching and pain. The tingling never seems to stop.

I'm also seeing blisters on other parts of my body - I just discovered one on my breast. Now, I'm afraid to touch my body in general, and I just don't know more to do to try and ease the symptoms.

The nurse who gave me my positive lab result said repeatedly that HSV-1 is supposed to be the "preferable" form of genital herpes, with less frequent breakouts and less risk of transmission. But what I am experiencing is super intense, and I am baffled.

I don't understand why there is no reprieve from my symptoms, other than when I'm taking antivirals. Am I going to need to take suppressive therapy?

I hate the idea of constantly having to be on medication, but these persistent symptoms are really starting to have a negative impact on me. It is truly holding me back from trying to heal, physically and especially psychologically, from this and to gain a better perspective.

With having constant physical symptoms, I think about my diagnosis and the virus constantly, every second of the day, as well as the hurt and anger I feel toward the person who gave this to me.

I know I am responsible for the decision I made to have sex with this person, who told me about his status, but not until we were in bed, undressed and on the verge of becoming intimate.

He also told me that it was impossible to transmit the virus when he was not having an outbreak - which I now know is absolutely untrue.

But at the time, in the heat of the moment, I didn't have that information and took the risk, believing what he was honest in what he told me. And he told me he had HSV for 8 years, so he really should have known better, if he wasn't outright deceiving me when we had "the talk."

So, soon after my diagnosis, we had an unpleasant conversation about how I felt about the timing of his disclosure - I wasn't uncivil and I tried not to use blaming language. I just wanted him to realize the problems with his disclosure, so he could change this, and hopefully, not have a similar situation happen again.

But he just became totally defensive, and now we no longer talk at all, which really hurts me. I didn't expect we would have a romantic relationship, but it's really painful that he doesn't want to talk to me again and doesn't care about how I am doing. The total rejection from him, combined with the discovery of my HSV, has been so brutal.

So there's the whole coming to terms with the fact that I have this, made worse from the fact that I got it from someone who is NOT loving, caring or supportive in any way, plus trying to get informed and find support (I have joined a local social and support group and I am always on here reading and trying to learn - this is an AMAZING site), as well as trying not hate myself and be bitter and negative, but while having constant physical symptoms the entire time. It's been really hard.

I am still very emotional about it, obviously, and I know that doesn't help with the symptoms, but is that the reason why I am having constant outbreaks? Any advice would be so appreciated.

@Rose2014

First - Welcome! Sorry you are having such a rough time of it.

I would certainly go on supressive therapy .... you an always wean off later but right now your physical and emotional health are more important ... and once your body has had a chance to create the antibodies you may well find you don't need it. Your body must just be a little slow on the uptake that it needs to get to work fighting it ... so giving it a helping hand may be just what it needs to get to work... given that you are auto-innoculating yourself (ie, on the breast) makes me think your immune system is just not kicking in like it should... and constant OB's won't be helping it at all. I'm a non-medication person and this is one med that I see as not only being a GOOD thing, but one that is actually pretty harmless on our bodies over time.

He also told me that it was impossible to transmit the virus when he was not having an outbreak - which I now know is absolutely untrue.

But at the time, in the heat of the moment, I didn't have that information and took the risk, believing what he was honest in what he told me. And he told me he had HSV for 8 years, so he really should have known better, if he wasn't outright deceiving me when we had "the talk."

Sadly, many, MANY people believe that you can't spread H without an OB because their Dr's told them.... and Dr's STILL are saying this today .... but your guy is probably going on what he was told back then and hasn't read any of the more recent info/studies. Perhaps you could send him a copy of the Handout on here? Just put a short note that he really should at least get up to date on his info, that you have learned that what he was told was what they believed at the time and that studies since have shown that we shed asymptomatically and CAN pass it on without an OB. And then you will have to let it go. Yes, he should have told you well before you were about to get intimate, but I don't think he lied to you ... I think he really believed he was ok from what you are saying. AND.... YOU should have opened up the topic of STD's long before you got horizontal and naked my friend.... AND ... you are far from alone in this mistake..... so don't beat yourself up too much for that. All non-monogamous sex implies the risk of STD's and pregnancy (pre-menopausal!) and all we can do is to do what we can to reduce our risk... just as every time we get in a car, we have to assume that there is a risk we could get injured or killed and we take precautions to reduce that risk (seat belts, obeying speed limits, not driving impaired, etc). AND, sometimes we lose the crap shoot of life and get in an accident and get a shitty outcome. If you are going to live life to the fullest, you run the risk of some kind of illness or injury.

So now, you just have to realize that life WILL go on and you WILL be ok in the end.... get educated, ask away when you have questions (tho the FAQ section and the Search bar will help you get a lot of questions answered so use them!! They are a great resource!)

So there's the whole coming to terms with the fact that I have this, made worse from the fact that I got it from someone who is NOT loving, caring or supportive in any way,

And that is where Herpes has acted as your Wing-man ... and while it sucks that you got it from him, it showed you who HE IS and got him out of your life faster than you likely would have without it... and that may be a far better scenario than what might have happened if you had not got it from him. Too many of us get into relationships only to realize that the person wasn't who we thought they were/hoped they would be. You will find that with Herpes, you get a lot of those people out of the way a LOT faster and that those who love YOU and all your imperfections won't let a little virus get in the way of your relationship.

I'm posting a few links for you to help you digest a bit more of the reality ... but take it from a 35 yr veteran ... you will be fine. Promise :)

(((HUGS)))

FAQs:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations/p1

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

http://herpeslife.com/using-herpes-as-your-wing-man/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3296/this-is-water-this-is-water- Choice

@WCSDancer2020

Thank you so much for your message. It looks like I will have to try suppressive therapy, for a while, anyway. I have to do whatever I can to get back on track physically, so I can tackle this emotionally, which is a big task, even when reaching out for support.

I'm stunned at how this happened, as well as at how violently my body is reacting to the virus - very surprising, as I have always been in excellent physical health.

This part of your message:

And that is where Herpes has acted as your Wing-man ... and while it sucks that you got it from him, it showed you who HE IS and got him out of your life faster than you likely would have without it... and that may be a far better scenario than what might have happened if you had not got it from him. Too many of us get into relationships only to realize that the person wasn't who we thought they were/hoped they would be. You will find that with Herpes, you get a lot of those people out of the way a LOT faster and that those who love YOU and all your imperfections won't let a little virus get in the way of your relationship.

... made me cry a bit, as it's so comforting to hear. And I'm sure it's true.

When I was planning to have casual sex with him, there were already a number of red flags that led me to conclude that there was no possibility for a relationship, at least a healthy one, with him.

And I can see that had things between us continued, there could - likely would have - been even more heartbreak on the horizon, and for that I guess I should be thankful. I just can't believe I have to pay this price for one episode of bad, bad judgment.

But he was thrilling, exciting, attractive and charming, and I thought I could get away with one night of passion.

When he told me about his HSV, after getting over the initial shock, and listening to him explain his situation, I thought the risk was so small, so low, that I could still have the fun I was planning to have all along, and get off scot-free. Surprise!! :-)

It also helps to think of my own mindset about HSV, before I got it myself.

Although I knew very little about it, I would never have turned away from a promising relationship, someone I felt a real connection with because of HSV. I know my mind and my heart would have been completely open and accepting, if there were potential for a real relationship.

While I knew there was no relationship potential with the person who gave it to me, I decided to take the risk for the thrill, and unfortunately, I got burned. But as you rightly point out, there is risk inherent to everything we do, and sometimes the worst case scenario will happen.

I feel like I'm very slowly, but surely starting to make some progress in moving into the acceptance phase. Thank you so much for the links and for the support :-)

I

I know this is an old post...but I am wondering if your constant outbreaks are now under control three years later and if you are still on suppression therapy...I hope this message finds you

I got so much from this post. Thank you for sharing and prompting the reply x