Mom whose daughter has herpes

Just wondering if any Moms on this forum have a child with H? It's not what my daughter has it's how she is handling it. I am very supportive and try to just listen when she needs to talk about it. I found this sight because I knew nothing about this and needed to learn more. As a Mom I think I can fix everything. Well I can't help her unless I know what to say. I love her with all my heart and this does not define her as the beautiful person she is. My problem is I promised her I wouldn't tell ANYONE and I believe I just need support and someone to talk to in the same situation. It happened and now we must move forward. Next step is to get her on this site. Thanks for listening.

Aww - Mom - first, do know you can't fix everything (you have to let your baby grow up!). I have 2 in their 20's and it's hard but they have to learn their life lessons themselves.

Just be loving and listen to her... let her know it doesn't make you think less of her. That's the biggest thing you can do for her... and yes, get her on here.... she won't believe you if you don't have it...talking to people who do is what helps most get through this.

(((HUGS)))

Coming from someone in her 20's whose parents were not loving and supportive and told people, this warmed my heart. To see a parent care and be the things mine weren't. I don't speak to my parents and haven't for close to 4 months. Tell her you love her, and hug her. That was the one thing I needed to hear, especially from my daddy. I didn't get that. My step mom told people and for involved in my business with the guy who gave it to me.

Be her rock. That's what I counted on and I just got told to get over it and keep going. She is going to have bad days, it's understandable. She will likely be angry and mean or have days where she sits all alone. It's normal. Just love her... Don't get frustrated... And let her know it doesn't matter that you are her momma and nothing in the world will change it or make them love her less.

This is what I wanted... Needed... And it broke my heart to not have my parents support or love through it. Now we don't speak. It's hard every day, but life goes on.

@lovingmom47 ....what a wonderful mum you are. You are showing your love for her by just coming on here.

I told my parents, who have been supportive. I think though that the key is finding out true info and facts, everything...which is all on here. You've found the best support network there is and the correct info.

My frustration and anger, when discussing it with my parents sometimes was that I had to continue to explain what it was. Its bad enough doing it once....they did try and look things up...but it wasn't always right info...so i appreciated their thought loads...but id get upset having to correct it or having to justify what id learnt about it....very irritating on top of trying to cope with my own thoughts and emotions. Getting the right info is vital i think.

And saying they understood how I felt...as lovely as that sounds..for me personally iit was annoying and sort of angered me more...because No-one understands unless they have it, they can't and won't. So i just needed to know they were there...and your daughter knows you are...so youre doing the right things :)

The key i think is also not to bring it up unless she wants to...as the emotional hurt of it can be very very hard to deal with...you are clearly a great mum. The best support like dancer said...is on here where people have it. So they get it! She knows your there for her and trusts you, which is great :)

Parents always want to fix things...and so my dad still talks about a cure not being far away....but nobody knows if or when...so i have to try and stop conversationd going down that route...as it doesnt help whats shes going through until/if that happens.

i think its so lovely you have posted here to help and support your daughter. Great mum :) and definitely point her in the right direction to this forum :)

Good luck x

@thisisgoingtobeokay ....hey :) ...sorry to hear you didnt get support from home. But you have it here, I for one care and understand :) people i didnt want to know, know tok....its unfair and doesnt help...so i get that feeling too. Hope you're doing ok x

I may be close to your daughter's age, being 20 years old (but that's just me assuming), I remember the day I told my parents I had herpes. I was 18 years old and I came down stairs early in the morning told my parents I had herpes and I have a court date coming up because I stole some cloths at Target (*these were my rebellious days*) and just weeped in their arms. I thought I had it all under control but I didn't I needed my parents. I think she would benefit from a site like this when she's ready. I didn't start talking to other people with herpes until recently, everyone is different, but I think we can all agree it was scary for all of us, and life changing. But I love herpes, I'll just flat out say it, I wouldn't be the person I am if I didn't have it. I would be just as ignorant as everyone else, I would have not known it's hardship, and know how strong I am. It's a blessing made to look like a curse from society. I'm in a happy relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year now, and he is HVS2 free! Let her know her love life isn't over, she is beautiful, and she is loved and that's as much as you can do, unless she requests more.

Hope I could help, feel welcome to message me as well!

You sound like a sweet mom. I told my mom and I'm 40 something and it was very difficult, but the role of a mom in a situation like this is not to be judgmental, not to tell her there is a cure or she can cure it herself (that's brutal), the role of a mom (in my opinion) in this case is:

- to be there to listen to your daughter when she cries or is having a bad day (hugs are good)

- to bring her to her appts if she doesn't want to go on her own

- to help get her introduced to this site (I found it on my own and really helps talking to people anonymously)

- to bring her her favourite junk food to cheer her up

- to tell her its hard now, but it will get better

I found that when I was diagnosed with herpes, the overwhelming feeling was loneliness, like I was in it myself, like I was never going to have human physical connection again, that was really the most difficult part. Having human physical connection is a part of life.....tell her to get on this site, it will help her see what life is life after diagnosis. And give her lots of hugs.

Good luck

Ella Dawson, the beautiful, smart, outspoken young woman who has become the "Posterchild" for the Herpes movement, just published this...hope you get this and can pass this on to your daughter :)

https://ellacydawson.wordpress.com/2015/10/20/to-the-teenage-girls-who-have-herpes/

Hi, When I told my mom a month ago that I had come down with herpes. I actually told her on facebook...I just couldn't face her face to face. She told me I love you, and i'm so sorry you have to deal with this for the rest of your life. She told me I could make a choice, I needed to change my life or she was afraid worse would happen to me. She told me I was the only baby girl she had, and she didn't want to hear I had anything that would take me away from her. She's also a nurse lol, and weirdly now we both have herpes she has type 1 and I have type 2. So, she went and told me about things she avoids so not to trigger an outbreak, and she said these days I hardly ever have a blister, hopefully with time it will be the same for you.

Just be there for her. Somedays I'm a complete ass. Somedays I just cry. Somedays I have so much hope in the future I can't believe it. Just love her and be there. Trust me, having one person in your corner is so vital. You're making a difference by just being there.