hitting a road block

Hey all! It's been awhile since I've been back here, and it's good to be around such inspiring people--I needed it.

I was diagnosed with HSV2 in January and told the guy I had just started dating shortly afterwards. We have a fantastic connection and I'm glad he was cool about it--asked a lot of questions and we talked about it for a long while.

Now it's three months later. Everything is going great (we're even planning a summer trip to Europe together) but we haven't been intimate since (or talked about it since). I think we like each other so much that we're both just trying to ignore the fact that it is there, because it makes it more difficult.

Back when we spoke I told him that I wanted him to take as long as he needs to be comfortable with it, and we decided not to have sex. I've given him for oral; but other than that, nothing. I know that he needs time to process this, and luckily I know he cares about me a lot. However, the last few days its just gotten me down a lot. For a while I even stopped thinking about it but now it's like its crawling back heavily into my mind. I'm scared that it will in fact break us apart--which makes me sad, because we are perfect for each other.

Not sure what answers I'm looking for on here--just curious if anyone's gone through anything similar. Could really use some advice on where to go from here. Thanks so much-you guys are the greatest.

@loveactuallyis

Welcome back!

So it sounds like you need to have a talk - in a healthy relationship, communication is key, so approach him from a "I think it's time that we talk about this again...ignoring it isn't making it go away... where are you in all this?" type of conversation.

One thing from a woman tho my friend... the fact that you are giving him Oral is making it easier for him to ignore the elephant in the room ( I HOPE he is reciprocating in some way??? If not,,,, well, you got a herd of elephants in the room!). We women seem to think that the way to keep a man is to keep him sexually satisfied... even at the expense of our own sexual satisfaction... and we will cave in to their advances well before we know we should for that reason. So if you are having doubts/concerns then follow your gut and get to the bottom of it ;)

Are you on anti-virals?? If not, perhaps you can use that as a feed in ... tell him you are ready, and you want to go on the antivirals but it can take 10 days to build into the system so you want to know if you need to get the script filled...

Either way - listen to your gut, and get the answers that you need. If he is planning a trip he must really want to be with you... but you may be making it too easy for him to avoid the difficult conversation that needs to be had...at some point ya gotta fish or cut bait.... maybe it's time to see if he's really hooked on you ;)

(((HUGS)))

Hi,

you definitely need to talk about that ,there is no way around. WC Dancer is right , you give him pleasure and he is ok with it when he don't need to do anything himself and ignore the fact you having H.....this is absolutely no healthy relationship, please talk to him again and give him the fact of risk of transmission .If you take antivirals and a condom....the transmission rate with both is only by 2 percent., which is not to high because when he would sleep around the rate would be much higher then sleeping with you...H or all the other sexual viruses are always around....doesn't matter who he sleep with.

You cant go on like that and now you even make a big trip to my Europe together so it would be much better that you sort that out before you go together on vacation.

I hope you will have a talk soon :) .

By the way if you go to Europe you for sure should visit my town Barcelona, it a beautiful city .....you will have a great time.

good luck with your guy

It's good you are giving each other time to process this sort of thing because it is not an easy decision for somebody h- to make. I don't mean to sound like a downer but I have faced this before with people and the way I see it for the other person is [Am I willing to put myself at risk for a life-long disease for a relationship that won't be forever?]. This is a difficult decision and for us it may be that we get rejected or people are with us for a short time but their decision is to not continue the relationship after some time.

There are medication options to reduce risk and barrier methods to also help reduce risk.

I will say kudos for you for falling in love. It's something I am too fearful of at the moment because I do not want to get hurt. I see the strength in you though because you are willing to connect with people and not let h stop you from falling in love and enjoying what life has to offer even if it isn't forever.