disclosing herpes: to do it or not to do it..help!

I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months now he's amazing! He understands me in anyway but an std is a huge thing! I mean I've been outbreak free for about 6 years thank god and I'm going to make an appointment to get some antivirals and to refreshened my mind on which one do I have if type one or type 2 I can't believe its been that long that I don't remember! Coming here I've learned so many things and read so many disclosing stories I'm thinking of disclosing with this guy but I'm really scared and I think its time. I really dont want to keep going and let him keep thinking everything is ok with me when its not. Im putting myself in his shoes and I would like to know, so any advice ? Take note this is my second time disclosing my first time was in highschool a year after I got it but everyone is different, every person doesn't think the same and it being 6 years later so much has changed please help I'm so confused :(

Aww... I think you should tell him everything you just told us...

"I really dont want to keep going and let him keep thinking everything is ok with me when its not. Im putting myself in his shoes and I would like to know"

Wait for when the floor opens up. (When the setting is right, that is.) AND also, be very careful of what language you use when talking to him... This condition isn't nowhere as big of a deal as society may make it out to be. Plus, there are many who don't see it as a big deal... and accept it. Don't assume before hand what response he'll give you and act on it. Sometimes we are wrong and unnecessarily set ourselves up (as if we just know we'll be turned down). Give him AS MUCH time as he needs to decide on his own.

When disclosing sound warm and not afraid or uncertain. (Do cry either lol. That can be scary). Let him see that the condition isn't something to be afraid of, but something to be cautious about. I'd wait until I get things straight so I will be on top of things and appear that way... As long as you know which type you have and the preventative measures to take for you two, y'all will be a-okay. And when appropriate after disclosure, I would even ask him would he like to be educated on it. There are plenty of useful forms on here about disclosure and transmission.

Just don't rush or overthink when the time is appropriate... let it flow. However, I can't tell you when as far as time wise what's right. Every possible disclosure situation (and potential partner) is different...

:) Hope I helped. I hope things go well! And if not, H is acting as your wing man by weeding out those who aren't truly accepting of all aspects of you.

@onelovegirl

Based on what you said, I think you know the answer.... ;)

So here's the deal. You KNOW you have this. You understand that it's not a big deal but you also understand that it's scary and the stigma sucks. You know that while you would not CHOOSE to have this, that it's controllable and there are lots of things you can do to protect your partner because you would not want them to get it if it can be at all avoided. The majority of people on here were not given the choice... AND many would have stayed with the partner but they could have used anti-virals and safe practices and drastically reduced their risk...but they never got that chance.

Or to put it another way... wouldn't you have wanted to have been told before you hooked up with the person you got it from?

Yes, I get it that you are scared, you are afraid to lose him. But he deserves to know. And as I tell everyone, look at H as a possible "deal breaker" ... just as children, smoking, drug use, or any other health issue might be a deal breaker for someone. It doesn't reflect anything about YOU, it's about what each person is willing to live with/be exposed to. They have a right to say "Yes, I see enough in this relationship to live with this" or "While I really care about you, I am not willing to subject myself to this".

How you handle the disclosure can help a LOT. Get informed on the type you have. Learn about 'asymptomatic shedding" for that type. All that info is here:

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

Read as many disclosure stories as you can. I'll list some here. And keep us posted. We'll be here cheering you on my friend :)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2384/successful-herpes-disclosure Bookworm_21

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2386/ive-been-gone-for-too-long

klopz

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2390/update-on-my-for-my-h-opp-peeps nic4897

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2445/my-success-story simplyme24

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2544/disclosure silentstandoff

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1644/having-the-herpes-talk-with-a-new-partner Daisy

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2689/first-time-disclosing-herpes-and-very-very-nervous paleogardenerkika

@onelovegirl Also, I would have him get tested for everything to. It is just as much about you being protected as it is him. It is good if both of you know y'all status. Idk if yours is genital, oral, hsv 1 or 2... And it is still a possibility that he could even have one, and even so possible that he could have oral hsv 1 since it is commonly contracted during childhood.