Having a "why not me" kinda day

So it's a rainy dreary day and I'm having a "why not me?" kinda day. Must be the weather. I'm not one for posting but I do creep along in the forum discussions. I'm having one of down days and just need to get my thoughts and feelings out somehow; and what better place. So i'm just about to the year mark where me and my ex split up and i'm reflecting on the year. Sure i've done some good things and got out there more but not exactly what I wanted to accomplish. My ex seems to have it all; new girlfriend, new job, moved in with his girlfriend and they are just blissfully happy and moving right along, next will be marriage and babies. It seems like i'm lagging behind, how was he able to move on so quickly and find someone else with herpes to boot. It's like he found her and that was it. How come I can't find the same happiness? Lord knows I want it bad enough. I'm jealous, angry, sad, but yet at the same time i'm not envious of her b/c I know the kind of guy he is. I'm ready to date, but not ready to disclose, so i've fallen into that trap of only looking for guys also with (h). It seems like everything worked out for the best for the ex and just the opposite for me and I'm still stuck in that "just broken up" stage and can't move on. It sucks. We also have a child so we're always connected, and he rubs it in my face that he's moved on. It's a sad spot to be in when you feel like you'll be lonely and all by yourself for the rest of your life. Sounds drastic but I guess that's just where i'm at right now, looking long term and not in the now. They say that good things come to those who wait, well i've waited....and waited. I'm just bummed that all the stars aligned for the ex and are just all spread out and all over the place for me. I don't want to be a single mom while he's playing house with the new girlfriend and I don't want to be lonely. boo me. There's alot going on here, there's the resentment at the ex for moving on and settling down, there's the feeling of being left-behind and left-out, and there's the feeling of a new woman moving in on my "mom" territory (nails come out for that one). Just a whole lotta bad on that side of things. It's hard to find things to be thankful for;I have a great child, I have a job, a place to live, clothes, food, family, friends......I know that's a lot to be thankful for but I'm having a hard time to "see" that right now. I even want to cry, and I can feel it, but no tears come...a good cry would be nice. Pink said it best in her song "Blow me One Last Kiss"...."i've had a shit day|. Something's gotta give, really though, it's just gotta.

Oh what a load you are carrying! So great that you decided to post, you need to get this stuff OUT of you and on paper (or screen). Yes things come to those who wait, but there's a lot more to do than wait. Consider that how you think and especially how you FEEL draws your world to you. Google this if you want some evidence, there's loads.

So all this yucky emotion you have about yourself, your ex, his new girl, your child and your motherhood, before you even think about H and your body, will make sure you cannot move on. Here's a thought for a starting point:

1. set an intention to heal yourself completely, be willing to do whatever it takes. It will take more than you think, or you would have done it already. Only you can decide that you and your life and happiness are worth it.

2. Write your ex a letter you will never send him. I suggest doing this on your computer, and not saving it, so that you will never be tempted to send it, and it will never be sent accidentally. After that, write another one. After that, write another one. Delete them all as you finish them. So you go, Dear (ex), then you empty yourself. Say everything that 's there, no censoring anything. When it's done, close it as if sending it, do not save. Next time you're upset, do another one. It may be the next day, the next week or the next minute.

If you do this, you will be amazed how much freedom and space you create by emptying out. You are truly emotionally constipated with hurt and possibly hatred as well. Nothing good can come to you in that state, and yes, it's impossible to FEEL gratitude even though you have things to be grateful for. Do this and then tell us how you went. Consider a session or two or ten with Adrial too.

We all feel for you, but you are the only one who can do the work you need to do. It sounds scary, yet just try it! the relief is enormous. Then you will have a clear space to start opening to new possibility. Hang in there girl, get writing.

O my, I feel like you just read my mind! I have the same situation as you only we ended our relationship almost 3 weeks ago... And I don't have my own place yet and it's not confirmed he has a new gf! But none the less I feel for you and know how frustrating it can be! I too worry about the future, I don't really care about the now seeing as I'm not ready to date but I don't want to be a single

Mom forever and I want to feel that excitement and completeness that being in love brings. I think we should both try what the other person suggested, with the letters.... It sounds like a good idea! I hope you find everything your looking for!