OK here it goes ... I have herpes

So I have been silently observing this site since I found out I contracted HSV 2 in July of 2012. Today is the day I finally got the nerve to post. I've had a couple down days and I just need some support. My story is actually a little sad but I have made the conscious effort to try and not let the things that have happened to me define my life.

Ok here it goes…I contracted herpes from my ex-husband. When I married my husband he was the only person I had been with and couldn’t have been more in love. Less than three short years later I thought we were blissfully in love and I was married to my best friend. Long story short I come home from work in April of 2011 when my ex tells me he cheated 7 months prior and the girl is pregnant, but he still loves me and wants to stay married. That was the most horrible day of my life. One that still keeps me up at night because I truly had no idea.

I went to the doctor a month later very distraught, explained my situation and said, “please give me the Cadillac of testing.” I got a call 4 days later and was told everything looks good. I come to find out later down the road, I wasn’t tested for herpes. I should have asked specifically but considering all that had happened I was barely keeping it together. Needless to say after lots of soul searching and counseling I decided to file for divorce. We didn’t have any children so I packed my bags, got a great job at a prestigious university and literally moved across the United States to the city I attended graduate school to try to heal and start life over.

A year later, I was dating a new great who was tested so we had unprotected sex. One day I thought I had a yeast infection went to the doctor and come to find out I have herpes! I told the guy and he claimed he was ok with it and said he didn’t think of me any differently. However, we live an hour and a half apart and things just didn’t work out. Who knows, it could have been the herpes. or maybe not (shrug). So not only do I have to deal with getting over a cheating ex husband, my first attempt at dating a failure, and now herpes! I have only told my mom and sister who are extremely loving and supportive and for that I am very lucky. I keep telling myself it's not the end of the world and it will be ok. But some days are worse than others and the past week I have been really sad.

So here I am, 29, great job, wonderful friends and family, usually pretty positive, but crying. I keep trying to believe that it’s better this way because I don’t want a cheater or someone who doesn’t accept me for me, because let’s face it…I never got a choice in the matter. But it's difficult. I try to believe I’ll find someone who will love me for me battle wounds included. I’m really good at saying these positive affirmations and putting on a happy front but inside on days like today I feel sad and empty.

I apologize for the long story…and I warned you it was a little depressing. I really do try and stay positive but I am having my second outbreak ever. I think that spurs the emotional downturn. I am usually the person who people turn to for a good laugh and encouragement, but tonight the shoe is on the other foot.

Your story is very very sad! Your ex husband was a dirtbag! I can not stand cheaters! Things will get better, it's taken me 4 years to be ok with H. And it seems when I get in a fight with my now ex or I have a little outbreak, it seems to bring forth feelings that I thought were resolved about the whole H thing. I think counseling really helps me, I use it mainly for other aspects of my life but it helps to talk about H sometimes too. And also staying actively involved in this forum has really helped. I hope things get easier for you and I'm glad you spoke up and let us get to know you!!!

I hear you, justbreathe. And I feel your sadness, your loneliness. I hear your "what ifs" echoing in your head way over here. ;) And I hear how healing it is for you to actually reach out here. And how rare it seems to be to allow yourself to reach out, to ask for help. I appreciate a person like you who can support others when they need a good laugh and encouragement and then be able to ask for the same in turn.

And for the record, I don't think your story is depressing. It sounds like what I call life. Life happens. And challenges happen. Your story sounds like many people's story on here. (I say this not to minimize the feelings that your story evokes in you, but to normalize it to be reality instead of some horrible fiction.) Name one person who hasn't had challenges in their life and I'll be blown away. And I'll give you a $50 prize pack to boot. ;) These just happen to be your challenges. How are you relating to yourself when you consider your story? That's what's important. If you keep saying your story is depressing, then you'll be depressed. If you pity yourself, then that feels like shit; it perpetuates the cycle, the downward spiral. And yes, we all get sad. But there's a big difference between being depressed and being sad. Being sad is natural, healing. It's the yin to happiness' yang. You can't have happy without sad. But being depressed is when sadness mixes in with self-defeating voices in your head, convincing you of all kinds of bullshit that simply isn't true. Keep your eye on that for yourself and be your own best friend, especially when you need it most.

Will you be coming to the herpes opportunity weekend seminar at the end of the month? Sounds like it'd be a great opportunity for you to shift all these self-defeating thoughts around. I'd love to talk with you about coming if you're up for it.

I'm sending you lots of healing energy justbreathe...I have a very similar exhusband story only I was the one who got pregnant while he couldn't figure himself out and was with the other woman. It sucks and yes its sad because there is no choice. And you are allowed to have down days and I am glad you felt brave enough to post on here...you aren't alone. So be sad...just don't let it turn into depression like Adrial says. You will find someone who will love you battle wounds and all...in the meantime let the tears fall and be cleansing and get on with the awseome things in your life :-) x

Thank you so much for the support! Adrial I completely I agree with the difference between sad and depressed and I can confidently say I was having a moment of self pity and sadness, but not depression. I think you nailed it Lelani when you said it makes me sad because I didn't have a choice. I didn't get a say in the situation which drives my slightly controlling self crazy! But feel assured I agree wholeheartedly that life is far too amazing to let it pass you by...and I don't plan on missing out! That is one of the reason I chose to post, not only to receive support but to extend support and positivity to others.

Adrial I am not quite sure about the workshop...I'll think about it. But please know each time I visit the site I feel so much better and for that I am grateful.