Please Help! A womens advice. This is a hard situation.

This is a long story and a difficult one. I started dating a girl 2 years ago we have known each other for 10 years and been very close. We never got serious because its a long distance relationship. Finally we are ready to date and start. One week into the relationship she finds out she had HSV2 it was doormat in her body. She was beside herself, she told me I needed to get checked. She was worried it would change status of our relationship. I said no matter what I love you, I knew she was the one and I felt like if I had it it would be easier for us. I wanted her to be comfortable. She's 24 I am 27. Sure enough I find out thru blood test I have it and it was given to me. We both love each other, we dated for 2 years thru distance. Never any trust issues, she always knew she had my best interest. She always felt like she wasn't beautiful because of it. I always did my best to pick her up. Well as of recent she hit a time in her life where she needed "space" and a "break" it all hit me then that I have hsv2 as well. I keep having hope she will come around, than I think past her and it destroys me. She's a young girl trying to get into med school. I feel like she will come back to me because of having this "H connection" especially because she loves me as much as I love her. The only problems we have is communication. I need someone advice on how it is when a couple shares hepres than they seperate. Will she be back?

@Tj1986

First - Welcome! Glad you found us :)

Will she be back? Well, sorry but we don't have a crystal ball here and so we can't really answer that.... but I'll tell you what I see in the little bit I'm reading.

Sadly she has bought into the stigma of Herpes that it makes us unlovable, dirty, etc. It's a stigma that is totally undeserved but it is what it is. Add onto that, that Herpes brings out a person's deepest fears and insecurities about themselves that were likely already there, and magnifies them 10-fold. It sounds like all this is coming down on her right now. Whatever happens, I would say to let her have the distance she needs to figure out what SHE needs and to find and learn to love herself. As the saying goes, if you love something, set it free...if it is meant for you, it will return.

As far as you "H-connection" - well, if that is the main reason for the relationship continuing, then it's the wrong reason. Both of you having Herpes should be the LAST reason to stay together. If communication is your issue, then THAT is where you need to focus IF and WHEN she returns... and that is something that you may want to talk to Adrial about.... between his Home Study course and private coaching, he may be able to help you work through the communication issue.

If she doesn't return, well, you can still find love (with or without an H+ partner) and have a beautiful relationship. There are plenty of people on here who have had great success stories with H- partners. It's all about learning to accept and love yourself exactly as you are, and being able to educate another about what herpes really is: a nuisance skin condition in a really awkward place ;)

(((HUGS)))

I dont feel we are connected becauce of it, but i feel it made us that much stronger. Distance is tough, seeing eachother once every 3 weeks is hard and sometimes it hurts so much you want to let go but he never did. She was suppose to move down to me, but she came to a point in her life where she had to make a choice and keep trying to get into a dental school. By having that stress as much as stress to maintain a relationship long distance she took a step back. I know she never coped with getting herpes from the beg, I mean i didnt either because i never saw myself with another women so it didnt matter to me.

@WCSDancer2010

Hi @Tj1986 .. I am assuming that's your birth year so I feel a partiality for you since that's how old my little brother is and I half raised him :) So, here is the thing:

1) It seems you are asking for reassurance that she isn't going to leave.

Here is the answer and I'm not trying to be blunt or mean but rather very rational; the answer is we don't know. Only life does and unfortunately it seems you might be trying to leap over the journey to the ending of this predicament and fortunately life doesn't really allow us to do so.

2.) Your predicament has nothing to do with her or you having herpes. It has to do with relationships and relating.

You've hit a bump in the road. A time when one partner reassesses where they are and where they are going and the other partner, not really knowing how the person they love is thinking or feeling, sorta (for lack of a better word) freaks! It's scary, right? You don't want to live without her being your partner and you hope she feels the same. In truth, you just don't know.

3.) Since you just don't know, why don't you have a conversation about how you're feeling and ask how she is feeling.

Why guess? Why drive yourself crazy thinking of possible outcomes? Talk. Communicate. Start with how you're feeling insecure about your relationship because you're not sure how she is feeling right now and what she may do next. Tell her you'll be supportive but that couples need to work things through. Space may be needed by her to identify her feelings and you'll support the time she needs to do just that but please when you're ready to communicate with me, let me know :). I feel insecure and need your support as well. I love you. I want what's best for me, you and us. Let's talk. And, if things are fine between us and I'm just terrified unnecessarily, please let me know that prior to our conversation :)

Good luck, love! I wish you all the best!

@Tj1986

You say she never really coped with the diagnosis...so why don't you get her on here? Get her some support (we're really good at that here ;) ) and help her realize she is far from alone...

Either way, a long distance relationship is never easy .... it sounds like that is the root of the problem. As nic4897 said, you've hit a bump in the road... trust that it will work out as it should work out...trust that if you are meant to be together, you will be. Get help with the communication issues (if you can, do therapy together.... if not, then get to a therapist yourself but make sure that the person will help you work on communication/coping skills and not just "talk". )

Trust the process my friend. It will work out as it is meant to work out :)

(((HUGS)))