Should I disclose my herpes prior to kissing someone?

I had been on one date with a guy, made out at the end of the night.

The next time I saw him, I sat him down and told him all about my little condition.

He lost it! Freaked out, was completely convinced he might have caught it even though I told him I don't have it orally. He insists I could have it orally and not know it. Needless to say he is still quite upset with me and we are no longer speaking.

But really, point of this all is, should I tell the person I'm seeing about my herpes before kissing them?

Hi Kath...hey welcome :-)

That was a sad end to the night! I think H has done you a favour really...considering 80% of the population has it his freak out is kind of funny. He obviously doesn't bother to ask anyone if they have it before he kisses them. You had enough integrity to tell him and he's upset with you??? His reaction is only from his ignorance with something he knows nothing about, instead of asking you questions and researching it...he's come from a place of fear and made negative judgments. That says more about him than you and is a little red flag flapping about for you to take notice of, might be the way he deals with a lot of things!

Telling someone before you have HSV1 genitally before you kiss them...? I probably would...only because I like getting disclosing out of the way as soon as possible. Having it in the background knowing I will have to disclose anyway and then waiting for the 'perfect moment' is way harder for me. It means I haven't got too attached and how they react tells me so much about their character and if they are right for me. I don't look at it so much as being rejected, more like a good insurance policy to stop me from making a mistake pursuing a relationship that might not be good for me, regardless of H.

Good on you for being brave and honest...:-)

It's herpes for goodness sakes, not the plague. And the funny part is, he could have herpes and not know it. At any rate, you are better off without him. The ironic part is that he didn't have any discussion with you about yours or his sexual health but when you were honest and open about your situation, he freaked out. I always find it interesting when I am rejected for being open about herpes when they don't think that a discussion around sexual health is necessary. If I wasn't honest, they would never know what I had and so quite obviously they have never had that discussion with anyone else, which is worriesome. I think herpes actually makes us a safer bet because we do have those conversations and we do take precautions. The "runners" never stop to consider that and could be opening themselves up to something much worse than an annoying and non-life threatening virus that has been around since the dawn of man.

Great Post WD! I totally agree...!!!! :-)

Ah, thank you so much! It was my first time ever having to tell someone, so I was feeling a little guilty, like I had done it wrong! Thanks for the reassurance :)

I am just re-reading this post, and thought I would respond to my situation. I do not think you did anything wrong in your situation at all! I would have told the guy the next time I saw him too.

I have not yet disclosed my herpes situation to any guy yet. I have been avoiding dating so I wouldn't have to, but I met someone this past weekend.

It was an amazing night. I remember seeing him at a party, and was instantly attracted to him. All night we were making eye contact, and I gained the courage to go up to him and talk. We found out we had mutual friends. By the end of the night, he had asked what my plans were. We ended up leaving together, and ended up kissing and cuddling outside. We went back to my place, and the kissing continued..

this was so hard...just kissing him, and having this thought in the back of my mind the whole time. He could sense that I was hesitant. I told him I had not had a guy over in awhile, and just wanted to take it slow. There was such a connection with him, and I wanted him as much as he wanted me. But yet, I wanted more than anything to just let 'it' out of the closet, because it weighed me down the whole time.

We did not sleep together that night, just kissed and cuddled. He got my number in the morning, and I got his. But now I have this dreadful thought of having to disclose to him at our next meeting if this same situation happens.

It has been stressing me out for days. I should be so happy to have met such an attractive, handsome guy that I shared a connection with. But instead I am feeling so sad afterwards thinking about having to disclose, and the rejection :(

Hey Virgo girl, great you have met someone!

So here's the thing, start imagining that your disclosure is a success! you've already decided that he will reject you. He will sense your shame if you do that. Imagine what a thrill it will be if he's ok with it. Read Adrial's book twenty times, take notes, imagine success; + also imagine that you are fine whatever the result, you are thrilled with your courage and strength. And worst case, if there's one man you fancy big time out there, there are more. Be proud. Read all the success stories on here too. Feed your mind the stuff you want, not the stuff you don't.