[VIDEO] Watch my herpes video diary

Hi all you beautiful people ...

I've been going through a rough time lately ... Last week my girlfriend and I decided to go our separate ways. It's been the most loving relationship I've ever experienced. And I was so afraid to let it go (even though we both knew it was time to let it go). All of the fear that was holding on to about what breaking up would look like ended up not being like that at all when it happened. Ultimately, as it was in our relationship, it has been the most loving breakup I've ever experienced, too. We still love each other, still live together until she finds a new place, still committed to the best for each other, and knowing that we aren't meant to be together, at least not now. And this change has set me on a path of wanting to make sure I take care of myself, too. I have a tendency to feel alone if I don't stay connected to what matters, if I don't remind myself of what's important.

So I have dedicated myself to get up by an alarm clock at 7:00a (which is early, folks, I'm a freelancer!), bolt out of bed, head out the door to start my first hour off with deep breathing, practicing gratitude, getting clear on what I want my future to look and feel like, and reminding myself to feel instead of shut down. I am lucky enough to have a beautiful forest and creek right across the street from me. And I go jogging along the creek during this routine. At a certain point along the path is a beautiful spot that overlooks a bend in the creek where I sit down and record whatever comes up. And I've decided to share the first three days of this video diary with you, with our community ...

http://herpeslife.com/watch-my-herpes-video-diary/

Breakups, ugh, I know of no worse pain. Actually, the feelings leading up to a breakup are the worst, but like you say, we shall be grateful for all feelings we experience and not name them as good or bad, they just ARE (feelings). So thank you for the awesome reminder.

I didn't call you back because I had not been straight up with you, I imagine you could sense that I too have herpes and I do have a friend with a virus but I was the real one reaching out for help and you were awesome. I just felt like a loon for playing it off like I didn't have it and my friend did. I'm pretty sure you come across this more often than not. I'm accepting now, I can talk about it. I will tell guys friends that I have a virus that many people have. It's up to them to stick around.

No one is alone.

wow, Adrial, I have never felt you this real before. I have seen some of your other videoes, and never felt you this real, vulnerable, honest, open and beautiful. Maybe I have just been blind before, but I do not think so. I feel that now I can trust you. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful, magical and important morning ritual. I am moved.

And I ask myself: what can I give to this community? Can I give anything? I haven´t taken part of it yet. I can give just this right now, - send you my greatest thank you, and wish you the very best for the days to come, keep up the good work:) enjoy the nature, what a place! And what a beautiful sound from the little river! It warms me to hear you talk about the love between you and your "girlfriend". It is soft. and it is easy to feel the love between you. Wishing the best for both of you.

I have a morning ritual with yoga and meditation that I have left for some time, Now I will return to it. It is hard for me to do it everyday before work, but when I do it, my day becomes better than when I chose not to do it. Ok. that´s it for now. Sending you a cold but warm breeze from Norway:) Again, thank you.

Adrial,

You are truly one of the most soulful compassionate people I have ever met...well virtually that is. Just in watching your video clip, I can see your sadness. It's amazing what life has in store for us and we only grow stronger each time. We can't fear the unknown we just have to embrace it.... for whatever that is thats in store for our future.

I am in a circumstance right now where, I am too am nervous of my future endeavors as, I am moving from my hometown in New England to Florida by November and I haven't really told anyone yet in my family and the clock is ticking loudly. I know it will break my mother's heart and I don't want to do that, but my son and I are in need of some major positive changes. It's just the two of us and whatever is going to happen, I see the future as positive. We are ready to start a new chapter in our life!

So, Adrial its all ok, you'll be just fine. %%-

wow...you are so beautiful...and...not alone...thank you for sharing yourself so honestly....for beeing you...and for beeing on this planet....

you inspire me to walk and meditate in the morning - yes, seven is early for freelancers

...but i will also start...to get more intentional with my life.

...lots of love and a big hug...

Hey Adrial...my long arms are reaching out again ;-) and I know you will feel supported by everyone here and also those close to you.

I have done the hour of power (yes Tony has infiltrated the south pacific too lol) for years and teach others too. It has to be the best self nurturing and empowering thing ever! I would encourage everyone to do it every day...I notice it when I don't!

It's affirming to me that you are letting go this relationship with love. No matter what has happened in my relationships or how hurt I have been I have done the same...then there is a deep level of peace and power in the healing no matter how sad you feel. I have cried and felt angry and sad...but when I just feel it and not blame its lighter and healing is faster.

I let go of the relationship with my giver the same way. It may happen again in the future but it wasn't right for then and isn't now. It's such a powerful place to be knowing that's ok and that the sadness is replaced with gratitude in knowing him and still having a connection, just in a different form.

Take care of yourself and embrace the freedom of being able to let go with love :-) x

I know exactly what you are going thru.... Except mine wasn't as clean of a breakup.

I too have been spending a alot of time grounding myself and working out on a daily basis! Good luck with everything! From what I can tell your a great guy and the community you created and the open arms you give everyone in this forum really has helped me thru these challenging times! We're here for you!

Adrial,

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us and for being so open and vulnerable with all of us. Your willingness to be real and genuine is a gift to all of us. You asked me to repost my comments from your videos, so here they are:

- I totally get this - judgment = fear for me. As soon as I try to push beyond my comfort zone, I go into judgment of myself and, as you say, if I don't catch myself, that judgment (fear) can stop me from moving forward. Thank you for my "aha" moment of the day. :)

- Dating again with herpes adds another layer to the fear and the insecurity but all things happen for a reason and given the people I have met because of herpes, I am so grateful for the gift. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings and thoughts. We can all relate. :)

I look forward to watching your videos and sharing in your journey. We are all connected and your journey is our journey and by sharing and reaching out, we can all grow and become better for it. I, like you, tend to shut down and isolate myself when I am hurt but by reaching out, we can help to heal both ourselves and others. Thank you for reaching out and being an example to us all.

Warm Regards,

Brenda

My heart goes out to you, bro. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. I just finished watching your video diary. It felt like I was right there with you because I could feel your sadness, grief, gratitude, joy, fear, and excitement and everything else you expressed. I can relate deeply to so much of what you said for obvious reasons because I'm traveling a similar path right now. I want to thank you so much for turning a painful experience into an opportunity to share yourself deeply. It helps me remember that sharing deep ultimately leads to the type of authentic life and relationships I want.

Much love,

Brian

Thankyou Adrial, you are such an inspiration. This is once again walking your talk in real life, in one of the toughest situations we deal with. It's all very well talking about the way we want to be under pressure; then the thing happens and you discover you really are the way you intended. You are such a wonderful example for people who haven't yet learned the loving ways to break up, the rightness of life no matter what it's doing. Once you can do this. what you are doing now, staying connected and feeling, and not allowing drama or freezing your feelings to hijack your authenticity, new life is possible. I found this way of being has made me fearless in dating. Once you know how to lovingly heal your broken heart by staying with it, letting it feel as it does, it's not scary any more. It's still painful sometimes of course, but you know you are healing and will keep healing. This is also the cost of love, the pain we go through on breakup is the cost of being bold enough to take the risk of loving. I know you think it's worth it. Big love to you.

Hey Adrial: Once again, I am inspired by your commitment to be real and your willingness to be vulnerable. I'm grateful that you've invited all of us to share your journey. Much love!

dude... in the process of viewing your video journal. awesome idea. thank u for the opportunity to catch myself reflected in you, it's a powerful reminder that i'm not alone, that i can afford to detach from my solipsism and realize that there's a whole world out there filled with people who feel exactly how i feel, who are grappling with the same stuff i'm dealing with. i too went through a break up recently... it was bittersweet and peaceful, yet it left me feeling quite empty. your 5th day entry really hit home: "allowing yourself to be single, noticing the tendency to search for a new girlfriend." that i am enough all by myself is something that i try to sell to myself hard, and often... but the co-dependent in me loves that spotlight... LoL... but i also have never been in a long term relationship (nothing beyond a year and a half) and there is this neurotic need in me to find one... it's as if i have not been able to materialize or complete a part of me.

Thank you for that very real, very emotionally naked video. you got balls, bro!

Thanks for the inspiration!!

Carlos

Adrial,

I watched Days 5 and 6 and could I ever relate to a lot of what you were saying. I have been on a very similar journey this past year and for the first time, I allowed myself to really stop and feel what I was going through. One of the gifts of having herpes because a month after my ex left, I got the diagnosis. Before that I was always quick to find someone else and start the process all over again, but with herpes in the picture, it allowed me the chance for the first time to just stop and deal with some of my feelings instead of trying to smother them with another relationship. That pull to find someone else right away is pretty strong though, so I totally got what you were talking about there. One thing I learned was to not fight the feelings, but just sit with them, feel them, let them flow through me and eventually they fade. It's like the water in the river - it just flows. I also took myself on dates and did things on my own that I had never done. It can be scary and awkward at first but eventually I really started to enjoy it. I still do. It's fun to have friends along, but sometimes it's just nice to be on your own and do whatever you feel like in that moment. It's a great way to reconnect with what you really like because, as you said, you sort of lose a part of yourself in a relationship. This gives you a chance to try things out and see what you really enjoy. I think by reconnecting with yourself and really living in the moment and sitting with your feelings and making friends with all of them, it helps you to heal, to grow and to ultimately make you a better partner to someone else.

I know the videos may seem a bit like "work" but I have really gotten something out of sharing your journey. I hope you allow us to share a bit more of what you are working through, even if you go to a weekly update. I think we all grow by sharing. Thank you so much for being so transparent, so real and so authentic. Your healing is healing for all of us.

Brenda

Hey all! It feels so good to get everyone's support on here. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Beautiful cycle of love and support we got goin' on here in our community. I'm sorry I haven't been on this forum as much as I have been. I've been putting my all into creating and enrolling this upcoming Herpes Opportunity seminar at the end of the month (who would have thought putting a seminar together would take so much energy?). ;) So excited to bring this to our near-capacity group of participants!

FYI, I put up the rest of my video diaries on the original page if you're interested in seeing them:

http://herpeslife.com/watch-my-herpes-video-diary/

You're amazing.