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Do herpes outbreaks decrease over time?


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My understanding of the way this rigamarole worked was, your immune system gradually figures out how to "deal with" the virus, and your outbreaks become less frequent/severe over time.

 

I initially contracted HSV2 in May 2012, and had about one mild outbreak every month-6 weeks for the next year or so. They did seem to lessen in severity somewhat, and then after one in early Sept. 2013, I did not have any symptoms at all for 4 months. I thought, "Hooray! My body has figured this shit out, and I'll be one of those lucky asymptomatic people from now on." It's still a bitch having to disclose, but so much easier when you can say "I've had it long enough to where I no longer experience outbreaks." Freaks people out less, ya know?

 

Well, I've been seeing this guy from another state on and off for a couple months, and our texting finally got to the point where I figured I should get it over with and tell him. He seemed slightly fazed, but said it wouldn't stop him. And I busted out my "Yeah, and anyway I've had it long enough to where my immune system mostly suppresses it," so I think that may have helped. (I also quoted some numbers, but he declined my offer to send him the fact sheet. He just said, "As long as you can promise me you don't have breakouts, it's OK." I told him I can't promise him anything, that I'll have it forever...but that I hadn't had any in a while.)

 

BAM!! No sooner did we have this discussion, then I started having breakouts again! They are mild as ever, more of an annoyance than anything, and no one would ever be able to spot them visually...but the fact is, I've had three in three weeks! I even got a cold sore on my lip, which has never once happened to me (I have both 1 and 2, but 1 never presented itself til now).

 

It's a real bummer -- I was feeling pretty good, like "I can handle this, this guy still likes me and everything is gonna be OK!" But the flare-ups have me in a funk. I do everything I can to be healthy -- I take vitamins and lysine and exercise and eat healthy...but it seems like it's something out of my control, and that is supremely frustrating!!! 2 years into this, and it's not getting any easier :-/

 

What freaks me out now is, this guy is talking about coming to see me, and I'm so afraid I'll have a fucking breakout or prodrome RIGHT when he's here. I'm sure the freaking out is just creating stress, making breakouts MORE likely. Vicious cycle!

 

For all the long-timers on the site...what was your experience? Did your breakouts lessen over time? I need some reassurance!!

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Have you changed anything in your diet? Or maybe this new guy is getting you all excited and a little scared and your mind is working a little overtime taking away energy your body has been using to fight off your little bouts of herps. Rejoice in the fact that they're minor and inconvenient! And pat yourself on the back for having the knowledge at hand and knowing your body enough to spot an OB! Herpes can be a sign that you need to relax or change your diet a million different factors can go in to causing an outbreak. You've conquered the first step of noticing your obs now take a look at things that have changed and see what you can do :) if it is new relationship jitters just do your best to RELAX and they should calm down

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He just said, "As long as you can promise me you don't have breakouts, it's OK."

 

You could never, EVER have another OB and still be shedding asymptomatically - and you MUST make sure he understands that. It sounds like he thinks that you can't spread it if you are not breaking out. Most people think that you can SEE when someone has Herpes... if nothing else comes of this you can be the person who helps him get the info that none of us had when we got it....

 

I would TALK to him (don't do this in a text please!) so you can listen to what he is saying and make sure he is properly informed.... the way I put it is that he likely has been with women who have HSV who don't know it and got lucky that they were not shedding that day (AND, has he been tested for HSV anyway?? He *could* have it himself). I tell potential partners that in a way as far as the dating scene, I am likely SAFER because I know my status and I can take Acyclovir to control things and I know what my OBs are. You can tell him that most of the people on here got it from someone who didn't know they had it or lied about it, and YOU are trying to have integrity and trust by being 100% transparent about your status.

 

And yes they WILL lessen over time unless you do things to weaken your immune system - and our hormones occasionally complicate the mix.... but it usually settles down after awhile..

 

Good luck :)

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Thanks ladies! I appreciate the input! :-)

I did tell him the stats -- that he himself might already have it, and that he's probably already been with women who have it. And I did let him know he could still get it from someone who isn;t having an OB. I get the feeling he finds the whole conversation awkward and would rather not have it...but it's important he knows, so that he can't blame me down the line, I guess..

 

Arrgh, all this is so much freaking hassle it just seems like it would be easier to stay celibate and just get a vibrator!!! I mean, he'll probably turn out to be an asshole anyway....what's the point?! Seems like a lot of wasted time and energy that could be put to better use...ya know?!?

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Well, most guys like talking about sex. We like talking about the fun sides of sex. Lingerie, lube, positions, no problem. STD's? Pregnancy? Not so much. It's a downside of our biological make-up. It's an awkward conversation to be sure, but it's what separates men from boys.

 

Staying celibate has advantages, but after a while that vibrator just won't cut it anymore. There's a lot to be said for having human companionship in your life. And, in the end, life is one huge gamble. Those that stay at home and never take the risks never fully enjoy all that life has to offer. Sure, if you step outside you might get a bruise or a bump, but you might also soar to the heavens. You never know unless you give it a try, and I for one decided that I'd much rather take my risks with the bruises than develop couch sores.

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I get the feeling he finds the whole conversation awkward and would rather not have it...but it's important he knows, so that he can't blame me down the line, I guess..

 

If a guy isn't willing to have an ADULT conversation about this, then is he likely to be able to talk about other difficult things that you will come up against? Think about it :)

 

And if he balks again, I would say exactly that to him. Ask him if he REALLY wants a relationship where openness and honesty are valued. Many *say* they do but are incapable of dealing with it ;)

 

This is one of those things where Herpes is your Wing-man. Yes, he may turn out to be an immature jerk who doesn't want to have a potentially awkward conversation (I personally don't find it at all awkward any more because I approach it from an Adult standpoint of wanting to be fully educated)

 

(((HUGS)))

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My outbreaks have lessened, and I am recently diagnosed (less than 1 year). In fact, I haven't had an outbreak for 2 months. I can say for sure that when I began to come to terms with H, I was also coming to terms with my journey, and therefore with myself as a whole person. I believe there has been a direct link between my peace of mind, my immune response, and my decrease in outbreaks.

 

I have one rule of thumb I've decided to live by...if I feel like I'm swimming upstream, I stop, don't do whatever it is, and accept that it might not be meant for me until later, if at all. When I swim upstream, I get REALLY exhausted. When I float down the river in a tube, I get to experience EVERYTHING that is good AND challenging, but I don't wear myself out.

 

I hope you'll forgive me for being so forward, but if this man is already causing you to feel a lack of peace about things in general, perhaps you should press the proverbial "pause" button, give this guy a chance to decide how much HE really wants to be with YOU. Put the ball in his court and let him decide. The LAST thing in the world our hearts need is for a partner in our future to get H and decide to blame us because we couldn't control viral shedding between outbreaks. There are some guarantees we will never be able to make with H, and others will have to decide for themselves if our attempts to be open, honest, and responsible are enough.

 

I sure wish you the best, and hope that this guy is worthy of a heart like yours.

 

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I know they say your bodies built some what immune to the virus or used to I guess? And that should cause you to have less and less outbreaks or less serve outbreaks how long does your body take to build up these antibodies from when you have your first ob and is all of this really true?

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Yes it's true ... but there is no exact time frame for how long it will take for YOUR body to build up the antibodies. Obviously, some people have some sort of inbuilt ability to completely kick it down (those who never have a symptom) while others may take years to totally get it under control.

 

I've heard that there are people who naturally fight off HIV ... there are studies right now to find out why certain people can have HIV for 20-30 years before they have to go on the meds to keep it from developing into full blown AIDS. I think they found a marker on a gene that creates a chemical that keeps the HIV virus under control until the body gets weak enough in other ways for the virus to start to replicate.

 

I'm pretty sure that this is why some people barely (if at all) have any symptoms of Herpes. That, coupled with different natural stress levels, diet, age, sleep patterns, general health, etc, will cause a variance from one person to the next.

 

Herpes can give you the excuse/OPPORTUNITY to really look at your life/diet/health and really learn what works for YOU to keep you in the best health that you can through healthy eating habits and stress reduction. I attribute at least half of the reason that I barely have any OB's any more to generally keeping stress out of my life.

 

I personally think Americans are almost addicted to stress...they don't know how to live any other way... but IMO it CAN be drastically reduced. One of the main things is to learn to be TRUE TO YOURSELF. If there are people who are unhealthy for you, a job that you hate, or foods that you know are not good for you, find SOME way to get them out of your life.

 

If you can't get them out of your life (the people are family, the Job isn't easy to change, etc) learn better coping strategies (There are a LOT of great personal growth programs out there, starting with ***Adrials Home Study course and Opportunity Weekend!*** Shameless plug!!! ) to help you learn how to deal with life in a healthier manner. I attribute much of who I am today to Landmark Education programs ... they are not for everyone but they definitely worked to help me learn how to let go of what is not mine to worry about and yet be a force for what I believe in :) . I watch a lot of the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) because she has such inspiring guests on many of her programs (I LOVE Iyliana Vanzant ... anyone who watches her will see why she is my HERO when it comes to dealing with coaching and dealing with people ;) ) Some people love Tony Robbins, Eckhart Tolle, James Maxwell, Deepak Chopra, Don Miguel Ruiz, and there are plenty more. There are books, CD's, Podcasts, and tons of weekends out there that you can take advantage of to help with this part of your health/life.

 

IMO, this is where many people could do a lot of work to help their health. Emotional/Spiritual health is sooo important to helping your body cope with LIFE. Learning to create a different attitude to how life happens is crucial to creating a healthy environment in your body so that your immune system can function at it's highest capacity.

 

Hmmm - think I'm going to turn this reply into a blog ... but not till Monday. Got a long weekend of dance here with a Workshop Weekend that I am hosting...Gotta go! Hope this helped!

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To your point about Americans being addicted to stress ... here's an interesting take on it. This is a similar powerful reframe that we have created here through the Herpes Opportunity. It's all about the perspective that you CHOOSE to take on. Powerful. Powerful. We get to be in relationship with our bodies and our minds. Instead of having them be the enemy, they become the tools we use to live our best lives ...

 

AND ...

 

Near the end of the video, it shows us why being in this community, connecting with others and helping support others (even in times of personal stress) can dramatically increase healing on many levels.

 

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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As a 30something woman who has had HSV2 for about 3.5 years now, I can attest to the fact that the outbreaks and symptoms do indeed become more infrequent.

 

I noticed, in particular over the past year (in which I have not taken Valtrex unless I was sleeping with an HSV negative partner), that I have a couple of hormonal triggers (ovulation and menstruation) which can bring on an outbreak if I am not caring for myself (nutrition, sleep, exercise).

 

In addition to your immune system building strong defenses, you will learn what triggers your OBs and how to best stem them or shorten the OB.

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  • 2 years later...

I got genital herpes at 20. I am now 62.In my case, outbreaks are now only about every five years. When I was younger, about once a year.

 

I can offer some advice for anyone with genital herpes, from long experience. First, there is a strong likelihood you will infect anyone in a long-term relationship. Second, a a high stress trauma can bring on an outbreak. Third (and, this one seems nuts), polyester underpants creates a friction against the genitals that triggers an outbreak.Throw out the man-made fabric underwear, buy only cotton.

 

A couple other things... I've noticed that I get an unexplanable feeling of depression before outward skin symptoms appear. I also get a semi=painful twinge down the inside of my right leg. I assume this is the virus becoming awakened in the vagus nerve. The virus lives mainly dormant in the spinal nerve, but breaks out due to several circumstances such as what I mentioned above.

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Skokan, welcome and thanks for sharing! Good to have a herpes veteran in our midst. :)

 

And it's not a fair blanket statement to levy here about long-term relationships. There are plenty of people in long-term relationship who have not passed herpes (my last 2 relationships, just as one example out of many). And yes, there are plenty of people who have passed herpes, too. But the chances of passing herpes are very small when it comes to overall population statistics. So such a black & white statement as fact can't be stated accurately.

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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You may be right. I only know what happened to me. I don't think I would infect anyone between outbreaks, but I have never taken the chance. I would be mortified if I passed this thing on.

 

It sure put the kibosh on the relationship department for me over the years.

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I was diagnosed almost a year ago, and after my ex-husband of 15 years tested negative (we didn't use condoms), I realized I must have picked up herpes around 20 years ago (before I met my ex). I had no idea I had it. I just thought I was cursed with itchy genitals and recurring yeast infections.

 

Ever since my diagnosis though, I've had regular outbreaks every 4-6 weeks. I can only guess it's been at least partially due to the high levels of stress I've had this past year. It'll be interesting to see if those outbreaks decrease as I continue to come to terms (emotionally) with having herpes and learn to decrease stress. Meanwhile, I'm an example of someone who has had it for a very long time and still has regular outbreaks.

 

If the new guy in your life runs, consider it a blessing. I haven't re-entered the dating scene since my diagnosis, but I stayed way too long in a bad marriage with a highly critical spouse because I was afraid no one else would love me. Now that I'm two years post-divorce, I can say with confidence his leaving was a huge blessing and I'm much happier alone than I ever would have been with him. Hold out for someone who will love all of you.

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@HikingGirl Having gone through a divorce a couple years ago myself, I can imagine the stress of that process could've been a contributing factor to frequent outbreaks. Is it possible you could also be going through a hormonal transition time, like perimenopause or menopause, that may be messing with your hormones to a degree that it is triggering outbreaks?

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@optimist Absolutely--all of the above! The first year post-divorce was a dream--so happy to not have the tension. The second year was filled with a herpes diagnosis, figuring out who I am and what on earth I want to do with the rest of my life, my awesome and wonderful boss of 10 years moving away, dealing with the aging of my nearly-15 year-old golden retriever on my own, and since I'm 43, very likely some degree of perimenopause. I've started and kept up with a number of positive habits this year (eating better, more sleep, more time in nature, regular exercise, journaling, meditation, etc.), so I'm not going down without a fight! Thanks for your comments. Sometimes what we're blind to is really obvious to others! :-)

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@hikinggirl, I think that the decreasing outbreaks vs span of time you've had the virus is started after the first outbreak. Since you "carried" it but didn't necessarily have outbreaks until later, I'm guessing you're still going through that "new" stage. I do agree that the stress/age may have something to do with it.

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