Having the healing talk

It's astounding the roller coaster of emotions that a herpes diagnosis can cause. It's possible to go from absolute fear to unbridled euphoria all in a few hours. It's been like that for me every day this month and I still haven't figured out all the triggers. But, after last night the spring is back in my step and the glimmer has returned to my eyes. There will still be hills and valleys ahead, but I know they'll be a lot smoother from here on out.

I'd had a rough couple of months with the woman I acquired herpes from. It was a complicated one night stand that turned into a brief and stunted affair full of bittersweet memories, regrets, and angry accusations for both of us. Moments of passion spoiled by the presence of an STD. It was wrong. It was right. It was what it was. And, last night following the awkward exchanging of much anticipated blood tests confirming the absence of more serious viruses, it entered a new phase. It entered the healing phase.

It began with mutual apologies. She apologized for not doing it sooner, and I apologized for being so impatient in the past week. We both apologized for the angry emails and bitter phone calls. These apologies all came from the heart where apologies should always be born. We talked about the virus and how she still doesn't know how she acquired it. She had vague symptoms once years ago, but before she'd ever had penetrative sex. Heck, even my mom's holding out in her insistence that I never had cold sores as a kid, so we're thinking there's a possibility it's 1. But, I'll have to wait another month for a type test to confirm that. Either way, it will be what it will be and I'm not worried about it either way.

Once the hard stuff was out of the way. Once the nitty gritty about the naughty bits was cleared from the table, I looked her in the eyes and told her how if I could go back to the night we met and simply introduce myself and gotten her phone number, I would have done that instead. With that she stuck out her hand and said "Hi, my name is..." And, just like that we started over and became friends as the past was forgiven and forgotten with a simple handshake that lingered for a long while. Herpes was no longer an issue that was dividing us and tearing our hearts apart; it had become an issue that had strangely bonded us together.

Where it will go neither of us knows. Heck, none of us knows what is going to happen in the next hour let alone the next month or year. Wherever it goes we can both move forward with our lives again. As friends for now with a long road ahead of us that neither of us knows where, if ever, it will converge again. There's definitely a lot of attraction, chemistry, and interest. That much is obvious. And, not to toot my own horn, but apparently I'm a pretty good lover. We're just going to wait and see if the trust, friendship, and other things that make a strong and lasting relationship are there as well. We have the chance now to get to know each other and find out; just a couple of days ago, we didn't.

For now, I know that when I start to date again that when the disclosure comes to the table, I can tell whomever it is sitting across from me the story and that there's no animosity, bitterness, or anger in my heart over the diagnosis. It was sex. It was an accident that she would have protected me from had she known. And, in the end, she's still my friend. Life's too short to let a skin condition turn me into a bitter man and I have to believe that any woman I choose to be with from here on out will appreciate that.

So, why do I tell y'all this deeply personal story? I share this so that everyone can understand the power of forgiveness and how it is integral to the healing process. It's not an easy road. It's fraught with difficulty and pain. It's found high atop peaks with sharp drops on both sides of the roadway leading to it. It's a path full of potholes and booby traps, and so many of us travel the diagnosis highway and discover that it's easier to simply allow anger and hurt, fear and loathing to derail us and push us over the edge. Most times it just takes a simple nudge to do that. Sometimes you'll walk it alone, sometimes you'll walk it together.

If you keep on pushing forward, and if you can do it together with your partner, be it a one night stand or a long-term relationship, well I can promise you that the sunrise that awaits you both from that final peak is truly worth the view. And, in the end it's so much better to be standing there looking forward together as friends than to continue throwing stones at each other down in the valley where the sun never shines.

This is awesome my friend!

Learning forgiveness often takes a huge life altering event to make us see life and others from a totally open and vulnerable place. It's one of life's most valuable lessons that many sadly never learn.

(((HUGS)))

Wow, this is beautiful, bro. BEAUTIFUL! :) Thank you for your vulnerability in first of all having this kind of a conversation, for yourself and your own healing. Second of all to share so vulnerably with us. This is such a poignant example of how forgiveness ultimately frees us all to live fuller lives. It takes courage to let go of the anger and resentment, but ultimately, letting go of that allows us to regain our life force, our happiness and joy.

Great story of forgiveness. I know I'm one of the many friends here who look forward to reading your posts. Thanks Herry. Love, abc123

Glad you have been able to forgive @herry. You have been an inspiration to many of us.

My inspirations come from this forum and the people I meet here. Glad to know each and every person I meet. It's a big family and I'm thrilled to be a part of it.

Love this! Thanks for sharing! :)

Thanks Herry. I am really glad to have met you on here. Your way with words always seems to get me laughing. && yes I agree, i found out what I could have done to this fellow that I found out gave it to me. Then after I thought about it for a while I thought why would I do that.. No matter what it is not going to change the fact that I have this and he has this also. We are just human. He in the end apollogized for not telling me. I actually accepted his apology.