Where the story ends

I got herpes in 1998 from someone im pretty sure meant to give it to me. A angry woman who decided she would get even with me over some imagined slight. 7 days after contact with her .. i got a rash. as i work outside in the heat having a rash there was more common than uncommon so when it didn't go away until the weekend where i took 2 days off i assumed it was nothing. the only thing odd about it was the length of time it took to for it to go away... but appeared to go away when i did what you would do for a rash. i spent the next couple of years single.. where i began to notice that now and again. when i got that rash in that particular spot.. it took longer than it should have to go away... but no blisters.. so clearly this cant be herpes.. by 2001 when i began a committed relationship with ''jane'' i knew there was something not quite right .. but no need to worry .. it cant be herpes.. there are no blisters. Still.. i avoided sex when i had this rash, you know just in case. The second summer with jane while i was at work.. i felt my rash.. only this time it was different..it hurt.. it had itched before but never hurt, so sometime after lunch.. i ducked into the only private place around.. a porta potty and took a look.. and there in a place i had no business having a rash were 2 blisters staring right at me as if to say ''deny this moron'' ( port a potty perfect place for herpes confirmation btw) and instantly i have a huge problem: how do i tell jane: do i tell jane?: in my arrogance and ignorance i decided to keep it to my self ( here is where you all get to call me bad names)

I was told by a nurse you couldn't spread herpes unless you had sex with a outbreak, a completely evil thing to do... a thing i didn't do when i didn't know what it was.. certainly not going to do that when i do know... so my arrogance said i could control this.. my ignorance supported this. I began to avoid sex, and all things that might lead to that.. the women on this forum can attest to what that will do to a relationship.. she stayed as long as she could.. we broke up about a year later.

We remained friendly and because sex wasn't even a possibility anymore.. i actually began to talk to her more than i ever did when we were together.. and at some point i told her.. about my condition.. about what i knew about it.. i asked her if she ever had this symptom or that.. and she says no.. so at this point we both are secure in the knowledge that she doesn't have it. well as time goes by. she moves on to another.. as do i. and we lose contact with each other.

9 years later thru the magic of facebook i run into jane again.. she just got out of a 9 year relationship.. and i hadnt been with anyone for 8 years.... by this time i lived in a different state than her. well.. we began to talk.. and it was clear that this old relationship may be renewed... and just when i began to feel normal.. when i thought all was perfect she asks me .. ''was it you that told me that you had herpes?".. and..i lied. i said no no it wasn't me.. i thought why would i mess this up.. i have a outbreak 1 or 2 times a year.. and i wont transmit this.. i didn't last time.. why lose this over the stigma and fear of herpes and not the reality of it. So.. one thing leads to another ..i quit my DAMN good job and move back ''home'' to be with her.. ( ok before you women rake me over the coals... i still thought a this time transmission only by direct contact with a blister and since by this time i knew days before an outbreak.. there was no chance of me giving this to her and NO i didn't bother to research herpes.. i was single.. and had been for quite awhile there was no need in it, unless they came up with a cure it didn't much matter to me)..

So here we are.. 2 months into my new old relationship.. and things were just awesome. When it occurs to me.. maybe i should check into Valtrex.. if it will shorten my rare and short lived outbreaks.. why not?.. so.. i google Valtrex.. and a whole new world opens up to me.. google Valtrex.. decreases viral shedding.. google viral shedding.. OMG.. oh shit oh shit oh shit.. wtf is this?? I began to understand that i could never zero this out.. there was never going to be a 0% chance of me not transmitting this to her.. i cant control this. my ignorance and arrogance just put the woman i love with all of me at risk.. the numbers say.. 10% .. for days i poured over everything i could find about herpes.. and the more i learned the more i understood that i had to tell her.. yes ..im going to lose her.. if not for herpes for lying.. yes the i can get it down to 5% without her knowledge.. 3% if i ninja condoms in there now and again.. but never 0% and anything above 0 was to much. For the next week i had to keep myself from crying everytime i looked at her..it was near Christmas.. i didn't want to shatter our fairy tale at Christmas..nor could i bare seeing her feeling unloved by me.. so ..it just had to be done.

So on a sunday.. as she went upstairs to shower.. i told her we needed to talk.. . and i just told her all of it. from the beginning. just everything.. i told her the numbers.. told her she needed to be tested.. everything i had just learned.. and as she casually strolled to the bathroom taking off her shirt... i thought .. oh shit she is going catatonic on me.. i began to desperately try to explain to her the importance of getting tested.. that denial wasn't going to help... she gets to the bathroom .. reaches into the medicine cabinet and tosses me a bottle.. its Valtrex. as i read the label she says '' i have this spot on the outside of my thigh that was diagnosed as shingles.. until my dermatologist seen it and said.. that's herpes. . And she gets in the shower..... she says... '' you should have told me.. back then.. as soon as you knew''. i agreed.. . after some more discussion ..i came to the conclusion that it was probably me that gave her herpes.. i asked her if she was aware of this fact.. she said.. yes. and then i asked.. 'how can you not want to kill me.. or at least end this" and she says.. would it change anything about it?.. i said.. nope.. but how can you stay with me.. and she says because i love you.

i don't have the words nor the capacity to understand them if did.. that kind of love. I can only get up everyday and try to be worthy of it. knowing .. im going to fail. This is where my story ends.

Nah, this is where your story begins.

OMG what a beautiful story... and Harry is right.... this is where it all begins. And gosh, what a great story for people here who are afraid their love life is over.

So why would you think you will fail?

And BTW, you are soooo not alone in your denial and ignorance around Herpes. I'm in the generation that was told that we couldn't pass it if we were not having an OB. Shedding? Is that some kind of new kinky sex fetish where you do it in the Garden Shed? Yeah - I hear ya. We are dealing with sooo much misinformation and outright lies.. even the Dr's are behind on their info because the reality of what it is (a nuisance skin condition) isn't important enough to them to keep up to date. Until a Pharm rep comes in and convinces them to sell the next big Herpes drug, they won't bother to read up on it.

What a lucky man you are.

Your story only ends in that you are no longer living a lie. Yes, it is the end, but it is the beginning as well... :)

Peace

Whatsinthehubbub,

Wow ,what a story. Right about one of those that one want to "rake over coals" ...lol. But if u ever read through and learn my story, you would uunderstand.

You are very lucky for have a woman like her!!! I envy her ability to forgive and stay. :) I for one, could not, would not. Great story!!!

To dancer. Ill fail at be worthy of that depth of love. . Regardless of how well i love her back.. it will never measure up to that sort of forgiveness ,understanding and courage. No man could ever hope to match the depth of her heart. But ill die trying . My herpes story does end there.. it has dominated my actions long enough.. from now till i die my story will be of "jane and me" and the wonderful honest love filled life i hope to have. Herpes is relegated to just a thing... like money or time... something to be managed ,not something that dominates my every decision. ( funny how acceptance and knowledge make herpes next to nothing)

I am indeed a very lucky man. More importantly ..she is a exceptional woman.

Nicely said. :)

Beautiful story. I would also stay with the man who gave me it he didnt deny it and if herpes wasnt an issue for him.

funny how acceptance and knowledge make herpes next to nothing

Amen! :)

Unbelievable story hubbub.... Simply amazing. Acceptance and forgiveness like that is a gift. Many of us do not have a story like this, a story with a truly happy ending for both people. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Your story inspired me. Hugs, abc123

@whatsallthehubbub - What a beautiful story!

WOW a ((herpes)) fairytale ending. I hope I have mine. ugh. I am so glad you shared this. And congratulations!