Telling my boyfriend I have herpes ... HELP

I'm never told a guy/boyfriend before and like everyone else I'm scared of rejection. Call me crazy but I believe with all my heart that he will not judge me and still want to be with me. I've only been with one person and got H. He's been with close to 20 people so he could have something and not know it. I had blood work done but I don't know if they told me the results. This has been almost 2 years since I found out. I was broke out and that's how I knew I had it they told me from looking at me (HSV-2). I seen a comment about not knowing for sure if you go to the dr before 3 months of unprotected sex. How true is this? And if this is true can I not have hsv-2?? And I also would like to know exactly what to say to my bf because I kinda want to have a sex life again but I want him to know the truth first. Idk whether to go get blood work done to know for sure or to just tell him I have it. HELP

Honey, you should ALWAYS have your STD bloodwork done before you go into a relationship... but you have to DEMAND that you get Herpes, Chlamydia, and HPV when you go or odds are you will only be tested for Syphilis, Gonorrhea, and HIV. There's a great chance that he hasn't been tested for the other three either... in fact, there is no test for HPV for guys :(

Yes - you should have had a blood test after 4-6 months - and to be honest, the Dr should have swabbed your blisters and got a proper diagnosis when you first went in because knowing which one you have helps you to know how to manage it. You can't tell if it's HSV1 or 2 by looking at the blister :P

Read the disclosure posts on here to help you get comfortable with what to say...here's a few to start with

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2034/oral-hsv2-very-confusing-symptoms-anyone-else#Item_2

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2056/semi-success-i-dont-know-just-read-it-#Item_19

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2022/successful-herpes-disclosure-thanks-to-this-site#Item_7

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1793/i-did-it-i-had-the-herpes-talk#Item_7

So am I to understand you have not had sex with him yet?

Right I haven't had sex with him yet. I never got tested before because I was a virgin until 2 years ago. Losing my virginity, broke out, then when to the dr to get checked for the first time. Stupid me. But I guess everything happens for a reason. I'm just glad I haven't had anymore OB's cuz they are terrible!!

Ask for HIV as well sweetie, and insist he get tested. HSV and HIV are not standard when tested so you have to for it when go get tested. Good luck!! :) If money is tight, try planned parent hood.

Actually Aimee, HIV is the one test you always get - it's HPV that is often not tested for - along with Chlamydia and Herpes :(

And you can't test guys for HPV - there's no test for them yet - they only recently came out with a urine test for Chlamydia in the last few years for men :P

Wcsdancer2010,

I read somewhere that is a test; blood test for both on the DNA of HPV

And Aimee is right - Planned Parenthood is great. I had the full lot done a few months back - normal cost would have been over $300 - I told them I couldn't afford all that at once and they took a $20 payment there and then and when I got the bill it was only for $125. Been paying $25/mo to pay it off. Definitely use them if you need to.

They have a DNA test for HSV - not HPV

From the CDC.gov site

"Currently, there is no HPV test recommended for men. The only approved HPV tests on the market are for screening women for cervical cancer. They are not useful for screening for HPV-related cancers or genital warts in men.

The DNA test for HSV is the PCR blood test - sadly it's not available everywhere yet because it has the best accuracy :(

Okay, thanks. :)

I have an appointment with the obgyn in February. I guess I'll tell her everything and about my relationship and ask about suppressive therapy. Do I need to suggest blood work to be 100% sure that's what I have or what?? If so, to hold him off I thought about telling him that I think I have an STD and tell him that I'm going to the dr to find out. Idk. I feel stuck and every situation is different with different people.

I would suggest blood work. While you wait for yours, just tell him you want him to get tested before y'all become intimate. Tell him you are getting tested. One of two things will happen, 1. He will get agree and go tested and yall can do it together. :) or 2. He will refuse to get tested; in that case, you wouldn't want him anyway.

Yes - get the bloodwork. It's pretty certain you have HSV2 but you *could* also be carrying HSV1 (cold sores) without outbreaks ... in which case you would need to be careful with oral sex because you would assume you have it there until you have an outbreak swabbed to confirm it.

Did you ever get cold sores on your lips as a child?

I would just tell him you have not been tested since your last relationship and you don't trust that the last guy was clean so you want to get checked out for his safety. (And DO get tested for all that I suggested) That will give you a chance to see his reaction. And you should ask HIM to get all the same tests that I suggested. That way, you both start knowing exactly what you are starting with ;)

Again, you should ALWAYS be totally tested out before you have sex in a new relationship. I know the spontaneity is wonderful and all, that that's what got half the people here on the forum :p

No I've never got cold sores or fever blisters on or around my mouth ever. Knock on wood :)

You can always ask your parents - sometimes kids have them and the parents forget about that once they clear up... it's always good to know. I got it at 3 years ... HSV 1 oral is VERY common and is often contracted in childhood :(

I'll ask my mom and hopefully she will remember. I'm sorry that happened to you so young. But I'm sure you're well educated on it now being older.

Well the Oral HSV is common in kids.

This is just how common HSV1 Oral is:

The first infection (for HSV1) usually occurs between 6 months and 3 years of age. By adulthood, nearly all people (60 - 90%) have been infected with HSV-1. Of those who are seropositive for HSV1, only 20-40% have recurrent cold sores (ie, the rest never have oral outbreaks)

That's why I asked...because 80% of people have Oral herpes... but many don't know it. Better to be safe that sorry, eh?