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My Story looking for support and encouragement


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I'm new here and obviously we all know the reason why I'm here. So Feb 2012 I was at a party and lost my virginity to a friend of mine and it was unexpected but anyways I did it. In march me and the guy done stuff again just anal to be exact. And I broke out everywhere a short time after that. I called the dr hysterical and they saw me later on that day. They done blood work and checked me everything then they looked at me and told me I have hsv-2. I didn't want to think or do and I was so scared. And I haven't had sex since then. And I went back and told the guy I had it and of course he denied it but I really don't think he knew he had it. I'm just looking for support and encouragent because now I'm in a great relationship and I'm so scared idk what to do. I will post another discussion later about what's currently going on. Thanks in advance.

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@someone_20

 

First, welcome to the Forum. You are among friends here :)

 

Do know life will go on and you will have a normal life (what the heck is "normal" anyways? :/ )

 

So you say you are in a relationship now. Does he know about your Herpes status?

 

A great start for you will be to read the handouts and the e-book that Adrial has here:

 

Handouts:

 

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

(((HUGS)))

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Is the handounts on the resources page?? It has about disclosing and the risks, etc. No my boyfriend does not know. I'm not sure if whether to tell him or not. The only other outbreak I've had besides when I first found out was one blister last year because I was stressed about school. I took my medicine and used triple antibiotic ointment and it went away like the next day or two.

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You have to tell your boyfriend. It's the right thing to do. You also need to make sure you are using protection. Of course, even with that there is still a risk. Myself and many of the guys on this forum were rubbered up and still got nicked. Bottom line is that it doesn't matter if you are having an outbreak or not, you can be shedding virus at any time and you probably won't even realize it when you are. That's how this virus spreads and it's one of the reasons why 80% of people who get it...don't know they have it.

 

Read through the resources on the links above. There is plenty of information there for you to read and learn about the herpsie derpsies. There are also plenty of tips and suggestions on how you can discuss it with your boyfriend and educate him on the subject.

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The links are right there in my answer above - just click on them and you can print them out.

 

Regarding telling him. Well, here's the thing. Wouldn't you have wanted the other guy to tell you so you would have been able to make the choice of how you wanted to proceed with him? And how do you think he will react if he gets it. Because truth is, you are likely shedding some days and although there is only a 4% chance he will get it (assuming you don't have sex when you have ANY symptoms/OB's) YOU got it on your second sexual encounter. With a guy who you think didn't know he had it.

 

You see, Herpes is a slippery devil. Just because you are not having a noticeable outbreak doesn't mean that you are not SHEDDING...meaning you are contagious even without blisters. Meaning, he could get it when you *think* you are safe. So shouldn't he have some say in whether he is ok with that, so you can have a conversation about whether you get on supressive therapy and use condoms to reduce his risk (down to 2% with supressive meds and 1% if you add condoms).

 

Personally, I'm a believer in full disclosure. I mean really, you want a relationship based on trust and honesty, right? If you are not honest yourself, how can you expect to hold him to that standard?

 

And as others on here will tell you, in some states, you can be taken to court for not disclosing any contagious disease like Herpes to partners.

 

I think you know what you need to do.

 

(((HUGS)))

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someone_20

You have to tell your boyfriend, hun. If he cares about you it wont matter that you have H. If you can't show you care about him, his well being, and health, how could one expect him to care and respect you back. True healthy relationships are based on honesty and communication. :)

I would recommend you have him get tested for all Std's so ; 1. you and him know his status and 2. You can become suspectable to other diseases, virus', etc.

Speaking from experience, im here because my ex knew he had both HSV1 & 2 didn't tell me before we were intimate, and knowingly exposing me,put me at risk. Give your sweetie the right to choose.Give him the opportunity to be informed and make an educated decision. Include him in the process. Thats my biggest struggle is my ex maliciously took away my right to choose.

You can find many useful tools/info to help you along and many people here at different levels/stages in their journey with H to be helpful. :)

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The virus passes via skin to skin contact within the genital region. Condoms only cover the winky. They provide very little protection against Herpes. Condoms are not semi-permeable (lambskin being the exception.)

 

There are ways you can minimize the risk to your boyfriend.

 

1. Avoid sex during times when you might be shedding. Since you don't have OB's often, that's hard to know for sure when that is. However, many women report periods as a trigger for OB's. I see no reason to believe that it would be any different for you. Thus, avoid the freaky deaky anytime before your, well, time.

 

2. Go on suppressive therapy. This can greatly reduce the risk of your boyfriend contracting this to about 1%.

 

3. Use condoms. No matter how much he balks, how much he screams, there are far worse things than the herpers, and condoms are very effective against those. Plus, the condom will help keep your boyfriend safe as you can also shed virus from within your vagina.

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It won't go through the condom but you have it on your buttocks, right? or the inside of the legs? The condom doesn't cover that so it's useless for protecting him...at best it reduces the risk by 30%.

 

When you were single it was sensible to go off it if you were not having OB's but in a relationship, you may want to take it to reduce his risk. He should at least be given the option to ask you to take it...then it's up to you if you want to take it for him or not. It's your first chance at negotiating with him about what you BOTH are willing to do for each other.

 

And if, in the worst instance, he walks away, IMO that tells you he wasn't that into you... he just wanted to GET into you ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

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Well he told me about a month ago that the last time he had sex was about 2 months before we started dating. We starting dating in October so that would put him not getting any since around August. That's 4 months with him being without sex! To me that's a long time for a guy so I figured if sex was a big issue he would have already walked away by now.

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I'll be honest, I've had mixed results. My ex-hubby got it from me because in the 70's there wasn't the info we have today and I didn't know my "rash" was herpes. After divorce - 1st BF didn't care and never got it to my knowledge in the 3 years we were together. Next BF (also 3 years) totally freaked out at first - finally settled down after a month and chose to make it happen and I took Acyclovir for most of the 3 years and again he's clean to my knowledge. More recently I've had a few walk away but to be honest, neither were ready for a relationship (both were rebounding as I found out later).

 

You just have to trust it will work out as it should...that if he is meant for you he will work it out and stay. If he freaks and runs, that tells you he is not a stayer, he's a player. ok?

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Thank you ma'am. This relationship means more to me than my others. I'm not saying that I didn't care for any of my exes when we were together because i did. But this is the first time I actually didn't go looking for a guy ya know? And it's different, the feelings and the whole relationship. It feels more right I guess you could say.

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Well he may really care for you, but IMO if he is not there for you with what is, in reality, a pain-in-the-ass skin condition, would he be there for you with something more serious?

 

If he runs before you can show him the info, what does that say about how he would listen to you about other important things?

 

If he reacts like you have the plague, what does that tell you about how he would judge your kids if it happened to them when they were grown?

 

You see, there is a "positive" side to being positive. Herpes will show you who your real friends are. Who genuinely cares about you - warts (or blisters!) an all. And who is so closed minded that you wouldn't want them in your life anyway.

 

I'll be putting good energy out there that it all works out for you... and it WILL all work out as it should. Just trust that whatever happens it will end up exactly as it should.

 

(((HUGS)))

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