Passing oral herpes to my wife via oral sex - Questions

I have had oral herpes (Type 1) for many years with 2 to 3 outbreaks per year. I never gave them too much thought and for over 10 years managed not to transmit to my wife, probably more luck than anything. That changed about 2 1/2 weeks ago when I got careless (and stupid) and gave oral sex to my wife during a prodromal stage. The next day I had a significant breakout and was very worried about transmission to her. About a week later, she had slight burning during urination and about a day and a half of flu symptoms. After about a week, the burning is gone and no other symptoms. She has never had a cold sore in her life, but it appears that now she has Type 1 genital herpes. Her doctor prescribed Valtrex but said that tests are not accurate until 6 weeks have passed.

I have a number of questions that I hope someone can help me with:

- Is her doctor correct about the testing?

- Can she transmit genital to me and can I transmit oral to her, or does the fact that we both have Type 1 make a difference.

- Do I always have to use a condom now to prevent transmission?

- Does contact initiate herpes outbreaks?

Thanks for any info you can provide!

The testing can be pretty wild. It can take months to show up on a test. My doctor told me up to 6 months. Keep an eye on it. The good news is that if you did give it to her down below it's unlikely to cause any major issues.

No, you can't pass it back and forth. If she has 1 below, and you have 1 up top, that's where it'll stay. That said, it is possible for her to develop both 1 above, and 1 below right now as the virus isn't established in a location. It's rare, but possible. You've had HSV1 long enough you don't have to worry about your nether regions at all.

No condoms necessary.

Contact can initiate OB's in some people. It just depends on the person. Everyone is different. The good news is that if it does, that usually settles down in time. Still dealing with that myself, but I'm new to my virally enhanced status.

Hopeful:

First - Welcome to the forum!

Harry has it pretty well covered... if your wife actually has a blister, then you can get it cultured. Otherwise you have to wait 4-6 months for a reasonably accurate blood test. However, if it comes up + for HSV1 ,it still can't tell you if she also has it orally as well (ie, blood work won't tell you WHERE you have it).

Once you have established antibodies to the HSV1 it's rare to get it elsewhere so YOU should be ok. I would still be careful about kissing with an active outbreak for a few months until her antibodies get up and running.

Contact often starts up an OB for the newly diagnosed ...likely because it's never completely settled down. Use lots of lube and try not to create any raw areas for awhile.... rough sex seems to be a pretty big trigger for some in the early stages.

And you are right - you have probably just been incredibly lucky if you have had regular OB's. The good thing for her is that HSV1 genital usually settles down faster and sheds (outbreaks) a lot less once the body gets it under control... ;)

Thank you both for your comments. I was really stressed after I realized what a screw up I had made. I'm lucky I have the wife I do - she was not nearly as upset as I was. I have been concerned about her transmitting to me genitally and then a life of never ending OB's back and forth every time we had sex. From your comments, it sounds like I don't need to use a condom and that our sex should be gentle for awhile. Believe me, I will be very careful going forward about contact with an active OB and I know she will too. I'm hoping that if we can both do what we can to keep our OB's limited, then our great sex life won't be diminished to a significant degree. Is that a reasonable prognosis? Thanks again.

That's a pretty good assumption....

And take it from me, the OB's get less over time too - esp with HSV1 in the genitals... you'll be -er - back in the saddle in no time...LOL ;)

I like the sound of that! WC Dancer2010, I hope you know how helpful you are to those of us new to the site. Much appreciated!!

My pleasure :)