Herpes topic coming up at dinner with friends

Tonight at dinner with my friends, someone brought up how this one college has a 1 in 3 chance of people there getting herpes and then my friends had a small discussion about herpes and STDs. (None of the friends present know about my diagnosis). Nobody there has a clue that I have H1, but I just felt like everyone was staring at me! Even though they weren't…I don't know I just think it was weird for me to hear them discussing how "this certain amount of people" have cold sores and how "this person doesn't have any STDs." I don't know…it was just weird to hear people that I respect very much talking about something that they really don't know anything about. My one friend (who is pretty close minded actually) at one point said something like "oh my god gross!!" in reaction to some comment about herpes (maybe how one girl said that like 8 in 10 people have it and then you'll probably get it someday/already have it)…I don't know. I guess I don't really have much to say about it, except that I just wanted to tell someone who knows what it's like! I did text my sister and a close friend about it later, but it's nice to hear what you guys have to say!

A few weeks ago, I was telling a friend at school about this one guy who has been with a lot of girls and who had wanted to hang out with me. When I was telling her about it all, she was like "He's been with so many girls! He's gonna get herpes!!" Ha…some people! I mean she doesn't know that I have it, but still. It just really bugs me that some people are so…gosh I don't even know what word to use here! So…uneducated-about how common it is and how easy it is to get!!

I'm over the whole sting of what other people say about it. If this had happened 4 months ago even, I would have been really upset. Now, I think it's more that it's irritating to hear people be such downers about it. For me personally, herpes was always a word/issue that I stayed away from. Same with saying things like "that's so gay" or "retarded". I just think it's rude and being oblivious to those around you, because who knows-maybe the person sitting next to you has a sister who's gay or a brother who's retarded!

I agree there are a lot of people who say "ewe herpes" when they are only covering for their own infection.

It can be so upsetting to hear people talk this way. I bet you that some of the people at that dinner have never even been tested. If I wouldn't have asked for the blood test, I wouldn't even know I have it! If it comes up again maybe you should mention that its not included in the standard STD screenings and someone could very well have it and not even know it!

I wish everyone could learn kindness and compassion and understanding. HSV can happen to anyone!

and probably has

The thing is, odds are if you didn't have Herpes, you would have been part of the conversation ... remember how uneducated YOU were before you got this! That is the problem we are facing here and it's the reason Adrial started this forum/website...it's also the reason I came out of the closet and went totally public. Because I couldn't stand the ignorance any more. I'm sick and tired of people who have no idea of what they are talking about spreading more untruths and lies about what is really a pain-in-the-arse skin condition that happens to get passed on during something that they have all done/are doing and that 8 out of 10 of them likely have (knowingly or not). And certainly most of them in the room have been exposed to it and some just plain got lucky and didn't get it.

@sjj: This is totally up to you but here's something you could do to help stop the ignorance. Print out a bunch of the Herpes Disclosure handouts here http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout and take them to every OBGYN and clinic in your area... and ask them to hand them out to all their patients.... or at least those who are diagnosed with Herpes.... you may not be ready to come out, but we can each of us start an anti-ignorance revolution and those handouts are one of the best ways to start the conversation. You could also take some next time you meet up with those friends...tell them that you wanted to get CORRECT information about it and hand them the fliers and say... "Gee - maybe we ALL have it...have YOU been tested? Because it looks like noone gets tested for it.... and Gosh but if you had a cold sore as a child, YOU have Herpes! Wow. Maybe we need to get more correct information about this..."

You see, you felt bad because YOU are in the Herpes closet.... and a closet "is just a hard conversation that you have to have". http://www.upworthy.com/a-4-year-old-girl-asked-a-lesbian-if-shes-a-boy-she-responded-the-awesomest-way-possible You feel powerless because you are hiding from people with this. So perhaps you can put a toe out by finding ways of educating people about the TRUTH about Herpes... :)

Peace

Maybe we should assume everybody has it unless they are tested to show otherwise, that might change the prospective.

Given that 8/10 have it, that is a logical conclusion ;)

Wonder if those stats can be broken down by age with a sliding scale from like the age of twelve until 90. say its 2/10 by 18 going to 9/10 at 70?

I do know that out here in SF most of the people I well enough to discuss this topic are very familiar with it and have already had their exp with it when they were in their twenties are earlier. Kind of like getting the mumps or chickenpox. its just something that is annoying like poison oak but not life-threatening.

I think it was like that everywhere in the 70's when I got it... you are right - it was just one of those things and noone really seemed phased by it :p

I'm sure the stats by age group are somewhere...

BTW, interesting factoid: Back about 8-10 years ago, there was an article going around that said that the highest increase in STD's in Florida was in a retirement complex called "The Villages"... I bet a lot of that was Herpes... Seniors in very long term marriages had NO idea about STD's and likely many of them were carriers. Gives us all hope for our old age, eh??? LOL

My mothers who is 78 best friend since she was 4 years old lives there. The place is huge but they said its a lot of fun there. I heard Viagra had something to do with it.

Ya think? Newly "free" widowers+viagra in a situation where the women outnumber the men by something like 4:1 ... and at the time, no counseling about STD's = recipe for STD explosion. I'll bet it was a lot of "fun" there....LOL ;)

A lot of old dudes walking around in baggy pants showing off.