Alone forever?

Almost ten months into this, but didn't really find out until August... Diagnosed with hsv2.... I've been Ina a slump since..

At first I was mad n angry, then sad and depressed.. Now I'm Ina tug of war with myself.. I've read about my SKIN CONDITION.. I have a lot if the facts stored away for that moment I need to disclose, but that's the part I'm having trouble with..

I am afraid to even date... Not because of what I have but because of what other people think of it.. The stigma of the condition... As I've been thinking I've put myself in someone else's shoes thinking if I really started to have a great connection with someone n they disclosed.. Which let's be honest I've never had anyone disclose to me which it's hard to believe I haven't come into contact with it before..

But if they did, n I thought that relationship could possible be the one,

I'd embrace it n take the risk..

But this is me talking...

Then I immediately put myself back in my shoes n wonder why or when someone will except me for me... I'm not Ina a rush to find it or even looking...

But I often wonder are there people who would.? Or would it be easier dating someone who has it already? I haven't had anyone I connected with n I'm starting to think that either I'm burning my bridge before I have the chance to disclose, or maybe now the meaningful relationships are harder to find... I'm just really scared n feel really alone.. I'm wondering if there is really any hope to find that one who thinks I am worth that risk...:0(

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold your horses! Before you go assuming how your entire future will be because of herpes, think twice. The truth is, many people have created horrible, sad, lonely lives for themselves because of how they THINK herpes will affect them. When really, it just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: If we believe something so much, then we tend to magically create our experience of that in our lives. And it's not something really magical. It's just how our thoughts and beliefs interact with our subconscious mind. If we think enough thoughts of "I'm going to be alone forever" then our subconscious mind gets convinced of that as an indisputable FACT. And then when someone does come along that would be perfect for you, somehow you come up with a perfect excuse why the timing isn't right, why they would probably just end up rejecting you eventually anyway, etc. I've seen it time and time again in coaching my clients with herpes. And it's sad to see. Sad because it doesn't have to be that way. We're giving way to much power over to, yes, a SKIN CONDITION. :) We have way more control over how we experience our lives than we give ourselves credit for.

Here it is point blank straight from the heart: Your thoughts that you'll be alone forever are full of shit. :) Now I'm not calling YOU full of shit; no, I'm calling the THOUGHTS that you are choosing to put into your head full of shit. They're just shitty to entertain as a possibility. They might just lead you down a shitty, sad and lonely path as they have been for the past 10 months. Or you can choose to shift them. If we have a choice on what future we get to fantasize about, why would we choose the one that has us feeling sad and depressed? Any future is available to you. I promise you. "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." Henry Ford said that. And the guy knows more than just how to build cars. He knows all about the Opportunity. ;)

If you need plenty of proof that there are people who have success in dating with herpes, just check out the herpes talk success stories on this forum.

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/categories/herpes-talk-success-stories

And read the e-book if you haven't already. It's golden.

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

Also, have you heard the audio talk I did about rejection? It sounds by what you're talking about that it would apply nicely to what you're going through. Here it is. Listen to it ASAP! :)

http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/Herpes-Opportunity-Never-Rejected.mp3

And I'll be launching a video to the email list very soon that digs deep into all of this so we can drop the shame and live our lives with tons o' love and depth. Be watching your email inbox for that.

Big hugs to you, lamme. I know it can be rough going through a herpes diagnosis. I was in deep depression for YEARS. But now, looking back on all that pain I was going through, I now know that suffering for years was unnecessary for my healing. That's why I'm so adamant about making sure that all of us know that we don't have to suffer!

Hey there...

Completely understand where you are coming from. I am new to this too and I often get these thoughts as well... but as Adrial says we do have a CHOICE. We can either let it dictate how we feel about ourselves and our lives.... or choose to use it as a positive. HSV is more than just viral shedding.. it should be about shedding our fear, shame and insecurities.

There are many wonderful people on earth who live entirely happy lives irrespective of their circumstances..some are just born or brought up that way while other use the challenges in their lives to become better human beings. So its not that we have HSV but how we deal with it that makes us who we are (or will be).

Fear, shame and insecurities were things that I had from before. HSV did not give it to me. What it has done is bring these to the forefront and make it more apparent. It is sort of a placemarker for all that I need to accept and remove. So from now on lets shed some of that fear and shame along with the virus :P!

Cheers and hugs!

P.S: Came across this yesterday: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/20/brene-brown-shame_n_4282679.html?utm_hp_ref=own&ir=OWN

Iamme:

First, I want to say I totally hear you....it's easy to think that Herpes will make you unlovable. But there are may things that people can convince themselves that make them "unlovable".

I know a woman who is incredibly beautiful... slim, tall, beautiful smile and a beautiful dancer (I'm a Swing Dancer). When we walk into a room (and I know I am not a "bad looker") - men naturally flock to her. Yet she has SUCH a low self esteem - it doesn't matter how smitten a guy is with her (and I've seen several) she will find something they won't like about her...her "Achilles Heel" is her knees ... she has a little loose skin over her knees. And she drives me (and many of our friends!) NUTS because we see her sabotage many possible relationships over that and her perception that there will be someone "prettier, younger, more beautiful" that will come along and take the man away.

We all have things that we can convince ourselves that will make unlovable. But if a person really, truly love you for YOU, it won't matter for them. And that is the beauty and the Opportunity of Herpes. It acts as a filter for the shallow people, for the ones who may really "like" you but who (in reality) are "just not that into you" who you might hook up with anyway in the heat of the moment (only to be told later that they just want to be friends), and it makes you stop at think about whether the person deserves your trust before you disclose ..... if they don't deserve the trust to be told, they don't deserve to become that intimate with you.

I had 2 relationships with HSV- men that didn't work out because of other things. One DID take awhile to get beyond the H+ issue (because of his ignorance...thankfully his Dr. put him straight) but once he got over it there was never an issue about it. In fact, he would have married me but I realized he was not the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and we are still good friends. And yes, I have my down days around it because lets be honest, none of us would ask to have this extra hurdle to go through with a new relationship (there are plenty of others to get through too!) but it is what it is and I have come to believe that H will be one of the things that helps me to see the true character of a man. I choose to use it as a filter, rather than as a wall. As Adrial said, it's all about perspective, or as someone put it on here... ya gotta get rid of that "Stinkin Thinkin" ;)

(((HUGS)))

And Adrial, I can't WAIT for that video!!!!!

Equanimous:

"HSV is more than just viral shedding.. it should be about shedding our fear, shame and insecurities. "

OMG - LOVE LOVE LOVE! Thank you for that :)

Thank you adrial for knocking alil sense in my head... I've been on a rough road as I think we all do... For awhile the road was smooth, and from time to time it gets real bumpy... As I read ur post I felt tears role down my face for thinking so poorly of myself... It's been so difficult for me, n sometimes a lil release and a hand is sometimes all I need... Thank u for that.. And as much as I know I have special qualities about who I am, sometimes my head and my heart aren't on the same page... I recently disclosed to someone I loved and even though I know it wasn't because of herpes my mind told me it was.. When truly I knew he didn't love me Ina way I needed him to... But rejection had me thinking I wasn't enough n then on top of it put risking his health with it...

I have used my skin condition as a filter, just haven't found anyone to trust yet.. And at times does seem impossible... At times... When adrial said woah woah woah I felt this feeling like I was being scolded... lol n it came into perspective...

Equanimous thank you for letting me know from time to time it happens and there is a huge light to be seen, in myself and in others - *heart* - huge hugs to you

Wcsdancer2010 I take great care of myself and when doing so I put a great deal of stress on myself.. Believing that no one would think I'm worth the risk.. It probably has a lot more to do with me and my skin condition.... I realize I get very unnoticed outbreaks n I go thru this type of ordeal everytime... It hits the soul for me.. N i really appreciate you telling me some of ur life to make me realize people will love me for me, I just pray that when I go thru this again, I do my best to remember... That I should use this as a filter more often than a wall...:0) thank u for the love and support.. I really don't know what I would do without this forum... As much as this site helps me thru all if this, in my town I feel so alone.. Like I'm the only one...

So xoxox xoxoxox to all of you!!!

"I just pray that when I go thru this again, I do my best to remember" ~ lamme34

It's been said that "to reach into another persons suffering means to keep ours in perspective"

When I share from my own experiences in first person, when I offer someone positive, validating truths about themselves when they cannot see them, when I allow myself to give instead of always receiving, I realize that everything that feels overwhelming on my journey can be used for good, so it is never completely "bad".

I may not like feeling lonely at times, but I don't ever HAVE to be alone unless I choose to be...esp when it comes to H. What a blessing this site is!

Welcome, friend!

Thank you aerial2013 reading along u are right, sometimes other peoples perspectives shed a lil light into our own..

"I don't ever have to be alone unless I choose to be" I guess sometimes i let this skin condition control alil to much of my emotions... N I let it become me...

Adrial has me thinking alil deeper in who I am... As a whole n not this disease...

<3

Adrial, and this amazing site serving to connect us to each other has helped/is helping all of us think a lil deeper, thank goodness, huh?!?! :-)

Omg I would be lost with out this kind of support... I thank god for adrial and the love I get on this site..:0) sometimes I'm speechless when I read posts<3

Oh, I hear ya loud and clear! ditto!

<3

Lamme

I'm currently having my forth outbreak this year, I've had hsv1 on my genitals for 7 years now. This has been the most outbreaks I've ever experienced one after another. Yesterday I was in the worse depression over it. This website has helped me see this SKIN CONDITON differently. Yes, I'm still blah about it all but it helps to

Know you're not alone. All the feelings you're feeling, so many people feel them too. Just know you're loved and you're special. Herpes doesn't make you who you are it's just something life threw at you and it will get better. My fiancée knows I have herpes but when I get an outbreak I never tell him and I hold all my frustration and saddens to myself. Last night I told

Him I had another breakout. He was so understanding and made me feel so much better about it. If you don't have a person like that in your life then you can always talk to me about it and we can turn that frown upside down! Xoxo

Xtina - Sooooo glad you finally shared with your fiancee about the repeated outbreaks! I bet he was glad to know that was why you are in a funk.... ;)

He was! He's like babe ill love you no matter what, I want you to tell me when something is bothering you. He told me that when I have an outbreak we can just kinda laugh at it and say oh the herpes came to visit me again. He made me feel so much better. I'm still trying to move past

It all and I know that will come with time. But being open and honest truly sets you free. Thank you for the encouragement!!

^^^^ ***Doing the happy dance over here for you ***

YES... perhaps this is what Herpes was sent to teach you, eh?

(((HUGS)))

Haha maybe so! It's teaching me a lot about myself and that's a positive thing instead of negative. I also made an appointment with my doctor to try suppressive therapy to see if it helps my monthly outbreaks I've been having and to get me through this wedding planning. Thank you again. You really did help me with all of this! I can't thank you enough! Xoxo

Wow, Xtina420! HOPE...mmm, wow! To know men like this are out there!!!! You are both so blessed to have each other! Congratulations!

Thank you Aerial! I'm very blessed to have him in my life. It's just my own thoughts in my head that I beat myself up with. To know I'm not alone and to talk to people in the same situation is helping me so much! And yes, there are guys out there that will love and care for you no matter what!

Xoxo

Thank you xtina420 u have given me a huge smile at the end of my bad day... To know that u have someone who truly cares about you is a light in my dark tunnel I've created... I guess for me im scared to find that one... N possible rejection.. N I guess then he wouldn't be for me...

But thank you for saying ud help me cuz I don't have anyone to talk to about except my mom n she's not much help... So it's totally needed!!! Xoxoxoxo just knowing everyone here has felt the same way n has possible true positive stories gives me such belief this bumpy road lol will smooth out eventually .... Xoxoxox thank u

No problem!! Your soul mate is out there! Trust me!! And he'll love you and the H!! Because when it's true love they love everything about you. I still get depressed about it but I'm trying to stay positive. I even have a guy who doesn't care that I have it and i still stress myself out sometimes about it all. It truly has helped me so much talking to others on here who face the same situation as me. If you ever need to talk I'm here for you!! ALWAYS!! It's like our own little H club! Haha xoxo

Yes it's a great feeling to know I can talk to someone who shares this same problem...

But u also have someone who loves you enough to see this lil problem as just that little... God I pray everynight that when time comes for me to disclose it's not a nightmare n he is a instead a dream come true... Adrial said he felt like he had a huge h on his head... Atleast when I am in here it doesn't represent herpes we all have heroes... Just like you... Thank you xoxoxoxo

Your welcome!! We're in this together!! When the time comes for you to disclose it to a partner let me know! I'll be here for you!

Xoxo

Omg thank you so much!!! Needed that <3 love love love you xtina420

oh n btw I think ur partner received a great girl too, just saying :0)