Falling apart

So I need to vent and I figure here is the best and only place I can do that I feel like my whole life is falling apart I was finally in a place in my life that I was happy I was In a really rocky relationship which brought a lot of unhappy for all of my teenage years finally I was strong enough to leave and I did and it was te best choice I've ever made Then I found my boyfriend as of now and he's amazing the best thing that could have happened to me we've been together for over a year and i can't picture myself with anyone else and I don't want to he makes me feel like I'm on top of the world and no I don't need a man to feel good but who doesn't want a love like that it doesn't come so often so when you find it you never let it go there's so many men out there that are jut horrible to there wives or girl friends and I have a really amazing man. Then I was diagnosed and my whole world fell apart at first he was scared but stood by me and is still he says he's not going anywhere he loves me and would never leave me because of this but we have a very intimate relationship were never young I'm 22 and he's 26 so out sex life was at its peak before this we couldn't keep out hands off each other sorry to be so blunt. I had my 1st outbreak oct 20th by the 29th I was blister free. But I feel like eventually he's going to loose interest in me and want to be with someone he doesn't have to tip toe around he's been a little distant because we have to restrain our selves we still spend almost all our time together but the affection isn't there lik before because I'm afraid I'm going to set him off and not be able to fulfill what I'm supposed to as a girl friend if you know what I mean I know there's other ways but I miss the connection out intimate connection it's so frustrating sex is so painful for me an I don't know why it's driving me crazy I feel like h is going to ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sorry for going on and on I'm sure no one wants to here my sob story but I needed to just vent. :(

Sab123, hang in there! Foremost, kudos for walking away from the relationship that made you unhappy that is such a hard thing to do. I'm so sorry you're having such painful physical complications, having to cope with this condition is difficult enough without it lingering after the OB has healed. I feel your pain, I'm 23 myself. You're right, we're young, sex is an amazing and important part of a healthy relationship but it is by no means the only part. If he cares about you (and it absolutely sounds like he does!) he will want to work through this and help you get back to a normal sexual relationship. In the end it might even make the intimacy that much deeper, bringing you two even closer.

First I'd say talk to your gynecologist, it's important to make sure this pain isn't caused by something clinical like an internal outbreak or an infection. If it's not then ask about the other options available. In my last relationship I had a lot of trouble with painful intercourse. It had nothing to do with H, but it presented in a similar way to what you described. My gyno was so helpful, she talked to me about how my mental and emotional state effects my body's ability to properly respond to make sex enjoyable. Please excuse me being graphic, but if you're constantly worried about pain, or stressed about things, your body wont relax and adequately lubricate which will make intercourse uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor questions or for help with this issue, they are such a valuable resource.

This diagnosis is a heavy thing to deal with, we have gone through (or in my case are still going through) a wide range of emotions. But it is also hard for those who care about us to know how to react. And sometimes our loved ones take a step back rather than risk doing or saying something wrong. Tell your boyfriend exactly how you're feeling and what he can do to support you. It might just be that he doesn't know. Don't let herpes take away the faith and confidence you have in your relationship, or in yourself as a woman! And if venting here is what you need to do to heal, do it. It's not a sob story, it's the first chapter in your success story. *hugs*

Oh my....... I can soooooooo hear your pain and frustration. I wish I could be there to give you a big, fat hug right now, because I know you could use it. So, as I have said before.... BREATHE. Take a big, loooong breath in and then exhale nice and slow. Did you know that it is almost impossible to tense up when you exhale??? I bet you are holding your breath and doing a lot of shallow breathing right now..... so before you read any more, take another long, deep breath in, and then exhale nice an slooooow..... keep doing that until you feel calmer, then read on :)

First - let me put a little perspective on this. You have been diagnosed for just over 1 month. In the grand scheme of things, one month is very little time.... I know right *now* it doesn't feel like that. But I just want you to think on that a bit.

Second, If a man cannot deal with one month of "hard times", he wont be there for something that is a real, true life changer.... accidental pregnancy, cancer, financial hardship, death of a loved one, etc. But he IS staying and he IS supporting you as best as he can. He can't understand how scary and frustrating this is for you, but he is still there for you. He may really want to have sex with you, but he is willing to do what "works" for now. It is YOUR fears that are running the show right now. HE has already gotten over his fears and has committed to stand by you. You have to believe those of us who are further ahead in this journey that you WILL be ok and you WILL have a normal sex life again. As I see it, if H "ruins the best thing that ever happened to you", that it will be because you allowed your fears to run the show. I would guess he is "distant" because he feels helpless (and men HATE to feel helpless!) when those fears spill over into your relationship and he can't "fix" it for you.....because only YOU can work on overcoming your fears.

So vent away over here when you need to, but keep reading the success stories and *try* to understand that you will be just fine in the long run. That this is just a speed bump in your life. And hopefully you will be on here encouraging someone else who is feeling like you are right now with YOUR success story :)

Peace ....

PS: I know when you are young, you think us "old folk" don't have mad crazy sex or we don't have sex on a daily basis, but some of us *would* if we had a great man in our life! So I totally get your frustration. I'm still waiting to find "him" ... ;)

Peace said:

"she talked to me about how my mental and emotional state effects my body's ability to properly respond to make sex enjoyable. Please excuse me being graphic, but if you're constantly worried about pain, or stressed about things, your body wont relax and adequately lubricate which will make intercourse uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor questions or for help with this issue, they are such a valuable resource."

EXACTLY! I believe I wrote that to you in another post. If necessary, get some counseling too ... you may need some help with learning how to cope with the emotional stress that you are under even more than the physical issues from the outbreaks .....

"It's not a sob story, it's the first chapter in your success story. *hugs*"

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Thank you both for everything you said your both right and made me feel better it's just all so stressful and scarey right now i feel like I just keep getting pushed down this hasn't been a good couple of months and it's just one thing after another

First of all, I'm sending a huuuuge internet hug right now because I know how scary it is to be afraid you'll push away someone who you care so deeply about over something you have zero control over. Let me tell you one thing: your life is a journey. It is going to have ups and downs and twists and turns and it's going to stop and give you whiplash but it is so important that these things teach you something about YOU. Our goal in life should to keep growing and learning and this experience, no matter how sucky at first is going to teach you that above all, YOU need to love YOU. No mans love will ever compare to that.

What you feel might ruin you will actually be the thing that sets you free and filters all the crap out of your life, I promise you. After all the initial suck, you will see things a lot differently and your priorities will change. You will realize how important it is to feel confident, to enjoy your life, to have all the experiences you dreamed of. To not allow anyone or anything to take make you feel bad about yourself, to be kind to and take care of your body. You will see what you really want out of life and who knows, maybe that doesn't even include this guy!

As long as you have the courage to be your own hero and love yourself above anyone else, you will be fine and the fear will become a dull nagging thought that only appears when you're launching head first in a new adventure. Never stop wanting the best for YOU. Make yourself so strong that even if it doesn't work out with this guy, you will still be hopeful and excited about the day your real Prince Charming shows up. If he leaves over this, then you are much better off without him. I wish you so much luck and strength and healing!

@WCSDancer2010

"PS: I know when you are young, you think us "old folk" don't have mad crazy sex or we don't have sex on a daily basis, but some of us *would* if we had a great man in our life! So I totally get your frustration. I'm still waiting to find "him" ..

AMEN!!!! :-D

How do you make a devil on here...

*grin* :D :D :D