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Need detective help! Can't figure his out!


roxy17

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Hi. I was diagnosed with herpes 2 back in July. I have only had one partner for over ten years, so naturally I suspected I got it from her. I don't have herpes 1. I was given the blood test. So my partner got tested as few days ago. She has herpes 1, but not herpes 2! Wtf? How did I get it? What does this mean in regards to our sex life? I am a woman, btw. Can anyone tell me?

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Same thing happened to me. I had a partner for 9 years, no condoms, he tested negative for both. Most recent partner tested negative too, we were together for 3 months. I might have gotten it from the first person I was with and either was asymptomatic or didn't recognize symptoms and never knew. You might never know who.

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First - welcome Roxy! And (((HUGS)))....you are in a great, safe place to navigate your Herpes journey.

 

I just "Came Out" publicly about my status because I keep hearing stories like yours and it frustrates me about the lack of good, accurate information around being H+.

 

As Joyus said, you can carry the H virus for YEARS and be totally asymptomatic. And most people believe they have been tested for H when in fact it is rarely included in the standard STD tests unless you specifically ask for it. I recently talked to a woman who was married for 32 yrs before she had her first outbreak (caused by a bout of extreme stress) and her hubby is STILL H- ! She never knew she had it and has not had an outbreak since. So who knows how far back each of you got the H virus.

 

I got the HSV1 at 3 yrs ...likely from an Auntie or whatever giving me a kiss with an active "cold sore". I hit the jackpot when I had my first sexual encounter at 17 and got HSV2 (thanks to the fact that it wasn't discussed back then). If I didn't have HSV2 I could be out there passing HSV1 around because most people don't know that "cold sores" CAN be passed by kissing and/or oral sex :(

 

Regarding sex life, I am sure Adrial will post the links to the relevant conversations that have been had on here about this exact subject. The Handouts and E-book are a great place to start to gain an understanding of the likelihood of you each transmitting to each other, and what you can do to reduce the risks.

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

I would suggest you talk to your OBGYN/GP about Acyclovir, which can help you to reduce how much you shed the virus. Keeping your immune system healthy and reducing stress is HUGE. Knowing what your Prodrome (pre-breakout) symptoms are can help you to avoid intimate contact in that area while you are most likely to spread it to your partner.

 

And come on here as much as you need to (and get your partner to come on too) so you can get the support and answers you need. Just remember that in reality, H is just really a frickin annoying skin condition... it's not cancer! You are now in the 80% club (having left the 80/80 club!)... 80% of the population has H and 80% of them don't know it! So just know that you are NOT alone, and that life DOES go on after a H+ diagnosis...

 

More ((HUGS)) ... hope that helps a bit :)

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Hey Roxy and welcome!

 

You know, 15-20% of all people who have genital herpes actually NEVER have signs or symptoms of herpes outbreaks. They are carriers of HSV, but never do have outbreaks. Like WCS said, too, herpes can lie dormant for quite a while before the first herpes outbreak comes up, too. For a lot of people, the first outbreak does come within a week of first being exposed to herpes, while with other people it can take years. It took me 5 years before I had my first outbreak. How I got herpes was having sex with my then-girlfriend after she had cheated on me (I didn't know it) and I had sex with her during her outbreak. I thought I dodged a bullet because I didn't get an outbreak. It only showed up years later.

 

About your sex life, you just need to know the possibilities of spreading HSV from genitals to genitals or through oral sex (depending on what kind of sex you have). There's a 1% chance of passing HSV-2 to the lips, so her going down on you has very little risk associated with it on her part. The good news is that since you two have HSV, but different strains, your bodies have both built up a certain level of immunity to HSV, so it will be harder for her to pass HSV-1 to you and for you to pass HSV-2 to you.

 

Here are some relevant links for you to read over. And definitely if you have specific questions, post them here! We'd love to help however we can!

http://herpeslife.com/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy/

http://herpeslife.com/genital-hsv-1-herpes-and-oral-sex/

http://herpeslife.com/spreading-genital-herpes-hsv2-from-oral-sex

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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Thanks for all the great information. I'm lucky in that I am older and have no shame about having this. I think what's really frustrating is that my very good doctor and his nurse are not very accurate in the information they're giving out. I really, really do not want to get H1 from her. H2 is enough to deal with. What's odd, again, she has never had a cold sore, no visible symptoms. Now I don't want to kiss her. Horrible, but I just am scared. She also has HPV, which does scare me. Ugh. Gonna educate myself. That's the best thing I can do. Are there forums specifically for lesbians? Hetero transmission is a little different.

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Hey again, Roxy! I understand your fear, but also know that it has a lot to do with the stigma. 80% of Americans have HSV-1, so chances are if you kiss anyone you're going to be kissing someone with oral HSV-1. And hey, if you'd like to pay it forward, would you like to print out these handouts and take them to your doctor to hand out to patients?

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

And this forum is for lesbians, too. We're equal opportunity! If you got herpes, you're in! :) So yes, hetero transmission is a bit different only in that it has to do with genital penetration. But that doesn't change much as far as herpes transmission goes. If you read the handouts, all the same %s still apply to women "receiving" It just all depends on where you get your outbreaks and if that spot rubs on her genitals directly when you have sex. If you give each other oral, then it's different. What are the ways that you have sex with each other? I know it's different for different lesbian couples. And that will determine your risks.

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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Hey Roxy -

 

First, I hope you will take what Adrial said to heart about kissing your partner - 80% of people have Herpes and 80% of them don't know they have it. Your partner at least knows she has it now...she could take anti-virals (as you can) which will significantly reduce her chances of transmitting it to you. The HSV1 virus normally sheds a lot less than the HSV2 ... so if anything, you are more of a threat to her :/

 

Regarding the HPV - nearly everyone gets HPV at some time in their life. Depending on what you read, there are 40-100 varieties of HPV - a small handful causes genital warts, another small handful *may* turn to cancer (takes at least 5 years). MOST will disappear within about 2 years. This info may help: http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm

 

And Adrial is right - the numbers are the same for F2F transmission as it would be for M2F transmission. If you use toys, make sure to really clean them well and don't interchange them between you ;)

 

It would be awesome if you could take those handouts to your Dr ... if you really want to help to get the info out to people you could take some to any OBGYN in the area/planned parenthood, etc.

 

Hope this helps a bit. (((HUGS)))

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