How is this possible?

Hello! I've recently had my first OB and apart from reeling from the fact that I now have an incurable STD I'm left wondering how this is possible? I have recently started dating someone, who has sworn up and down that he had a blood test recently and came back negative for everything. As I was clear too, I figured there was no problem. You can imagine both of our suprise when I discovered that rash was actually H.

Mentally I think I'm over the worst of the shock, I have a long way to go before I feel 'normal' again or can accept myself - at the moment I feel like my confidence is knocked and even though I know I shouldn't, I feel 'dirty'. Which is ridiculous in logic, but, its how I'm feeling...

My "how is this possible" question is this - how, if he had a blood test that came back negative, can I have had an outbreak 7 days after sleeping with him? Prior to this guy, I slept with someone 4 months ago (protected sex) - I've read a lot that the virus can lay dormant for some time - it is possible that the guy from 4 months ago was the carrier and its lain dormant until now?

I ask this because the guy I'm dating now is feeling all this guilt and shock about passing this on to me, and he's away for work and can't be tested for another few weeks.

I feel your pain I am currently in a serious relationship for over a year and he is only my second partner before him I was with my first who I was with for 7 years and I'm only 22 so I never thought this could happen I no longer speak to my ex so I can not ask him and my current also swears up and down and I believe him my ex cheated on my a lot so I guess it is my fault but I just found out 3 weeks ago that I have it and it is the wort feeling in the world I feel so nasty and worthless but as the days go by when I keep busy I'm okay I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard I know one day everything will be okay I just want to try to be break out free it sucks and it not fair but now I have to deal with it forever I keep asking why me but then I have to think things could be worse atleast I will never have health problems or sickness just a rash that will go away just try to think of it as a cold sore on your lip technically it's the same thing and ppl get them all the time it's hard I know but I'm still getting over the shock hopefully I will feel like myself again soon and I hope the same for you

I'm sorry you're reeling. And I'm sorry you feel "dirty." It's certainly not actually "true" unless you really want it to be. ;) But thanks to the stigma, it can certainly feel like that sometimes if we believe the stigma's voice over our own. At the beginning, the power of the stigma tends to overpower our own opinion of ourselves. And this is a path of overpowering the stigma with a deep sense of knowing your own beauty. You will move through it all with courage and self-acceptance. It will all get easier with time. And we got you.

And 2 things come to mind about the specific questions of "how is this possible" ...

1. When you go to get an STD test and request to be tested for "everything" ... the majority of the time that doesn't include herpes. You actually have to say "I'd like to be tested for everything ... including herpes." I know. It's whack. But that's how our health system is. A doctor came to our in-person support group last night, and he said it's probably due to insurance not wanting to cover something as benign as herpes. Insurance will only cover a test when there is an active outbreak instead of swinging for a blood test, which is more expensive.

2. There is a 12-16 week period of time from the original exposure to herpes to when the antibodies in the blood stream build up to even being detectable on a blood test. So that's quite a window of time (3-4 months!) where a blood test can incorrectly tell you that you're herpes free when really you carry the virus but it's just not detectable (yet).

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-tests

Thanks Adrial and Sab123. I'm so glad I found this group!

Adrial - I'm from Australia, I have no idea what is tested for over here, but I'm seeing my Dr tonight so will make sure to clarify what is 'normally' tested for over here.

Everything you said around the 'shame' being in my mind and of my power to control is correct. I just feel a long way from being in control of this. It's definitely the virus that keeps on giving too - each day I'm waking up feeling different physically and mentally about this.

Sab123 - I know how you're feeling, and its easy to go down that rabbithole of 'I'm worthless', but ultimately we've just got to claw our way back out because the only ones who determine our worth are us. Difficult right now, but thankfully we've all got each other on here. Hope it starts to get easier for you (and me!) soon.