I AM TERRIFIED!

Hello,

I just got diagnosed yesterday. The moment I heard herpes a part of me died. All I thought of was "this will never go away", "im never going to be normal again", "I ruined my life", "im disgusting", "no one is going to love me", "no one will want to be around a person with this".

I currently have a boyfriend whom I believe passed it on to me, since I have only had 2 sexual partners in my life. I have not told him about this yet because we got in a argumet this weekend and we havent spoken since. Im TERRIFIED of his reaction. Im scared he is going to blame me for this, never talk to me again or say that im not clean or treat me like a monster. Im also hurt that if in anycase he did infect me that he didnt tell me on purpose or he wont care he infected me.

In fact my own mom is treating me like such. When I got the diagnosis I had to tell my mom the truth. "I am sexually active". I being active in church shouldnt be participating in sexual acts until marriage. With that being said my mom has been devastated, crying, calling me a slut, disgusting sick person, a virus. I know shes hurt. I know she is disappointed. But this only makes me imagine what other people are going to think of me if MY OWN MOM SEES ME THIS WAY!

I am desperate, devastated, frustrated, scared, terrified, lonely, unsafe, dirty....etc.

I only want to feel the opposite of all of the above. I want to form part of this community that can not only make me feel accepted and loved, as well as love myself again.

I would like to thank Adrial for his youtube videos that brought me here today and is giving me at least a tiny bit of hope as I am still afraid of this unknown thing that is new to me.

Also thank you in advance to whom ever takes their time to give me advice and support me through this. I appreciate it.

Thank you♡

Oh Hun I am sending you all the hugs right now ALL OF THE HUGS. You need them.

You are NOT dirty.

You are NOT disgusting.

You are NOT unloveable.

You ARE beautiful.

You ARE strong.

You ARE safe.

Most importantly you ARE and WILL BE loved.

I love you.

How can I love someone I don't know? Simple. I do know you. I've been you. We've all here been where you are, feeling lost and alone. You're not alone. I'm right here and so are all the other wonderful people here.

Read our stories. Listen to how somehow each of us made it through because we have. It might not be the easiest thing in the world but ya know looking back it wasn't the worst thing either.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath cause it's gonna be okay :)

Hey Valerie,

I can really relate to a lot of this. I'm 21 and was diagnosed with HSV2 about a month ago. I went through all the same dark emotions. The guy I was seeing, who I'm pretty much certain gave it to me considering my sexual history, stopped talking to me after I told him the news. I'm not sure what you're relationship is like, but HSV opened my eyes to all the negatives in mine which I had blinded myself from. I'm growing to appreciate HSV for being the only thing that could shake me into reality. I was not being treated fairly, and now because of HSV I will be more aware of who I am giving my heart to. How is your relationship?

Having had sex does not make you any less of a person. I was raised catholic and went to all catholic schools. I was always taught that I had to be abstinent. For a long time i thought that i would save myself for marriage, but somewhere along the line I changed my mind. Sex is in our nature, never feel dirty for it. Also never let someone else's believes effect how you value yourself. We don't all share the same beliefs and we don't have to, thats okay! We arn't all meant to follow the same path. What a boring world that would be! You have your own beliefs and values. We are all our own people, and you are old enough to make your own decisions. I'm sorry your Mom doesn't understand. Do not take it personally. That is her own belief, not yours. Sex being seen as dirty is just a social construct - "constructed", a choice of certain belief systems... you choose whether or not you want to take part in that construction. If you do that's cool, If not so what! It's your life, live it how you want. You're not a slut. Your not disgusting (how can a natural human act make someone disgusting?). You're not a virus, just like the material things we own don't make who we are as a person inside.

Trust me you will find a million things to be happy about if you try to push aside those horrible thoughts for even just a minute. I was there, and while I'm still new at this and have bad days sometimes, I've come a lonnnnng way from where I started! You will to! :)

Valerie!

Hey sista! I know that what you're feeling seems so real to you right now. Well, I promise you that MOST of it that's having you feeling like shit (about yourself and your situation) is a figment of your imagination. I'm not discounting how you're feeling right now, because I remember feeling that way, too.

Your feelings are valid.

AND ... you have these feelings because you're believing all of these horrible things about yourself and this situation. :) See how that works? You're in the drivers seat with this.

And I'll tell you what ... your mother has her own beliefs about what's right and wrong. Are you going to have what someone else (even your own mom) thinks about you dictate how you're supposed to feel about yourself? I hope not. I know on a deep level we're supposed to trust what our mother says to us. And I promise you, your mother is reacting this way because she loves you so much. Sounds kind of backwards, right? Ironic. She's disappointed because she doesn't want you to suffer. She doesn't want her baby to have to go through something that might hurt her. She's not realizing that her judgments and shaming is actually hurting you more. So work on yourself and your own beliefs about yourself so that you don't have to count on your mother to dictate how you will feel about yourself. It's a huge opportunity to detach from that and live your own life.

Here are some blog articles that can help you where you are right now:

http://herpeslife.com/no-one-will-love-me-since-i-have-herpes-and-other-fascinating-untruths-we-tell-ourselves/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-and-serenity/

http://herpeslife.com/the-herpes-self-acceptance-process/

http://herpeslife.com/seeing-seemingly-unwanted-things-as-possible-gifts/

Thank you all for your support and love. Im happy I found this community. Being here (even though its virtual) makes me feel a little safer and accepted. I appreciate it so much♡

Hi Val! Im so sorry your mother takes things this way, actualy I thought my mother would do the same thing and think very low of me but for my surprise, she didnt, she was supportive and gave me some consolation. I alredy think things are being difficult for me but I can only imagine what you going through. Well, we are not the virus, we are still the same people we used to be before it happens. We dont feel normal now but eventualy things will come to terms. Love u :)