New relationship: He has herpes, I don't ...

Hi. Newbie here, with questions...

I've met an incredible guy. He's just the right mix of smart, funny, respectful, polite, goofy, and compassionate--with a great smile to boot. We met online and spent several weeks texting/chatting before meeting in person, breaking all the dating "rules" by sharing very deep, honest conversations.

The pessimist in me didn't expect the first date to go well, but...fireworks. We just talked and laughed over coffee for three hours and parted with a hug. I mean, you know it's going well when he plans the second date before the first one ends.

Then a few days before our second date, he phoned to share his "disclosure," as he put it. He is positive for HSV types 1 and 2. He admitted how difficult it was to disclose that, how he's been rejected in the past for it. Frankly, my respect for his honesty and openness just increased tenfold. I agreed to go through the full STD testing--something I do anyway before a new relationship--and do some research. We still met for our second date, and it was even better than the first.

So I've been tested and am negative for everything. I've done the research, and I feel comfortable with the risks. But I do have concerns about the emotional effects of herpes. He is a wonderfully sensitive, emotional man. I worry about his feelings if we do enter a long-term relationship, become intimate, and one or both types are transmitted to me. As I said, I've accepted the risks because I'm really beginning to fall hard for him, but I do wonder how he'd react if the worse-case scenario happens. I plan on asking him, but I want to know if anyone has experienced this, or if there's something I can say to reassure him that I am honestly ready to take (safe and protected) risks with him?

Also, a health question. Knowing intimacy could be down the road, I'm wondering if there's anything I can do on my part to help reduce the risk of transmission. We both believe strongly in condom use, and he's on daily anti-virals, but I'm wondering if I should take steps to up my immune system (lysine, for example), or if that would even work?

Sorry about the long post. He's just extremely special to me.

Hi PhoenixGirl!

Congratulations on what sounds like the beginnings of a beautiful relationship. It's a breath of fresh air to hear someone not jumping headfirst into the stigma that's floating out there. I feel relief hearing that you see it in the way you do. Because it sounds like who this guy is outshines this little thing called herpes. Beautiful.

As far as reducing the risk of herpes transmission, what you mention are great barriers. The final one (and the most important as far as I'm concerned) is open communication. He will get better and better at sensing his prodrome symptoms. When he feels anything that might hint that a herpes outbreak is coming on, then he can let you know so you two can avoid genital sex (but everything else is on the table — see the video below).

Here are the handouts with all the facts and figures:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

Here are some related blog articles:

http://herpeslife.com/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-prodrome-symptoms

http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/

And remember, sex is still just as sexy even with the risk of herpes. It's all in how both of you decide to approach sex and intimacy. Because keeping each other safe is super sexy, because of the honesty and openness it creates. Here's a video on that: