In serious need of help

Last month I tested positive for hsv2, I'm having a really hard time dealing with this. I've been married for almost 15 years and have 2 beautiful kids. I got tested because I had a yeast infection I went and brought the over counter stuff and it didn't seem to be working. So I made a doctor appointment. By the time I seen the doctor it was gone but she checked me out anyway and she pressed on my stomach close to my right ovary and it was pain. So she suggest I get a STD test done. I agreed to it, cause I figured what the hell, no biggie. Well I was so wrong it came back positive for hsv2. I told my husband and I had to be honest with him. I haven't cheated, all I could think of was that I was raped 4 years ago and I didn't tell anyone. I know I should've but I was ashamed for whatever reason so I dealt with on my own. It wasn't the 1st time I was raped and I dealt with it on my own. So I felt like I could do again. Of course I know I can't and I'm not the one to really open up about personal things about myself. Now not only do I have to deal with having this STD, I have to deal with my raps as well. And it hard as hell, I haven't had an outbreak. My husband I don't know what is going on with him because it's been a month and he still haven't want and got tested. I don't want him to have it, of course, he told me that he will stick by me. But now I noticed change in him. Of course we haven't been sexually active, he doesn't drink behind me. He don't touch me and I feel like crap. I feel nasty and dirty all the time any little itch down below, a pain or anything I'm freaking. But I'm freaking out alone. I don't allow my kids to eat or drink behind me anymore. I don't have oral herpes. I tried explaining that to my husband but I can see that he is uncomfortable when the kids grab my drink. It makes me feel like the worse mother in the world. I did tell my sister only because the day after my results I had a break down and I couldn't stop crying so my daughter called her. My sister called my husband so he convinced me to tell her. Then to my surprise she told me that she and her husband have it. And it make me feel

2% better. I don't want this thing to take over my life but it is. I snap on my family cause I'm so pissed that this happened to me. I know it's not there fault but I just want my life back. I feel stuck, like I don't know who the hell I am anymore. I might eat one meal a day, my daughter has notices a big change in me. And that kills me she graduates in 2 weeks and I'm a total mess! I'm letting myself go, I know I am and I don't even care. Since the 2nd rap I've gained so much weight, now I'm starting to lose the weight because I'm so stressed out about about this.

Like I stated before I've never had an outbreak, just a yeast infection maybe 1 every other year. Never seen a blister or open sore down below. So I really don't know what to expect when I do have one. My doctor said I will know because I will burn like crazy, I've freaked myself out because I look at those horrible pictures online, that was a mistake for sure. I did talk to my doctor about it and it helped a little but not much. I just need serious help dealing with all of this cause it's to much for me to bare. I feel so alone and my mind is always racing about it to were some nights I don't sleep. I honestly don't feel comfortable in my own skin anymore. I just want to be happy again and not just going through the motions and fake having fun with my life. I've read so many articles about this and I just don't see how I'm going to be happy ever again.

You have a lot going on at the moment, but thankfully you are able to work through most of it. First off, fear is the absence of knowledge. Everyone fears the unknown. This is why children are scared of some things most adults aren't. You may need to educate yourself more on HSV2 so you're comfortable. If you're not comfortable with it, how do you expect others to feel?

As far as HSV2 its' not a big deal. It's really not. It will not impact the longevity of your life and at the end of the day it's an unfortunate skin rash that can be annoying. Also, the first rule of the internet, don't believe everything you see. The graphic images you see are the rare exceptions opposed to the rule. There is a reason 90% of people who have it don't know they have it because symptoms are relatively minimal if they exist at all, they typically decrease with time.

As far as transmission to another, the only people who you have the potential of transferring this to is someone you're intimate with. Of course, there is a chance your husband is part of the 90% who already has it. If so, your life should be relatively back to normal in regards to having HSV2.

If he doesn't, there is a approximately a 4% chance annually that he may eventually contract HSV2 as well if you go au naturale. If you want to reduce that even more, take a daily anti-viral or he can choose to wear and condom and knock it down to 2% annually. Do both and it's a 1% chance annually. So if you were to have sex with 100 men for a year regularly, statistically speaking only 1 person would get it. That's pretty low. Then as I mentioned before, let's say he does get it...oh well, it's far from the end of the world if you're married.

Finally, my recommendation it just to take a moment and then decide you're going to make positive choices for yourself instead of unhealthy choices due to stress. Start eating better again, maybe go the gym or do some physical activity, and try to think positively. The toughest part of this is mental and as soon as you work through that (it varies by person) you'll be back to having fun and enjoying life again.

Hope this helps!

Thanks so much for replying back. Do you have any suggestions for a good website so I can educate myself and my husband. Cause we don't talk about it all, and that isn't helping either. I know once one day I will be able to accept this and move on from it. Just so shocking to me

@Happen2me,

Hello, truly sorry you are going through this. If you haven't visited it yet then I recommend westoverheights.com as a good source for learning about herpes. It sure has been very useful for me. The lady that runs it (Terri Warren) is a top herpes expert and does consultations for a low price if you have specific questions for her. I recommend you browse the online forum. Lots of people posts questions daily. Very informative. I hope it helps you out in some way.

Thanks I will check it out.

That looks like a great site @New2GH. With my initial browse through it looks like it has a lot of great information in one place.

I've looked at a lot of studies and read a lot of scientific data. I may or may not have even purchased stock in a VICL, lol. They have a study wrapping up in July regards to a vaccine instead of a daily pill. I'm mostly just curious and didn't want to forget about the study.

I did check out the website, and it make me feel some what better. Its better than the other website I have came across

I don't know if you've stumbled upon any of these articles, but this is another point of view and source of info you may find useful.

https://elladawson.com/herpes/

Thanks for all the great website! I do have one question, how can I determine if I'm about to have an outbreak? Like after a shower I'm a little itchy it's been that way since I found out a mouth ago. So is this shedding

Wow....I just found out I have herpes 1 a few days ago...I feel every one of your emotions... And feel like I too am going to have to get help dealing with this for life...Im beyond devastated...I'm depressed, ashamed, don't think I'll ever be happy again either...it feels like a dream...I have an appt to sit with Dr next week, but I'm just trying to get educated as much as possible until then...I just don't even want to be here anymore

Yea i have read up on my situation a lot. It is a challenge in my life, but I will be okay. And you will too, I've only told 3 people and honestly and don't think that I'm gng to tell anyone else. I have to deal with all these issues are it is gng to ruin what I have.

Hi previous posters...my advice; keep reading and chatting on here, journaling what you're going through right now, talk to someone you trust to disclose to if you have someone like that, or even see a counselor for a few sessions if need be. Basically like any other "trauma" you need to absorb it and process it over and over till the shock, despair, and fear starts to subside. For some that will happen quickly, other's longer. It may sometimes feel like you are stuck in a loop and not making progress but you are. Just making your way to this forum is progress. I promise you there will be a day when you read other newbies postings and can barely remember how awful you felt because this will become such a non-issue in your life.

I'm educating myself about this rash and it truthful it's nerve wracking. I know I will get over having it but for now I'm still freaking out over it. My husband got his test results back and he is negative so now it is very weird between us. All that he allow me to do is oral in which I'm over that now! So now I feel like divorce in will come up soon. I've tried talking to him about it but he never want to to talk about it. So yes this sucks big time, he said we have to be careful and no matter what he will be here for me even if we are not together. So I asked him for a divorce and he said we will talk about it later. He isn't very fund of wearing a condom, I told him in 3 months he need to get retested and that turned into an argument. I'm sure I've been living with this for a few years and haven't had an ON yet so I'm totally confused about it all.