scared of the body I took for granted

I am a 22 year old woman and I have Genital HSV 1.

I’m scared.

I’m scared of touching my body.

I’m scared of someone else touching my body.

Im scared of my body.

I’m scared that no one will want me.

Because right now I feel like nothing more than just damaged goods. And why would someone want that?

At the end of the day I know it’s just a stigmatized skin condition that causes inconvenience when it comes around, but that stigma is enough to make someone feel like they’re beneath a pile of s***

I’ve been trying to be positive about it and I’ve made a list of things that help me get through it:

1. I have a great weapon to use against my enemies (obviously a joke)

2. Subconsciously, I used sex to find love and would rush into things. This can help me slow down and actually connect with someone mentally and emotionally and not have meaningless sex.

3. This doesn’t define me or who I am.

4. I can use this to take a break and focus on what’s important. My career, bettering myself, family, friends.

5. It’s forcing me to take health and nutrition more seriously.

I just feel like I took my my body for granted.

I’m scared, but I know everything will be okay, especially after reading everyone’s experiences.

I guess I just need some reassurance.

I know just what you mean about being scared of your own body.

It's temporary, but damn I used to be so proud of my body. When I was diagnosed, that crumbled quickly. I never felt shame for my sexuality before. I never felt hesitation to be intimate with someone who passed all my tests before.

7ish months after diagnosis, I have a lot of that confidence back. I can admire myself in the mirror without feeling guilty or shame again. (Yeah, I do that. Doesn't matter if anyone thinks it's vain)

You will get that pride back. You might need to work on it, but it will come back.

It's really great that you can see what good will come of your circumstances. That's hard for a lot of people to see. Hold onto those lessons, keep looking forward to the future where you don't struggle with guilt and shame about sexuality.

You are just as desirable, just as charming, and just as charismatic as ever (or goofy and quirky as ever)! Herpes didn't change much. You'll just be better at some things you probably would want to be good at anyway. Health, choosing partners, nutrition, caring for yourself. All super important stuff!

You aren't burried under a mountain of shit. You haven't broken anything. You haven't lost anything innocent. You're just a person with a condition, like many many other people.

And hell, none of us come out unscathed. None of us make it out of here alive.

Your adventure is far from over. Love, loss, joy, sadness and comfort are all waiting in heaps to blindside you.

If you can give yourself permission to see your worth, and give yourself permission to look forward to a positive future, like you have been doing, you will regain your pride. You will get to enjoy so many awesome things, it'll make you wonder if you even deserve it

By the way, you do deserve those awesome things. I'm sure of it!

@regularguy This was much needed thank you so much. I’m feeling better about it as the days have gone by and I’m okay. I’m still scared when it comes to dating and finding love however. But it’s probably just the fear and anxiety of the stigma that’s making me think this way.

don’t worry my friend,herpes is just a minor skin condition, if u take medicine outbreaks can be minimized to zero for longer period, you are may be one of two third of infected ppl in the world, so u are not alone, try to do meditation and exercises and have a normal life, im a not an expert but after my exposure i learned alot about hsv,

i Feel the same way. I am actually disgusted at myself. I left my husband for another man and then realized I wanted my husband back but I got tested because something felt off. Sure enough I tested positive for 1and 2. I cried thinking he would never want me back but to my surprise he did. I still feel grossed out by my body but I am great full my husband isn’t. I guess I’m time maybe the gross feeling will go away. I decided not to tell anyone but my husband because it’s just straight up embarrassing. I don’t know one person who’s ever had this....freakin sucks

@gautogirl we can truly relate the same thing happen to me! My husband is the only one that knows. We hardly discuss it and it just hurt that I let Him and my kids down! I dont Know anyone who has it either! It really sucks but one thing I’m going to make sure my boys know that STD can be gotten without even having sex! I didn’t even have sex with the guy and caught.