herpes in our head
Herpes help: One magic phrase that can change your life
Did that get your attention? Are you feeling like you’re bashing your head against a wall trying to figure out how to deal with this virus? Are you constantly beating yourself up about where you find yourself right now (“Why did I just have to have sex with that person …”)? There’s one magic phrase that will help with herpes … Here it is (drum roll, please)…
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Less herpes shame, more self love
“Shame loves secrets. Shame cannot stand being spoken.” — Brene Brown
The shame of having herpes tends to pull us into our own scary shadows (even though just a few feet away in the light are plenty of people telling you to quit the negative fantasy BS and hear that you’re worthy of a deluge of love.) Shame has us stay blind in the darkness of our own self-defeating mind-cage to try to deal with it on our own (like any strong person should be able to do, right?). But that has us telling ourselves the (false) story that we are alone. We are not alone. YOU are NOT alone! Squash the story! The more you can really allow yourself to get that, the less shame you will have, the more likely you will be to reach out when you need it, the more love will be available to let in, the more healing and growth happens. The more you free yourself of stigmatizing labels, the more free you are to be YOU. And what’s more lovable than that? (Rhetorical question.) More >
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Herpes and love
[Posted on Valentine's Day] Today the world is celebrating Valentines Day (also known as “Singles Awareness Day.”) There’s a lot of talk of lovers loving together in a warm cocoon of lovely love … almost nauseating, huh? If you happen to be single on this day of love (with herpes to boot), it might feel like a cold, lonely day — like the day itself is rubbing your face in your unfortunate singlehood. At first blush, herpes and love might seem to be mutually exclusive: one wipes out the other. But that’s simply not a fair way to look at it when you just want to be happy. Let’s look at how we can turn this beloved holiday into a positive, shall we?
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Herpes healing process: The 5 stages
[Note: To be clear, this article is about your process in healing in your mind and in your relationship to yourself. If you're looking for help with the physical part of dealing with herpes, check out these articles.]
When you first get genital herpes, a process begins. This process is known as the Kübler-Ross grief cycle and applies to anyone who has been impacted by a life-changing circumstance, everything from people dying of cancer to people like us dealing with the ramifications of an incurable STD. Also, please read The herpes self-acceptance process.
Onto the 5 stages of herpes healing …
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Herpes and serenity
I believe there is truth in everything. This is no exception. The Serenity Prayer is one of those truisms that can apply to so much. So let’s apply it to herpes and see how its truth can help us move past blaming ourselves and hanging out in the past, in the “what ifs.”
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Your awesomeness overshadows herpes
What if herpes itself isn’t actually bad? [Gasp] What if it’s just blocking your own awesomeness?
No, this isn’t blowing rainbows, unicorns and puppy dog tails into your eardrums. This is real. This is true. And you know it. You are totally awesome. Own it. It might just be hard to see when your focus is squarely on herpes. But what about focusing on you? What if you are the reason herpes is not a big deal? More >
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The key to being happy with herpes? Give up hope.
Are you suffering with herpes? (Key word here being “suffering.”) Well, here’s the secret to moving on, to being happy: Just give up.
Hold on, stop the temper tantrum. Get up off the floor. Let’s be clear: Don’t give up on everything. Keep that good, positive hope. Give up that irrational hope you’re clinging to. That just-out-of-your-reach hope that’s keeping you from moving on with your life. Give up that nagging hope of finding a herpes cure (although it may happen). Give up hope that you’ll never have an outbreak again (although they do lessen with time). Give up hope that one day saying “I have herpes” to a potential partner will be easy-breezy (although disclosing can actually be a connecting experience). Give up hope that at some point, that herpes outbreak won’t impact you in any way (although with time, it impacts you less and less). More >
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The herpes talk: What are you so ashamed of?
Scenario: You meet someone. You really like this someone. Definite connection. Definite mojo. The time for the herpes disclosure — “Hey, got a minute? I have herpes” — is here. What is this time like for you? What feelings come up? Fear? Shame? Guilt? Avoidance? Those are all common reactions, but let’s dig deeper as to why these might be showing up … More >
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Herpes Opportunity radio interview
Coach Betty Live interviewed me about the Herpes Opportunity. We talk about a range of topics, including herpes shame, herpes facts and statistics and how the phone-based herpes opportunity support group can be so powerful and healing. Thanks for the interview, Betty!
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How the heck can herpes be an opportunity?
Herpes? An opportunity? Yeah, I get the confusion. How can those two things even be put in the same sentence? But getting herpes was a real life-changer for me. But in a different way than you might imagine …
I got herpes years ago. In short, I saw herpes as a dead end. I wanted to die. Herpes meant a lot of horrible things to me: It meant I was going to be unloved, rejected, alone. It was the physical manifestation of my worst fear: no one loved me. Name all those heavy emotions — I felt them all. Anger. Shame. Self-pity. Disgust. Despair. Loneliness. Hopelessness. And eventually … numbness. Underneath it all was the question, “Am I really worthy of love?” I was terrified of the answer; so I suppressed even asking myself the question. Denial was my key to not feeling. A self-fulfilling prophecy set in.
Fast forward many years … More >
